I really messed up. I did checking compulsions twice this week. I looked up naked pics of guys. This is a huge trigger for me. I usually don't do compulsions like this. I look at the pictures and it ranged from disgust or just disinterest. I have felt before a little sexual arousal, but never alot. As time has gone on I just feel more an more convinced its true. It feels like it's not normal to feel nothing. I even feel like I don't want to look at this. All I can think is I'm just worried about what other people think. I just feel like my thoughts are true.

Thank you for your comment! I know reassurance isnt good either, but I tend not to talk about some of this and I'm pretty alone in it at times so it's so helpful to hear your perspective. It sucks because I've been working on really challenging the ocd and in some ways doing better. This week has also been stressful. I know that's why I gave in, but the content just feels so real it's scary. Also with some thoughts I'm having about women it just all freaks me out. Thank you again

@Anonymous Yes, as someone who had health OCD it was very, very easy for me to express my fears and obsessions to my family and friends bevause they weren’t ‘taboo’ in any way. When you get down to the sexually or violent intrusive thoughts, I can totally see how expressing your experience to your family would be completely off limits. Plus, people who don’t understand OCD would have a really tough time grappling with those themes without having judgement. Just know that this theme is so unbelievably common, I would go as far as to say that it is probably one of the most commonly experienced amongst the pure O community from what I’ve seen. Having health OCD, I can manifest symptoms of virtually any illness that I read - no exaggeration. ERP really helped me and once I was out, I was literally shocked at how sucked in with OCD I became and how much it distorted reality. Getting hold of an OCD therapist is the best thing you can do. As I’m sure you’re aware, they know OCD in and out. ERP will help you so much, it’s scary and it will feel worse before it feels better - but it’s so worth it. Sorry, that was a little long winded but I like to make sure I’ve made some good points, because I know that people are going through the shits with OCD at the minute. I’m sending you my best wishes!

@Ellie Yes that is so true. I have just told a friend my theme of ocd and she started trying to figure out if it was true or not 🤦‍♀️I do have a therapist I see and I share this and I'm trying to open up more. Even that is hard. But I'm trying. Its just embarrassing to share some of this with others. I feel bad because I've been doing erp and been in therapy awhile and I struggle so much still. I know it's because I keep feeding into this in different ways. I usually don't do compulsions outright like this I'm not massively triggered but I'm feeling it and it feels like it's really true now. I'm glad your health ocd has gotten better. I have it to and have been working on that as well. I know overall I'm better but still just frustrating. Mostly because I'm feeling anxious now, I kind of recognize why I did all this so I'm trying to let it go and get back on track. But just hard. I haven't hardly slept from all of it either 🙄

@Anonymous Thank you so much for all your kind words it's so helpful

@Anonymous Yeah, I’m so sorry your friend did that to you 🙄. That’s literally like me telling my friend that I have an irrational fear that I have a brain tumour and them trying to decode whether I actually have a brain tumour, lmao. Ugh. Yeah, admitting stuff like that is embarrassing, but the embarrassment is a passing emotion and really, you’re letting yourself progress in the grand scheme of things! I really hope therapy goes well for you (which it will if you do everything right!), the whole point of OCD is that it feels real, so there’s nothing new there! When I get an OCD spike, I get massive headaches and have to go to bed or rest, so I completely understand how you’re losing sleep. Fuck OCD, truly.

@Ellie Thank you so much I really appreciate the support!!

Same except I’m a guy.Like being close to any girl irl even if they have all their clothes on is wayyyyyyy better than looking at naked girls on ur phone imo.

@Anonymous I'm sorry you are going through it too. All of it is really hard.

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time with all this too. I should say I'm a woman so this is why the thoughts are so distressing. Sorry I'd my post was confusing. Just feels like what I'm feeling is wrong and I don't have alot of desire towards guys. But I feel I don't want to be with a woman. It all sucks. We need to try not to compulse about all this but it's really hard.