Homicidal ideation Where it targets your family. And the most distressing element, does anyone get involutary arousal from it. Its really tripping me up.

Yes, that exactly. Except i have that arousal albeit involuntary and it freaks me out.

@Ariel009 I thought i was the only one dealing with this. I also get command voices to do it or urges which scare me cause i would never so why am i even getting these thoughts, you know?

@Ariel009 Yeah, exactly. I get worried ill like do it in my sleep. It is annoying to deal with for sure. And to other people it sounds insane. Like i get worried they will put me in the state hospital for it, ya know? And same to you.

@Ariel009 That is it exactly. The line is blurred and it makes me wonder if i really wanna do what the voices/thoughts say but deep down i dont wanna do it. But i get scared talking about these thoughts thinking they will lock me up. I dont wanna possibly become dangerous. And i worry about being a psychopath too. So i feel you there.

@Ariel009 I just started up therapy. So i have told them about the thoughts and urges but not the arousal. I posted on a fb group about it and people got disturbed. Sorry you havent found regular therapy yet though. I know this stuff is tough. Im just scared of myself. It sucks.

@Ariel009 Just glad you commented back cause i thought i was the only one. But im in groups for that purpose too. And its alright, it is a tough subject to read about let alone post. Glad im not alone. Now to see what my therapist thinks of the arousal piece. Ive disturbed myself a few times.

@Ariel009 Thats what im hoping for as well. The thoughts are damn near constant. The arousal not as often but im worried it will be constant as well. So i obsess over it too. I appreciate being able to talk to someone who gets it and isnt scared of it.

@Ariel009 Yeah it is nice. But same here for sure. Today has been an exceptionally rough day/night. And i tried getting on discord but i have no idea how to work it so i deleted it. Lol.

@Ariel009 Alright cool. And thats what im doing. Im a little irritable today, just trying to contain it and have as good a day as possible. Gonna journal some about what weve chatted about to get it out somewhere else besides my head. Just need the motivation to do so. Lol.

Dude for real. I have dogs and kids to care for so i feel bad when im irritable. Its not fair to any of them. And the motivation is just so low nowadays. Like i was doing okay when i was hospitalized and did okay for awhile but now im a bit all over the place. And im starting a new job on friday and its third shift so im trying to train myself to be up at those hours. Its a bit stressful which makes those thoughts pop up and then it is on loop and i obsess. So my brain gets exhausted.