I hate feeling like I am better when I am not.. I feel so off with my partner and I don’t feel like I have ROCD at all...

I am just... what if I am convincing myself... I am trying so hard... I’ve been so deeply depressed for months... I just can’t take it anymore.... I am scared what if I am convincing myself I am not in love with him or what if I am convincing myself I am in love with him... I am so scared... even now I just wanna cry.... I want therapy but I am so afraid I am gonna find out it’s been me this whole time... I’ve never in my whole life had this much anxiety in a relationship... I even almost committed suicide over this a few months ago bc I just want it to stop... I am gonna lose my baby.. I can’t even make love to him anymore 😭😭😭😭

@Mandy7710 I understand. Please find help. I know exactly how it feels and your describing exactly how I felt. It’s ocd I promise you. Please find some help or the worts will actually happen. If you lost feelings you wouldn’t stress like this I assure you.

@ocddestroyer I am scared bc I feel normal almost...

@ocddestroyer Can you tell me what you went through? 😭

@Mandy7710 I convinced myself I didn’t love my girl anymore. The ocd made me think about every imperfection they had and it just drove me crazy. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t have fun with friends, everything felt as it was a dream. I was so defeated because I didn’t even know rocd was a thing, and my therapist misdiagnosed me two times like a dumbass. So I talked to my girlfriend about my doubts and she convinced herself that I was no longer in love and that was it, so she cheated on me. After that my ocd no longer was obsessing because the worst came true, and I just started missing her and I hated myself for having those stupid thoughts. A few months later we started talking again (the only reason I kept her after that is because I put her through hell and I deserved it). Then we got back together and everything was fine until the thoughts started back up again. And that’s when I found out about ROCD and started finally linking everything together and all the telltale signs I had in the past. I realized I’ve dealt with Hocd, bodily function ocd, perfectionism ocd, and others. I still suffer with it today and I’m trying to find a therapist, but the good thing is I know longer doubt my love for her!

@ocddestroyer Thank you... I’ve been obsessing my love for my partner for 8 years.. I know due to the pandemic it got worse then my partner triggered me by having a serious talk which caused me to have a HUGE mental breakdown... right now I feel so convinced I don’t love him anymore and that I am not sexually attracted to him... despite feeling this way I know I love him a lot.. I even bought him 70 dollars worth of Valentine’s Day gifts.. I started crying saying I love you and I’m not lying to him over and over again... we’ve been together since 18 and we are both 29 years old.. I can name the reason why I love him in a journal but I can’t say it to him... 😞 I feel like I accepted feeling this way when I don’t wanna feel like this... I know if I broke up with him I wouldn’t wanna be just friends.. I would always want more.. I just can’t enjoy anything anymore..I’ve gained 20 pounds in 7 months due to my depression.... 😞😞

@Mandy7710 Please find help! It is not real. I understand that feeling so much. I’ve been dating mine for 3 years and one of them was full of that shit. Please don’t let it get to the point where your boyfriend can’t take it anymore and does what my girl did. Please find help. Especially in ERP (exposure response therapy). The way it works is by believing your thoughts and convincing yourself they’re true and watch them go away.

@Mandy7710 It’s like someone with germ ocd licking there fingers. After you do it you can’t fear it anymore! I promise you things will get better for the both of you if you find help!

@ocddestroyer He already told me he was afraid of me being in denial...

@ocddestroyer Awhile ago..

@Mandy7710 Well please find help. Please re read my message about erp. He might have said that but that means nothing if it isn’t true. Prove to yourself and him it isn’t. Ocd dosent like when you agree with it and it will deminish your thoughts.

@ocddestroyer It’s hard... last night I ran to the shower bc I felt so sick... I wanted to die... I know I still love my partner it’s just I feel like I can’t tell the difference anymore..

@ocddestroyer I still get angry when I imagine home with someone else.. I hate it.. I test and test myself everyday... my mind is so tired I am so tired...

@Mandy7710 Mandy, please listen to what I’m saying. Not finding help is just going to make your life worse. I don’t want to be rude but stop avoiding it and try to get help instead of letting yourself die inside. Doing nothing will help nothing.

@ocddestroyer I don’t know where to begin to find help. I don’t have enough money to pay to see a therapist... like I wanted to try the awaken into love program but it’s like 150 for one session and I am on unemployment due to me losing my job due to covid... 😞 it’s just no one answers the one question I ask... I just wanna know if it’s still ROCD if you don’t have that many thoughts anymore... just anxiety?... 😞 I feel so convinced it’s me due to this..

@ocddestroyer If you have any good sources for therapy I am willing to give it a try..

@ocddestroyer It’s just... I’ve been dealing with ROCD for a every long time but never felt the way I do now.... 😞 I do get some random thoughts that give me anxiety but not as bad. But I know I am having bad anxiety due to my chest always hurting me.

@Mandy7710 You don’t have any health insurance? Have you tried the 15 min free call they provide you on this app to get a quick diagnosis? And yes I understand completely what u went through, as I went through it too. I went through a stage where I just became numb and tired, and I think that’s what your going through. Those random thoughts are still ocd. Please find yourself help. I will pray for you.