Girls only please! So I’m talking to a new guy and we’ve hit it off pretty good we have a lot of in common as well as beliefs etc.. And he talked about how he supports lgbt community because he has a cousin that is gay and idk I thought that was going to freak me out because of my hocd but it made me feel like less worried like I’d not be judged by him. We have had some deeps talks already and he told me he feels like he can be himself around me and I told him how I’m very intrigued with psychology etc. But I feel like with all the guys I’ve been I’ll be able to tell him about what’s been going on with me, but I still have these thoughts of if I tell him he’s just going to think I’m bi and in denial like I fear being rejected. Like there’s some days where I think what if it’s not hocd and I’m just in denial? Like this makes dating for me so hard I hate it. I start therapy on here next week but I feel like it’s not going to work on me because what if I’m just in denial. But going back to the guy he told me that he can see himself with me which made me happy but then I feel like I’ll be burden which is another reason why dating for me is hard. One thing that makes me so upset is that I actually had my first boyfriend after I had a what if I’m gay thought so I feel like it ruined my experience and also guys didn’t start noticing be after this happened to me like why?? Hopefully someone on here can relate?:/

You sure you just want a laides perspective and not a guys? Either way I’m a fella going through the same stuff

Well idk how old you are, but I’m in my late 20’s, married, and at the time I got married had debilitating and sever HOCD. I was even going to therapy for it, but not an OCD therapist so I got all the wrong information like “just try it, imagine it, see what it’s like...” all that stuff and to be honest it put me into a depression and almost suicide. Now I don’t tell you that to scare you, or to make your anxiety spike about what “could happen,” I’m telling you this to say, I’ve been there and went down the wrong road. If your having these questioning thoughts, your probably not gay. Even if you did try and experiment, your probably not gay, even if you dated a women for 167 days, your probably not gay. The best way I’ve found to approach this is each morning wake up and say “I may be gay, I may not be gay, I will never know and I have to live with that” Not that statement made me shake, physically and mentally, when I would even think it before. I so bad wanted to know the answer, but the more I searched for the answer the further I dug myself into a hole. If you stop searching, no matter how hard your brain wants to, it’ll get better. And as far as the fella goes, If he’s so open minded to accept homosexuality and support them, why wouldn’t he support folks with mental illness and be open to see mental illness in a new light.

The therapy will help. Nocd therapists can see the difference between denial and ocd, and will be able to tell you if you're in the right place to get help. Try to be kind to yourself until your appointment, and know they're not going to put a label on you. Drink water, rest, breathe.

I'm in therapy now, and the therapy helps! Its very scary to start, but its worth it.