Does anyone have harm ocd? I was triggered by a video online about self-harm and I am terrified! I’ve been stuck in this fear cycle for fever all weeks. How do you know if it’s real or ocd? I guess just asking that question speaks volumes that it has to be ocd. I’m not suicidal at all, but I swear my brain keeps giving me These really distressing thoughts. I was recently diagnosed with ocd and it is so scary to me.

I feel you on so many levels here. I actually had a moment where my brain was almost like giving up and had this depressing tone of “ok fine. Let’s just give in and give up all hope” and then of course it scared me and I am struggling with not knowing if the thoughts are real or not. Do I actually want this?? Am I wanting to die?? This is all so crazy! I don’t want to feel like this because it scares me into thinking I’m actually depressed and that I don’t care to fight anymore.

@MommaLoo Only you can tell yourself that. I’m not a professional and don’t have the right or wrong answer on the subject but I can say I was in the same exact boat and it’s not at all what I wanted. I had a bad reaction to lexapro and I’m 19 years old and began to obsess over what the medicine had made me think. It’s a hard cycle to beat but once you realize that your brain has created this pathway to thinking and that it isn’t what YOU rlly want then it’ll be a never ending cycle. I can’t remember the expirement but I think it was called the white bear expirement where a man had all patients try their hardest not to think about a white bear but it isn’t possible bc you’re trying so hard to not think about it you do think about it. Almost like after u get a certain car u start to see those cars more and more then usual. Just don’t react to the thought, say okay this is a intrusive thought, and continue doing what you were doing previous to the thought. The more you feed into it and panic the stronger the thought gets. You got it!

@daltonwhitt Didn’t mean it’ll be a never ending cycle if you know that’s not what u want, meant it’ll be a never ending cycle UNLESS you can realize that it’s not real and it’s just gained power from the reactions

@daltonwhitt Thanks for breaking it down for me. I think they gained so much power because I obsessed over the thoughts! I don’t think it’s what I want at all because I pray to God so many times throughout the day asking him to please help me with these terrifying thoughts and feelings. I am working with my therapist to reduce the ocd as well. The feelings of straight terror/anxiety that comes with the thoughts are probably signals enough that it isn’t right and I don’t want it but of course I still obsess over the thoughts. I’m trying to break it so hard! I get shaking hands and a sick pit feeling in my stomach every day because of the thoughts. I have always had health anxiety and stressed over the slightest thing so I know I have a huge love for life. This has thrown me off so much though. I try to not react to the thoughts but when I don’t react, it feels too much like I’m giving in and giving up. 😣

@MommaLoo Of course, I would of loved to have someone help me break it down into simpler thinking when it first started for me. And also, know that praying to god when you have these thoughts or feeding into the thought is a compulsion. You’re reacting to the anxiety it gives you and trying to temporarily relieve yourself of it but then it just keeps coming back again and again. I’m not in any way saying not to pray to god, but try to accept the anxiety it gives you and keep going. It’ll be hard at first but you got it. This helped me the most.

@daltonwhitt Yes, I know it is a compulsion. It’s hard not to pray because that has been my go to for a while now. I pray a lot but maybe I can ease off of it during an episode? What are some of your harm thoughts? Are any of them self harm related like mine?

@MommaLoo Yeah most definitely, it started with myself because the lexapro caused suicidal idealation and it was very intense. I then started obsessing over why I thought that about myself then it would go towards people I love most, such as my dog my girlfriend my mom my little brother. I still have them some days I even did last night, I just don’t pay attention to it anymore and let it go.

@daltonwhitt Oh man.. mine hasn’t shifted to harming others (yet), but self harm is so freaking hard. I was triggered by a video.. it wasn’t like I saw something in real life! Wth! Are you taking medication now? I’m taking buspirone but am waiting on genetic testing results to come back to tell me which meds would be a best fit for my chemical makeup. That way I can avoid any of those side effects 😣

@MommaLoo I should probably try the genetic testing myself 😂 I’m not on any meds rn bc lexapro really scared me I never wanna go through that again

@daltonwhitt Do it! It’s just a cotton swab to your cheek and that’s it. I refused to take meds because of reactions like yours! ☠️