Does anyone have past event OCD thoughts? This has been new for me in the last couple years and was wondering what helps others?

For me it’s a lot of things I can’t remember 100% clearly. Like things that happended years ago such as if I did something wrong at work that could have had negative consequences but I can’t go back and check it’s been too long. Or if I put in that car seat correctly years ago. Anything there is no clear answer too is what my name anxiety gravitates towards

@tired Hmm... I feel there is an event that occurred which actually started one of my themes. I did something almost two years ago that a few people told me was racist/appropriating culture but that I had super good intentions for and thought I was actually doing good with, then I got super worried about me being racist or a bad person. So now I question all of my actions, preferences (dating preferences being a huge one), opinions, etc. because I’m terrified of being a bad person or getting "cancelled" / hated because of it. But I also get intrusive thoughts all the time about that specific event and the people involved. Is that past event OCD? I was starting to think it was PTSD, but then feel so ashamed because that is a pathetic thing to have PTSD about and start thinking "how fragile is my whiteness that that was a traumatic event?"

@tired I know that’s unfair to myself... I think that’s the OCD speaking though, telling me im a bad person if that’s what trauma is to me, that I don’t deserve that « excuse » or don’t deserve peace or to get better because I wronged people or whatever. And as for messaging people years later, damn yeah I get that. I know now not to act on it, but there’s this one person I think about every day. I want to hide them on social media, but I know that’s also bad. When my intrusive thoughts about that event are really bad I want to message them to see if they answer and if they answer then I know they don’t hate me. I did ERP for a while and I feel like this whole theme about being a bad person, being a racist, and the intrusive thoughts about that event were so hard to put into ERP that my therapist and I never found something that worked and I had such a hard time connecting to the exposure exercises because I just couldn’t stop the constant rumination because I was already doing it 24/7 anyway. I did have success with some of my exposures when they were avoiding certain situations or more tangible things, but anything related to thought processes and mental checking just never worked. Thank you for listening and responding by the way, this is really giving me some clarity on how these things are connected. I thought it was just a huge mess in my head, but seeing now how these things are indeed related despite my OCD also trying to tell me they aren’t.

@tired No I didn’t see your last post! I’m so sorry that happened to you, and you’re right it’s important to reshift our focus onto people who are in your life that matter. It’s just so hard to do with social media, it feels like everyone is watching and judging you.

@tired Yes! I have real event ocd and fears about cancel culture even though I haven’t done anything too bad and it started a while after someone was nasty to me online. This really sucks. Doing exposures for it is really hard too