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In your early teens, you're still a child, your mind is still only developing, you should'nt blame yourself as an adult for mistakes you made back then.

abcd33 you kind doe!!! ❤️ Whatever you did you do t have to judge yourself about it!! You really think you can't be loved because of what your did?! You are a smart and good person because you struggle with yourself to be better that does mean you put yourself in question searching for being better each day that's good! Fuck what did you do you can't explain what you did here maybe, but know that we all experienced dirty things whenever we were younger or after. That's part of life trust me your state of mind is far more better than you think it is!

You most likely need to target this with erp. Ocd makes us catastrophise things and anxiety exaggerates them. I truly believe this is how to find peace with erp and that lets you see things in a much more balanced and realistic way.

To me you're someone who wanted to experience things to find yourself you shouldn't be so harsh with yourself honestly you seem to be an interesting person because you search for spirit freedom doing what you did you are certainly someone who wants to do whatever you have in mind I think it's really nice. Don't be so rude about yourself don't let your mind makes you feel like you're distgutsing that's fucking wrong whatever you di a lot of men would love your "I do what I wanna do" side.

Even if it's about really dirty things lol

I relate to this so much! I'm currently in therapy for this because it's so hard for me to come to terms with my past actions. I feel a lot of guilt that I think comes from my views on family and religion/God. I was raised Catholic and all premarital sex is a no-no in their eyes. That being said, if you didn't intentionally harm anyone, you're not a bad person. Period. You experimented, like you said, and it didn't work out. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with your boundaries changing. There's also nothing wrong with realizing that you wouldn't repeat those actions. It was a life experience, and a lesson. Because you were so young, you were likely, at least a little bit, in over your head. Which isn't your fault. I'm sending you lots of love! I really empathize with your story and hope you feel better soon.