Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.

Sexual Orientation OCD

AdamH

Date posted: 6y

I know exactly how you feel man. Before my HOCD started around two years ago, I was predominantly attracted to women, I was attracted to men aswell however I was never involved in a relationship with a male. After HOCD, I truly feel and believe I have lost my sexual identity, I've been in therapy for months and it's definitely assisted, intrusive thoughts and anxiety has decreased however my sexual attraction to women is just not the same anymore, it feels so strange and yes traumatising indeed. I don't know what will come about from this, trying to accept the uncertainty however i feel extremely uncomfortable.

rlr

Date posted: 6y

I feel you! one of my main anxieties is about being aroused by lesbian porn (as a woman), but I try to remind myself that porn is porn, not real life. people are attracted to random porns that don’t necessarily correlate with what they’re attracted to in real life. ex: I know a lesbian lady who only watched guy on guy gay porn... weird huh? idk that just makes me feel better to think about sometimes. just because you watch it and get turned on doesn’t always mean it’s what you want to experience irl.

Spayze

Date posted: 6y

Even though reassurance is probably bad, that is so nice to hear :)

Spayze

Date posted: 6y

I also have a the huge fear that I may turn gay in future if I’m not gay now

flowerboy

Date posted: 6y

idk i think if u were really gay u would have found out earlier. personally i found out cuz i had a crush on my friend and i was in denial at first then i realized i liked girls. i can’t speak for u but ocd is a really controlling thing and after u saw that movie it probs took that to taunt u about possibly ‘being gay’ which is probs just ur head telling u things. it happens to me with things that are really bad/sad, my head will contradict and say no this is good and try to make me feel like a bad person :(

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