My HOCD is making me image me kissing my mother guys this is awful its screwed up.

Ive had strong feelings that i want to come out today because i cant live like this. I watched porn to masturbate and obviously i saw penis and my mind was like hes got a nice one etc 😞

@Ihateocd83 I understand! That’s a common compulsion. We think if we just come out and “accept it fully” that the ocd will go away. Unfortunately that’s not what happens. When we try to do this, it doesn’t “stick.” And we go back to questioning. And the cycle starts over. That’s why we truly have to aim for uncertainty rather than trying to force our selves to either accept or deny our intrusive thoughts.

@pureolife I just was speaking to some bi guy and he said sexuality is fluid and its normal to feel this way its common for peolpe to feel like this..... i feel as if thats me im freaking out inside and i feel doom inside ... if i had this feelings as a young boy or teenager then yeah but i had 1 thought when i was 22 and bang im 37 now and this shit is ruining my life 😥

@Ihateocd83 Of course you’re relating to this idea: it mirrors your ocd fears! There will always be real people out there who hold our feared beliefs without issue (because for them they really ARE that thing ie any thoughts they get on this topic are ego syntonic.) every time you look to people who are your fear you will relate because your ocd is purposefully throwing you intrusive thoughts, images, urges, and feelings to mimic these fears coming true.

@pureolife Also i have loss of attraction to women and there gentials it really worrys me like in my head i will say i hate women or hate vaginas and it feels real makes me think that things or never going to be the same again 😞

@Ihateocd83 Your still the same person you were dont forget!

@Ihateocd83 Yup. Your ocd is going to send those thoughts. Especially because you respond to them with compulsions (like mentally reviewing them, ruminating about them to “figure them out,” mentally checking yourself for them, testing how you feel to have them, etc.) each compulsions tells your brain “this is important and relevant to me so please send more.”

@Anonymous help I dont feel like it ... my mind tries to make me feel as tho i felt different growing up... i remember thinking i felt different like i couldnt die or couldnt imagine being dead ?

@pureolife I get these strong feelings like i want to be with a man ..... and i say stuff in my head like thats the kind of man i want and an advert came on the tele with a woman and a man and i said in my head not everyone one is straight .... im so upset i feel like im never going to be free from this 😞😥

@pureolife Im really panicking i feel attracted to men ... an i cant feel hardly anything for women my life is over .. i feel like im going to have to be with a man when i dont want to 😞

@Ihateocd83 Are you currently seeing an ocd specialist? If not, it could really help you. So could reading a book about ocd like Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts or the Mindfulness Workbook for OCD.

@pureolife No im not i had cbt but didnt help to much ..i have the first book you mentioned im looking to get the other one.... how can i go from having loving women having one thought and bang this was when i was 22 i m 37 now and i never had these feelings just thoughts which worries me 😞

@Ihateocd83 The answer is ocd. I know it’s scary seems impossible but that’s what ocd does. Read the books and do the work. When you can, get an ocd specialist. CBT from a general therapist is great for a lot of mental health issues but you really need erp specifically with a specialist to see progress with ocd.

@pureolife Pure of life is it normal to have a hard relationship with your boyfriend during HOCD? I feel like everytime we do something intimate i feel angry sad or upset after. I also feel like im loosing interest in men. It was getting better i was so strong i remember being so strong to fight it off and now...now im feel like im going back down to square one again. Ill forever be upset if thats what i become because of a thought...im just really exaughsted and upset i know deep down im straight but my head invades my future and what i want in my destiny

@Anonymous help Of course it’s hard to manage your relationship during a sexual orientation obsession! It’s also probably hard to manage a lot of things in life simply because the obsession is so distracting and all consuming. Unfortunately “fighting off” the thoughts doesn’t usually work, and can actually make them stronger and more frequent. But you can decide not to respond to them or to figure them out. In other words, you can commit to resisting compulsions and living with uncertainty. That generally allows you to regain freedom in your life while making room for these thoughts to exist but ultimately mean nothing.