I'm having severe doubts about my sexual orientation again. Or are they really doubts? Earlier today I wrote "I am gay and in denial and just need to accept it" on a piece of paper. It seemed to make sense at the time, so I am willing to accept the possibility that I am a closet homosexual who has OCD related doubts about being straight. This in spite of the fact that I have adopted the identity of pansexual and bisexual as an attempt to come to terms with a more fluid sexual orientation than heterosexual. Currently have a sexual partner who is a woman, and I usually feel very attracted to her emotionally and physically. I have communicated to her at least once that I may be pan or bisexual, but then the thought that I could just be gay, in denial and projecting onto her comes back and I am disturbed by the possibility that I could be misleading her and just having sex with her as a form of reassurance that I'm not gay. I have sought reassurance from several ex-girlfriends by telling them I think I might be gay. Was I really seeking assurance or am I even now perpetuating this lie that I have Sexual Orientation OCD when I'm really just gay? I am generally not as "dominant" and assertive in a relationship and in sexual intercourse as I would like to be. I started to think last night maybe she wanted me to be more assertive with her and that I hadn't been recognizing the cues or deliberately or unconsciously misrecognizing cues for fear of having a more assertive or "dominant" kind of way of speaking with her and communicating sexual desires. I felt very turned on when I felt I had accurately recognized this, and I started to think about the possibility that some degree of traumas I have experienced during my upbringing has made it very difficult to feel comfortable exploring sexual communication. During intercourse, I am basically nearly always silent, and I feel this is strange and offputting. There was a brief span of time last night where I started to just communicate however I felt she was asking without directly asking for me to communicate with her, and during this time I felt much more confident and sexually aroused. I was also too intoxicated to actually have sex, but the feeling seemed to be more than just due to being intoxicated and seemed to signify a real desire of wanting to be more "dominant," for the lack of a better way of knowing how to describe it right now. I have never really had good relationships with women or friendships with men where I am not burdened by intrusive homosexual thoughts but have not really come to terms with what I feel like is reasonable to classify as trauma until recently. I feel like maybe I should tell my partner that I might be gay, but she already knows I said this to an ex-girlfriend. It seems paradoxically after ACCEPTING that I AM GAY, I feel less distress at the thought of being gay, and yet also less sure of the identity of being gay and the orientation of homosexuality as really being applicable to me. At other times, I have had doubts about my gender identity. I considered adopting "they/them" pronouns and even broadcasted this on social media. I have never been exactly heteronormative, but I am not sure them pronouns would make a real difference for me or that they are necessary. I don't have a desire to change my sex organs, though there was about a month where I was panicking about this possibility and was unable to function and had abruptly resigned from my employment. Yet I had the same sense of "aha, this must be it.. The moment of clarity," feeling when I had "admitted" to myself that I must be transgender and in denial as when I "admitted" I am homosexual. I am at least feeling better that I am accepting these as possibilities, but again I don't know if I am just abstracting these thoughts into the cluster of OCD symptoms to avoid confronting their reality.