Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
Garrett MaguireGarrett Maguire
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
You sound like a good dad who's worrying over thoughts and trying to revisit memories to find certainty. The more you revisit past situations ,the more uncertain you become. You need to stop checking in your head and deal with this through ERP with a good therapist. A father doesnt just become evil for a few moments and then go back to his true beliefs, and this is reassurance which I dont want to encourage. You cant think you way out of these things, I know as I had a similar issue, it was torture for 3 years,but with ERP I gradually stopped taking my fears seriously. But that was the only thing that helped, trust me trying to be certain about memories will keep you running in circles, get help with it, its the best way to see your fears for what they are.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
After talking with my dad about it I realized something. I had thoughts that I wanted to wipe to touch her there again and every other thought the same. I wiped her again which made me believe I acted on those thoughts with that kind of intention. It’s my fault really for not arguing with my thoughts and just letting them run their course. They told me to keep wiping her and i did. That doesn’t mean that I had those intentions. I allowed myself to believe what I was thinking was real and I know it was wrong to wipe again or maybe I didnt because of how clouded I allowed my mind to get from these thoughts progressing. but I did anyways like a dumbass. How can you making wiping your baby evil when you yourself aren’t? I think it’s virtually impossible to make wiping a child evil at all because regardless of what you’re thinking or what’s going through your head that doesn’t make the act of wiping evil. It’s the simple fact that I wiped her again after and during these thoughts that made me feel I committed them. I’m an idiot for believing these lies. I know I need help and always have known. The fact I even allowed my mind to convince me that I liked it or wanted it disgusts me on such a level and sends me into anxiety. Because I had thoughts in that moment such as “I like it” or “it probably feels good to her” and I convinced myself that that’s who I am and thats what I believe when there’s no way in hell that would ever transpire today. Nor the days before that particular event. I’ve went back and forth on it for so damn long that I began to believe it was true. I feel like a dumbass. After that event I became overwrought with guilt and shame. I know who I am and that’s not what ive ever believed in or wanted for anyone. Im sure my OCD will convince me otherwise after this big revelation but i didn’t even know about OCD even being a possibility when that event happened. My wife is the one who found NOCD because of that particular event. I constantly would talk to her “what if this happened” “what if in the moment I actually did like it” what if this and what if that? It always changed and changes. But this is my fault. I shouldn’t have listened to the lies in my head. The big argument I make is did she even need wiped again? Was there still poop in that area my thoughts targeted? I’ll never know this is true but even if she didn’t need wiped again, that doesn’t make it evil because my thoughts said so. I can’t believe I was so mentally weak. I hate how long it took to come to this reality. I didn’t want to blame “I have a condition” because it felt wrong. I felt like I was placing blame and trying to get away with something. When I know me I’m not much of a liar. I told my wife my mom my dad about the event and question whether I told the truth or not every day. I’m such an idiot. They told me to let go but I couldn’t because I always felt it was more than it was. I kick myself every day for erasing my own memory cuz if I didn’t I might know the truth today. But you’re right no one becomes evil for a second then goes to being good. Right after that event I was a much better dad but I think that was mostly out of guilt from feeling like I failed her or harmed her. then I wonder what if I just wanted to try it in the moment to see if I liked it? But then again if that’s true it’s still just my thoughts making me think I want to when I don’t. It’s just wiping for god sakes! You can’t make that a bad thing because your mind may be having evil things but the act of wiping isn’t evil. I’m an idiot I swear for believing in this load of crap my mind has been feeding. I know who I am and I know who I’ve always been. Wow. I’m stunned at my stupidity. My mom is getting me more help too so that’ll be very helpful on my road to moving on from that event. I have to. For my family and especially for my kids.
Garrett MaguireGarrett Maguire
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah thats the truth but remember ocd will always find a way to make you question yourself thats why you need to learn the tools to combate it. Logic isnt really the way to treat this illness as I say. To get help you need to check if the therapist specialises in ocd and treats it with CBT most importantly combining it with ERP. The treatment is paradoxical, but I've had ocd for 45 years and this is the only way it works for me and so many others. Meds are fine as a help but erp done right will give you back your life. Remember many others are going through the same thing. None of us are alone.
Ugh20000Ugh20000
- Date posted
- 4y
Do you feel better?
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sanshine
- Date posted
- 25w
Brain is frazzled adults only please
Worried about situation that happened with nephew new memory or not idk I'm scared Worried about situation that happened with nephew I'm so scared when I was holding my nephew I thought " I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him" ( not the exact words don't want to be extremely graphic) I began to bump him like how people bump babies on their hips he was on my stomach cuz that's how he was handed to me. Now I fear I remember also thinking if his diaper would stimulate his private part or something like that IDK LIKE I FEEL LIKE I REMEMBER THINKING THAT BUT ALSO DON'T??? LIKE O FEEL LIKE maybe I thought this at a different time for whatever weird reason but then I'm scared that it makes sense it would happen when I held him. Does it change the situation?????I feel extremely sick because I don't know why I would think that or if it was my brain or me. Idk if it was or wasn't cuz I felt his diaper against me? Was I curious if it would? It feels like I was curious but wth why???Was it just something weird I thought? Am I actually a monster? I had been having disturbing thoughts I'm pretty sure that were related to my POCD in general for a while before that. Ik my nephew didn't get hurt but I'm so scared why would I do something like that I feel so sick and disgusted. I know away from that situation I have no sexual interest or attraction towards him I'm just so freaked out and disgusted. I don't wanna be a bad person and I don't want my worst fear to be true.
roszip-0toMd...
- Date posted
- 22w
Please help!!!
TW! please someone comment When I was 12 or 13 I used to babysit a little girl, she had a habit of keeping her hand in her diaper and was always touching herself, there was one point I was changing her diaper and noticed she was really red. I had separated her private parts and checked the inner area for signs of infection. She was okay, just some really really bad diaper rash. I know this is what happened yet my brain is trying to convince me that I hurt her, and that I wanted to do it, I know I would never hurt a child but with all the anxiety I feel when I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I did do it because I wanted to hurt her, I don't wanna be a p, I don't wanna hurt innocent children, I used to never have these thoughts but now I do and I'm so scared to tell my therapist as she hasn't diagnosed me with ocd yet. I don't want her to think I'm a p nor do I wanna hurt kids, but my brain keeps telling me that I do and that I'm just lying to myself and everyone around me, ik I would never do something that could harm a child but I keep getting these thoughts and their inappropriate and I just want them to stop, does anyone have any tips on how to help myself? I keep turning to my boyfriend for reassurance but ik that that's just a quick fix and that ill be spiraling about it again.Please help
Lunah30
- Date posted
- 16w
Pocd/real event/false memory
Yup! Been like this February,worst Part is that I was intoxicated and in a bad place my thoughts were going totally insane,my 8 year old niece spend the night with me and my intrusive thoughts were telling me to molested her and all of the above ☝🏻 I do remember staring at her for a while and thinking 💭 If I did something to her she would probably say it or she would wake up,it gave me a good sense of relieve but now and since then …I can’t fully remember if I did,just for the”hmm let’s test this out and see if she would actually wake up” kind of like those,,,I wonder if u pull a dogs tail he would turn around and bark or bite me,trust me…shit like that would backfire at you and I haven’t really been at peace since then…I try to also control My self and try to use uncertainty but to be honest the vision and memory are so real like very vivid as if it happens so for me it did happend and I feel Horrible,I currently in my mid 30’s and these thoughts lash out f nowhere since I was 26,somehow I knew how to manage them,I would Do Compulsions as avoiding my niece and any type Of kid,I would Get extremely paranoid when I had to change her diapers and could do something to harm her.i never been attracted to children in my life,yes! Unfortunately i was molested sexually as a kid by a man from ages 6-9 and one of the things that would Kill Me and trigger me would be the fact that I wonder why? Why do they do that why ? What do they feel ?! And for my disadvantage….im Like the kid that you tell Them”don’t push that red button or else…🚨🧨💣🤯” and guess what?! My Hyperactive dumb ass is still Gonna push the button cause I wanna know what the hell is gonna happend for my self,and I feel that I did something g that I will regret my whole Life! Sometimes when I’m calmer I think with logic and see things from another perspective but then ocd and paranoia kicks in and it’s exhausting and mentally draining!so Guess what?! It sucks! This sucks! to live like this and having to live with the …”what ifs,did I or Did I not!?” But u aren’t alone friend just know theirs plenty of us out there Worst part of all this i havent been able.to fill in the gaps and it makes me.feel like a monster,did i molested my niece in her sleep,what if.my intentions were actually bad,im the kind of person that a thought can be morbid and I have tp figure it out,so when I think to my that I do something it's because I was clearly thinking okay let me.tedt.my self or see if I do feel.something and that shit will backfire on you BAD! Because then I will think*what kind of a human being on earth wpuld.do something like that?!* and it triggers me bad,I mean really bad like anxiety and panick attacks and not wanting to live with my self with this guilt!idk if there's someone else out there with a case like this bit if their is please dont make me feel that im alone, not looking for reassurance just support
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