So i'm not in therapy right now for HOCD, but i'm trying to do my own exposure therapy, i'm trying not to avoid female friends or female stuff on tv or in videogames, sometimes i just get overwhelmed especially if I see stuff on tiktok or youtube? I also feel guilty because it's like, it feels like everyday theres smthn new to worry about? sometimes i get intrusive thoughts when i see surveys and stuff ask for pronouns?? i put she / her but then i get nervous and think "is that really my pronouns?" it's scary.. and then my brain is like "i'm a guy" and it's like "no??? i'm a girl" Everytime someone says "oh me and my girlfriends" i immediately think of a relationship between two women, sorry this is like a vent but can anyone else relate? :)

i've been getting better with compulsions and i do try to just sit with the uncomfy feelings but sometimes it can be too much!! Before i couldn't be able to do any of that!! but i've been trying to train myself!!

@Lex I'm very glad to see you progress! Idk if its just me but constantly I start to think about "what if this feeling never goes away" or "what if I'm like this forever" and I get really scared but after a bit I go back to my true self and I calm down, but then it comes back lol. I'm not sure if that even falls under the HOCD category

@Anonymous i'm sure it does, i see it as our brain is like "oh they aren't in the mood to be messed with right now, let's give em a break.... JUST KIDDING!!!"

@Anonymous i deal with what you mean, sometimes it's more manageable but other times i get "spikes" and they near cripple me :)

@Lex Yeah absolutely. I feel like im dealing with this almost 24/7 and conclusions and stuff and it destroys me and I think the worst thoughts. Do you have any tips on how to stay positive and stay like the "real you"?

@Anonymous hmmm, don't avoid doing what you enjoy doing! like example, dont avoid videogames incase you see an attractive character, dont avoid a tv or movie because of an atttactive actor, the uncomfortable feeling is temporary but it's so much better when you can finally move past it!

@Lex Okay thank you! I have been watching movies with my parents and I have such a hard time getting through them because I start to check myself all the time and can't stop thinking about it but I never realized thats what you're supposed to do. Thanks Lex, you'll get through this soon and everything will go back to the way it was, just keep going and you'll be laughing about it in the near future :)

@Anonymous thank you! i hope things go well for you also!! It's okay if it gets overwhelming, take an excuse to use the restroom!! for some reason i can calm myself down when i'm in the bathroom haha

@Lex No problem! And yeah I have college and I can't even concentrate anymore at all and I constantly go to the bathroom and just look at myself in the mirror and try to calm down too lol

@Anonymous i have college too!! i remember i was so worried about it incase i had "attractive" classmates 😭

@Lex Haha same! Its so weird because before I had this HOCD I never found myself thinking about this stuff and even if I saw gay stuff I probably even got aroused or something idk but I never thought twice about it and never starting if I was gay, I was never unsure. But as soon as I got this I'm overthinking so much and even though ik its ocd I still end up wondering if its actually denial and it can be so convincing sometimes lol but its all in your mind

@Anonymous i think it also doesn't help that so much of this stuff is like, not thrown in your face but, for me i'll see an attractive male but then i'll find out it is a trans female who hasn't transitioned and my mind is like on overload, i hate the false memories and i'm pretty sure last night i had a dream :((