I need to just learn to be okay with my sexuality. I have been trying to engage in more sexual contact w my husband, but if we shower together that alone isn’t arousing. I keep having sexual dreams about men and kissing and touching them but in the dream I feel bad and remember my husband. I was aroused by a sexual image of a woman today. I’m living all these worries at once: a.) I’m not sexually aroused by my husband and will never enjoy sex with him if his body alone doesn’t turn me on b.) I’ll cheat on him and that scares me c.) I must be gay and that’s why sex isn’t as satisfying. All of these things cause immense stress. Enough to where I redownloaded this app.

I know! I don’t get my brain. Can’t it just be enough to love my husband and go from there? Being turned on by erotic images of women honestly does not really bother me as it’s not something I think about engaging in. But that plus OCD creates a cycle of: is sex bad because I’m gay?

Oh yeah that’ll do it. I feel like I can never just relax during sex and I always want to feel turned on. It freaks me out if I’m not

I can’t seem to enjoy it ever it just makes me anxious to think about

@maybethistime Yeah for a couple months it was bad. It would make me really anxious. I still get anxious, but it’s gotten better. I still have intrusive thoughts during

@NoRuminations I do too. Or just an overall lack of enjoyment

I think the core fear has always been that I won’t be satisfied with my husband and since that hasn’t fixed itself since I last downloaded the app, I’m back to square one. I get it, I try to delete this app too if I get too worked up in compulsions

I get it. I’ve been inactive at times with this app for the same reasons. It does help me know that I am not alone in my thoughts. But it can get compulsive

@maybethistime Right! Ive always wondered and worried since I was a kid about “how will I know what love is” and even worry about “how will I stay with the same person forever and still find them attractive when they grow old” Ive somehow always wanted to know forsure that my relationship is “the right one” I’m pretty sure my rOCD and hocd fears have always been present in my past but just not chronic. I have trouble with sex too questioning if I really like it or enjoy it or if I’m faking it lol it’s the WORST

@Corie I have a lot of problems like that, too. This may be triggering so please don’t be afraid to tell me if you need me to delete or whatever, but I have been aroused by sexual images of women since I was a kid. And so that has made this 90000% worse. Because even though I find myself attracted to men/dream about men/etc. that constant doubt is present. And it makes me scared that I too am faking what I feel

@Corie I’ve had the same thing. I’ve always worried about finding them still attractive growing old. That was always so big for me!!! Even NOW. I never thought of it being my OCD. But you saying you have had the same issue, it makes much more sense now

@maybethistime It’s okay that’s not at all that triggering for me! I have been the EXACT same way since I was very very young!!

@NoRuminations Right? I never knew it back then because it wasn’t chronic and just came up when I would see old men 😂

@Corie Wow. I feel like so often with ocd we find ways to distance ourselves and feel we have a much greater reason to worry. And then you stumble on a whole group who has the same fears and struggles and it just feels like a relief. Like why do we keep ourselves trapped in an endless, lonely loop. Our worries aren’t even special, it’s just something our brain decided to fixate on. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes for these reasons. I’m glad to have talked to you, this app can be good and I’m happy I feel less alone. But I am always worried I’ll take it too far and start compulsively posting one day.

@maybethistime I’m with you, I really try to stay off the app and not scroll especially when in a panic loop. If I’m not I don’t go on here as much. But it is so nice to know that we are all not alone with a disorder that tries to make it seem like we are and that tries to separate us to make us feel like no else has done, thought, or felt this way though!!

@Corie So true. Yeah, I tend to stay off here when I’m doing better!

I have, but because I’m not seeing someone in person it’s really really tough for me to follow a schedule and hold myself to it