Can someone PLEASE PLEASE help me make sense of my POCD rumination spiral or help give me encouragement ? This theme is making life very difficult . Basically I constantly have thoughts as to not stare at people inappropriately, and this includes adults , but mainly children . I don’t think I’m ACTUALLY staring creepily but it’s a back and forth with OCD . It primarily targets my little sister . It’s like “oh you looked here or there “ all the time . So I avoid being around her . Sometimes I feel like I actually do accidentally be creepy . I’ve had three panicked attacks where I’ve glanced at her and then a computer screen back and forth for a few seconds . Like sometimes it’s her chest , or her groin and stomach . It’s not intentional , its just whatever’s on my eye level and what’s close to my face . But OCD keeps torturing me about it . I’m planning on accepting the uncertainty that I might be a traumatizing creep , and to just move on and live life . However I need encouragement from someone or some suggestions . I just generally seem to glance at people a bit more than usual , but no ones taken any notice . UGH. I need help

"Pure" OCD

R1b

Date posted: 4y

I feel for you. It’s not creepy to look at loved ones. I know it seems like that and I’m sorry you are going through this terrible unreasonable illness

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I struggle with this too! Glancing is very triggering for me and I know I’m not trying or desiring that. I’m just getting started with ERP so haven’t quite gotten to do real work on this yet, but sometimes it helps me to know I’m not alone!

booba

Date posted: 4y

I’m so sorry. OCD is making you think about some of the most horrible things that happen in this world. I would encourage you to check some facts about this, even thought thinking about pedophiles is horrible and distressing. A real pedophile might avoid looking at children, yes, but that would only be when they feel they are going to get caught staring inappropriately. They do not feel the disgust that you feel, nor do they worry about if they are a pedophile. If they had the opportunity, they would stare as long as they could. Your OCD is disgusted by pedophilia like anyone would be, so much so that your mind has created a mechanism to make sure you never ever hurt a child in that way accidentally or otherwise. You are not a predator. Predators don’t feel disgust and shame. You are less likely to hurt a child than the average person, because you are hyper aware of all actions that could seem inappropriate. OCD needs to trust you, you are a good person who hates picturing these things and thinking about them at all, and you don’t need them to know how to behave in an appropriate way around children.

lucy.wilefirr

Date posted: 4y

Yeah but I still really don’t want to be accidentally inappropriate and I feel like OCD panick attacks might mimic a predators stare so people will think I’m a pedo, since I tend to glance at people more

lucy.wilefirr

Date posted: 4y

@Lucy.Wilefire Lije what seems to scare me the most are the mini panick attack where I accidentally stare at her Chest simply since it’s on my eye level and my thoughts are about not looking at her badly . I mean that could also easily be written off as annoyance , but OCD convinced me my sister will think I’m pedo when she’s older

booba

Date posted: 4y

@Lucy.Wilefire I totally understand. Intent is everything. Your eyes can look at whatever you want. It is perfectly normal and even healthy to look at kids, even kids you don’t know. It’s good for kids’ development to have healthy interactions with adults. It’s okay to smile and wave at a kid in a store. Even if you get deep in thought and it looked like you were staring at a child, the last thought in most people’s’ minds is that you are intending harm. Predators go out of their way to seek inappropriate relationships and attachments with children. You’re a safe adult, with no intention or desire to ever be inappropriate with a child. Your intention matters, that is who you are.

booba

Date posted: 4y

@Lucy.Wilefire It’s normal to look at your sister. Nudity and body parts are not inherently sexual, and neither is looking at them. If you intended to hurt your sister, or if you desired to, that would be a problem. The idea of it disgusts and terrifies you, which shows you are not going to do it, nor does any part of you want to. Your sister can’t read your mind, your thoughts are not you, you are so much more than the things that go through your head. You love your little sister, and your OCD is trying to protect her, even from you, but OCD doesn’t understand that she doesn’t need protection from her big sibling that loves her.

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