I had a intrusive terrible, evil thought about someone that really is causing me a lot of guilt and I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy because of this. I think it was an intrusive thought because it’s something I would never want or wish on anyone but the fact that I could even think of something so terrible made me question myself. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I tried praying about and talking about with my mom but it’s not helping. I’m freaking out and I just want someone to understand

Thank you so much. It really breaks my heart that I would ever have such a horrible thought about anyone. I don’t wish anything bad to happen. I don’t understand why this is happening. Why does my mind keep making me question it

@Staystrong❤ You have OCD. This is what it does. It makes you doubt, question, ruminate, and go in circles. I'm glad you're here in this community with us. We are here to help you. You are not your thoughts. Think of it like this: People that actually would want to do things that you think would likely not feel bad about that thing. You're gonna be alright. I'm here if you need to chat. Many of us are.

@Staystrong❤ How old are you?

@BigGip09 I’m 21

@BigGip09 Thank you so much

@Staystrong❤ I'm 19. It's very nice to meet you. How long have you had OCD, friend? It started in mid 2020 for me.

@Staystrong❤ You're very welcome. ❣️

@BigGip09 It’s nice to meet you too! I’m not sure. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because I’ve been scared to get help. But I’d say I’ve been struggling about a year now. It’s been really hard

@Staystrong❤ I haven't been able to get therapy either. I've been giving myself ways to sit with the thoughts, be okay with bad thoughts since everyone has them, and not argue with them. Don't feel scared to get help. I know it can be difficult to make that step, if possible. When you do make that step, please make sure that you speak with an OCD therapist so they will help you. What are your themes, if you don't mind me asking?

@BigGip09 Sexual intrusive thoughts and some other thoughts that just recently started

@Staystrong❤ My main thoughts focus on sexual intrusive thoughts, real Event, and harm. Mainly you have sexual intrusive thoughts? Do you have any compulsions that relate to anything sexual?

@BigGip09 Yes for the longest time I did. My main compulsions are constant reassurance seeking and looking up symptoms on the internet to try and relieve the stress but it just makes everything worse. I think mental checking is another too

@Staystrong❤ Yes, it's the same with me. Do not do compulsions. They are not worth it. They will only make you feel worse. Ignoring and fighting the urge to do compulsions will help you get more situated with OCD. No more googling. And no more confessing. You have to practice accepting uncertainty. If you want, you can go into detail about how this is bothering you and if it's real event or not. We can even exchange social handles if you'd like.

@BigGip09 I don’t know. I’m scared of being misunderstood. I appreciate the help though

@Staystrong❤ Take your time with it all. We're always here to listen. The last thing I would want to do is judge you on this. You have a disorder in your mind and you are asking for help. Nothing is more human than wanting to do better in life.

@BigGip09 Thank you I truly appreciate it. You’ve been very kind. I just hope I can get passed this

@Staystrong❤ You will. This won't last forever. I'm really glad I was able to give you some comfort. I hope you continue to have a good day/night!

@BigGip09 You too!