can someone maybe give me some insight i may be missing here? i have lesbian fantasies and they always make me sad afterwards and i cry and breakdown. my main obsession is if i would have sex with a girl in the future or if me and my boyfriend broke up. like i don’t want to now of course like AT ALL and i also can’t say i know i would enjoy that in the future either because i don’t know how im going to feel in the future. i desire to marry my boyfriend and spend my life with him and rather than experiment with a girl. so my question is, i know it turns me on to think of these things and it makes me upset when i do and i base this obsession on the sole principle that i do have lesbian fantasies. if they make me so upset after why.... would i be worried about actually wanting to experiment? i honestly don’t know if i want to or not. the idea of that is hot! but the reality of it now just scares me, i don’t want it.

it’s hot in the moment but i hate how i feel afterwards. and i don’t want that right now and i’m not sure of the future. ocd has got me completely confused

what do you mean?

@holley Ocd is tuff

@Peridottttt it really is

i loved this reply but i just stopped obsessing over why i have those fantasies and it isn’t because it’s taboo i think and that whole obsession was like “i have these fantasies because i actually want them in real life” and it’s not your fault just seeing the word taboo triggered that obsession again

@holley Sorry for triggering you. And OCD can feel so real. So real that we don’t know the answer sometimes. That’s what accepting the uncertainty is (easier said than done). I have a similar problem, so I can relate. But do your best to not figure it out. “The more you look for certainty, the less certain you will be”.

@NoRuminations i’m at that point where i know the answer now that i’m straight now but like the future... like i can’t be like im going to be straight now and forever because what if??? but you are right. my main thing is what if me and my boyfriend break up, which i don’t secretly want that to happen like girls that want to experiment. i want him forever

@holley Yes, I understand! I love my girlfriend and I do see a future with her. But there is always that WHAT IF. Cant me loving my girlfriend and being happy with her be enough? Not for my ocd it isn’t. It just constantly wants a reason to keep me trapped and stuck. It wants an answer!🤦🏽‍♂️ but we got this, we don’t need to give OCD what it wants.

What if you don’t know what’s beneath your feelings? Cause the thought of being with a girl, attracted to a girl, wanting to do stuff with and being happy with a girl terrifies me and makes my heart drop And i always thought it was because it wouldn’t be who i always thought i was. It wouldn’t make sense as i always was attracted to boys in my childhood and preteen years until this hit, and i still have times where im attracted to boys even if im worried its forced or something. I’ve even fallen in love with a guy. I’ve also always dreamed of having a husband and falling in love with a guy, and now im sad that i feel like i can’t have that. And the thought of having that with a girl makes me sad cause it’s just not the same. I would care less if i was a lesbian, because i would enjoy the thoughts. They wouldnt make me anxious, and i wouldnt be scared to like them, etc. I’m just so lost and this is like torture. It’s making me feel attracted to girls and repulsed by guys when that’s never been who i am or what i’ve wanted and still want. I’m so supportive and i dont want this to come off offensive at all cause there’s nothing wrong with being gay. And my ocd has always hung into sexually intrusive thoughts as i was sexually assualted when i was 9 and witness 7 other girls get assaulted as well. I just feel like im crazy and im never gonna get better