Dealing with a lot of feelings of guilt about how my OCD affects my boyfriend’s life. I’m constantly seeking reassurance from him (ROCD, health OCD, etc) and the worse I start to feel about it the more reassurance I feel like I need from him and it turns into a vicious cycle. I’m starting treatment next week but was wondering if anyone knew of any resources or support communities for partners/loved ones of those with OCD

I totally understand what you are going through and can relate 100% on experiencing relationship-themed obsessions and compulsions with my ocd. Seeking reassurance is honestly the hardest thing I have had to overcome and I still slip up from time to time to get reassurance from my fiance on a variety of obsessions. The thing about reassurance is that it’s like an addiction. It feels so good in the moment but so awful afterwards. And we tell ourselves that we can’t keep doing it and we can’t keep hurting our partner even though the ocd is screaming to perform these compulsions with the promise that it will make us feel better. My constant reassurance seeking has caused a lot of problems in the past with my fiance and I, but deep down he knows how much I struggle, and does not hold it against me. Because your partner loves you, he will want to give into your reassurance and your ocd will tell you it’s fine to ask the obsessive questions because your partner always answers. The ocd doesn’t care that you are putting a strain on the relationship. It is indeed a vicious cycle and you are not alone in this. Myself and so many others with ocd deal with this very thing. There is hope though! I recently spoke with my therapist about this very topic and she gave me a brilliant way of dealing with my constant reassurance seeking that I had never thought of before. She told me to print out a certain number of “Reassurance Coupons.” Every time I want reassurance from my fiance, I have to give him one of these coupons. There are only a set number though. Once they are gone, no more reassurance. I told my fiance about this and he thought it was a great idea. A phyisical reminder of the strain my ocd was causing was just what I needed. I have yet to use one of these coupons and maybe I never will. Just something to think about! It may not work for you, but your therapist will be able to have some great expert opinions on what will be best for you. That’s so great that you are starting treatment! It is key to work with a therapist that will give you a specific ERP gameplan to deal with this! You are so much stronger than you know and you got this! Also, if you would like a specific resource for people that have loved ones with ocd, I am a big fan of the Made of Millions website. It has so many great resources for sufferers and non sufferers. Sending you lots of good thoughts!!

I struggle with this too. And it has afffected my relationship so much, he gets so frustrated with me which I don’t blame him. This is not atypical for people with OCD to run into. I’m glad to hear you’re starting treatment because it can be really helpful in these situations. Your provider will be able to help you manage this in a healthy way! In the meantime, there is a ton of info about OCD and the reassurance cycle on the internet. Here’s a good one: https://beyondocd.org/information-for-friends-and-family