- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Also I wanted to add that I when I was younger I felt like as a girl I shouldn’t express my interest in a guy to much because it would be inappropriate for a girl to be that interested in sex. Which is really stupid and kind of influence by the idea that society forces on us I think. And then again women are sexualized constantly and all of this confuses the hell out of my SOOCD. Sorry for all my rambling about this but I just need to talk to someone about this.
- Date posted
- 4y
I can relate! Let me give a little insight as someone who identified as bisexual woman before the SOOCD kicked in.. maybe it could help give perspective. The SOOCD has been a mindfuck and has really caused me to have to break down a lot of distorted beliefs I've been fed by society and media about sexuality and sexual orientation. As much as people expect us to fit near and tidy boxes, we are complex humans, and as much as I wanted to fit in a box in the past, ocd has forced me to lean into acceptance that our preferences and attractions dont have to look a certain way to be okay, not do they have to look a certain way for our relationship to be deemed "right". Just sharing this as its helped me to lean into uncertainty a lot more and I've been suffering this theme pretty hard for the last year and a half of my relationship. On another note, the internet will always be full of black and white beliefs about sexuality (stuff like that masterdoc you refer to). A mentality I like to take with ocd is that just because it was true or relevant for someone else, does not automatically equal universal truth or truth for me. As humans we get to do what we want, as hard as ocd makes that to believe. Are you doing any erp by the way?
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks a lot that was really insightful! I think black and white thinking is a huge problem when it comes to ocd and because there exists a lot of black and white information about sexuality out there, we get even more confused. I hate this whole mentality of „if you do x then you‘re y“ because my ocd always takes that out of concept and runs wild with it. And when I have clarity I know how stupid it is I really do but when I‘m in the middle of a lapse it all comes to getter and creates this different reality and the harder I try to escape the worse it gets. Thank you a lot for taking the time to answer and share your perspective!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Absolutely! It's just like you said, people form a lot of beliefs around, if you do x, then you ARE y, etc. Its very limiting and I think tends to devalue the fact that we are allowed to be complex as humans. That philosophy has helped me to just make it through some of my worst days. :) although not saying it's easy cause I understand how easy it is to soak up stuff we read online and take it as capital T truth.
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t think not being arroused just by looking at someone naked, whichever gender it is, means anything. Some people are arroused by different things. Sometimes looking at pics is enough for me, sometimes it’s not. 90% of the time just sexting is enough. It all varies and I’m pretty sure if you fixate on it like OMG I’m not arroused then you won’t be
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah I kind of know that you‘re right. And also I never used to worry about this I just enjoyed myself with whatever was arousing me lol. Ever since I read that comphet masterdoc I obsess if I‘m visualy attracted enough to guys and the more I think about the less certain I feel ugh!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni I haven’t read the doc because I saw lots of warnings. But I can totally relate but you’re also testing and checking which isn’t gonna help you at all.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly You‘re right I do on the one hand know that I‘m being very compulsive again but on the other it is soooo hard to resist. Thank you for answering to my post, ocd feels so isolating sometimes I just need to get it all of my chest.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Yeah but it won’t get less if you don’t resist. It took me like 2 months to resist and then I was better for a month then relapsed !
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Uhhg I hate ocd! Sorry to hear that :/ are you working with a therapist?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni I met with a NOCD therapist last night and I start soon. Previously I was working with a normal therapist and it just made things worse
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Yeah a lot of people don‘t get ocd which is just sad. But it‘s great that you‘re now working with a NOCD therapist I think they have some really qualified people on there. I hope they’ll launch it in my country soon!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Awh I hope so for you. It’s expensive so maybe look for an ocd specialist in your country
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly I‘ve been working with a therapist for over a year now but still falling down the rabbit whole all the time. At this point I think I should really find someone who activity works with erp because mindfulness on itsown hasn’t helped me so far. Wish you all the best for therapy!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Yes ....
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- 4y
Oh and I‘m not doing erp because my therapist doesn’t really get the concept of mental compulsions so I just try to survive somehow:/
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh no! Yeah I have avoided ERP for a long time but I just got setup with someone at NOCD to start a treatment plan. I would recommend finding some way to ease into some erp if you can even if its just trying out the little suggestions on this app cause as much as it sucks, I'm realizing how that has been the big missing piece for me and why I'm not getting better after a long time with ocd
- Date posted
- 4y
@hanny123 Yeah I thought of trying it on my own but I‘m scared of making it worse by that :/ But last week I was able to cut out a lot of my compulsions so maybe I should start there and then consider adding some erp. Really glad that you found someone on NOCD good look with your treatment!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Thank you! And also not to scare you but I think it's good to go into erp with the expectation that it may in fact make things worse (by that I only mean it may in fact make things feel worse,but actually that's good cause you're exposing yourself to the fear and building strength to it) before you start to feel more confident and better. Good luck to you as well!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Just tired af... Anyone else feels like everything is a lie all the time and there is no "before the OCD I was boy crazy" just the OCD since forever... or denial because of that aspect? Really struggeling with the physical aspect of SOOCD : looking at a women's body and really feeling something and getting turned on and looking at a man's and not feeling anything... I just dont understand! I asked my friends and many of them said they dont feel anything looking at a man's body as well (they're straight) but also looking at a women's doesnt feel like much. I just dont understand ughhhh
- Date posted
- 19w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 19w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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