- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Also I wanted to add that I when I was younger I felt like as a girl I shouldn’t express my interest in a guy to much because it would be inappropriate for a girl to be that interested in sex. Which is really stupid and kind of influence by the idea that society forces on us I think. And then again women are sexualized constantly and all of this confuses the hell out of my SOOCD. Sorry for all my rambling about this but I just need to talk to someone about this.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I can relate! Let me give a little insight as someone who identified as bisexual woman before the SOOCD kicked in.. maybe it could help give perspective. The SOOCD has been a mindfuck and has really caused me to have to break down a lot of distorted beliefs I've been fed by society and media about sexuality and sexual orientation. As much as people expect us to fit near and tidy boxes, we are complex humans, and as much as I wanted to fit in a box in the past, ocd has forced me to lean into acceptance that our preferences and attractions dont have to look a certain way to be okay, not do they have to look a certain way for our relationship to be deemed "right". Just sharing this as its helped me to lean into uncertainty a lot more and I've been suffering this theme pretty hard for the last year and a half of my relationship. On another note, the internet will always be full of black and white beliefs about sexuality (stuff like that masterdoc you refer to). A mentality I like to take with ocd is that just because it was true or relevant for someone else, does not automatically equal universal truth or truth for me. As humans we get to do what we want, as hard as ocd makes that to believe. Are you doing any erp by the way?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thanks a lot that was really insightful! I think black and white thinking is a huge problem when it comes to ocd and because there exists a lot of black and white information about sexuality out there, we get even more confused. I hate this whole mentality of „if you do x then you‘re y“ because my ocd always takes that out of concept and runs wild with it. And when I have clarity I know how stupid it is I really do but when I‘m in the middle of a lapse it all comes to getter and creates this different reality and the harder I try to escape the worse it gets. Thank you a lot for taking the time to answer and share your perspective!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni Absolutely! It's just like you said, people form a lot of beliefs around, if you do x, then you ARE y, etc. Its very limiting and I think tends to devalue the fact that we are allowed to be complex as humans. That philosophy has helped me to just make it through some of my worst days. :) although not saying it's easy cause I understand how easy it is to soak up stuff we read online and take it as capital T truth.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I don’t think not being arroused just by looking at someone naked, whichever gender it is, means anything. Some people are arroused by different things. Sometimes looking at pics is enough for me, sometimes it’s not. 90% of the time just sexting is enough. It all varies and I’m pretty sure if you fixate on it like OMG I’m not arroused then you won’t be
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yeah I kind of know that you‘re right. And also I never used to worry about this I just enjoyed myself with whatever was arousing me lol. Ever since I read that comphet masterdoc I obsess if I‘m visualy attracted enough to guys and the more I think about the less certain I feel ugh!!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni I haven’t read the doc because I saw lots of warnings. But I can totally relate but you’re also testing and checking which isn’t gonna help you at all.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly You‘re right I do on the one hand know that I‘m being very compulsive again but on the other it is soooo hard to resist. Thank you for answering to my post, ocd feels so isolating sometimes I just need to get it all of my chest.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni Yeah but it won’t get less if you don’t resist. It took me like 2 months to resist and then I was better for a month then relapsed !
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly Uhhg I hate ocd! Sorry to hear that :/ are you working with a therapist?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni I met with a NOCD therapist last night and I start soon. Previously I was working with a normal therapist and it just made things worse
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly Yeah a lot of people don‘t get ocd which is just sad. But it‘s great that you‘re now working with a NOCD therapist I think they have some really qualified people on there. I hope they’ll launch it in my country soon!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni Awh I hope so for you. It’s expensive so maybe look for an ocd specialist in your country
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Justmesadly I‘ve been working with a therapist for over a year now but still falling down the rabbit whole all the time. At this point I think I should really find someone who activity works with erp because mindfulness on itsown hasn’t helped me so far. Wish you all the best for therapy!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni Yes ....
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Oh and I‘m not doing erp because my therapist doesn’t really get the concept of mental compulsions so I just try to survive somehow:/
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Oh no! Yeah I have avoided ERP for a long time but I just got setup with someone at NOCD to start a treatment plan. I would recommend finding some way to ease into some erp if you can even if its just trying out the little suggestions on this app cause as much as it sucks, I'm realizing how that has been the big missing piece for me and why I'm not getting better after a long time with ocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@hanny123 Yeah I thought of trying it on my own but I‘m scared of making it worse by that :/ But last week I was able to cut out a lot of my compulsions so maybe I should start there and then consider adding some erp. Really glad that you found someone on NOCD good look with your treatment!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Heleni Thank you! And also not to scare you but I think it's good to go into erp with the expectation that it may in fact make things worse (by that I only mean it may in fact make things feel worse,but actually that's good cause you're exposing yourself to the fear and building strength to it) before you start to feel more confident and better. Good luck to you as well!
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- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
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- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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