- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Also I wanted to add that I when I was younger I felt like as a girl I shouldn’t express my interest in a guy to much because it would be inappropriate for a girl to be that interested in sex. Which is really stupid and kind of influence by the idea that society forces on us I think. And then again women are sexualized constantly and all of this confuses the hell out of my SOOCD. Sorry for all my rambling about this but I just need to talk to someone about this.
- Date posted
- 4y
I can relate! Let me give a little insight as someone who identified as bisexual woman before the SOOCD kicked in.. maybe it could help give perspective. The SOOCD has been a mindfuck and has really caused me to have to break down a lot of distorted beliefs I've been fed by society and media about sexuality and sexual orientation. As much as people expect us to fit near and tidy boxes, we are complex humans, and as much as I wanted to fit in a box in the past, ocd has forced me to lean into acceptance that our preferences and attractions dont have to look a certain way to be okay, not do they have to look a certain way for our relationship to be deemed "right". Just sharing this as its helped me to lean into uncertainty a lot more and I've been suffering this theme pretty hard for the last year and a half of my relationship. On another note, the internet will always be full of black and white beliefs about sexuality (stuff like that masterdoc you refer to). A mentality I like to take with ocd is that just because it was true or relevant for someone else, does not automatically equal universal truth or truth for me. As humans we get to do what we want, as hard as ocd makes that to believe. Are you doing any erp by the way?
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks a lot that was really insightful! I think black and white thinking is a huge problem when it comes to ocd and because there exists a lot of black and white information about sexuality out there, we get even more confused. I hate this whole mentality of „if you do x then you‘re y“ because my ocd always takes that out of concept and runs wild with it. And when I have clarity I know how stupid it is I really do but when I‘m in the middle of a lapse it all comes to getter and creates this different reality and the harder I try to escape the worse it gets. Thank you a lot for taking the time to answer and share your perspective!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Absolutely! It's just like you said, people form a lot of beliefs around, if you do x, then you ARE y, etc. Its very limiting and I think tends to devalue the fact that we are allowed to be complex as humans. That philosophy has helped me to just make it through some of my worst days. :) although not saying it's easy cause I understand how easy it is to soak up stuff we read online and take it as capital T truth.
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t think not being arroused just by looking at someone naked, whichever gender it is, means anything. Some people are arroused by different things. Sometimes looking at pics is enough for me, sometimes it’s not. 90% of the time just sexting is enough. It all varies and I’m pretty sure if you fixate on it like OMG I’m not arroused then you won’t be
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah I kind of know that you‘re right. And also I never used to worry about this I just enjoyed myself with whatever was arousing me lol. Ever since I read that comphet masterdoc I obsess if I‘m visualy attracted enough to guys and the more I think about the less certain I feel ugh!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni I haven’t read the doc because I saw lots of warnings. But I can totally relate but you’re also testing and checking which isn’t gonna help you at all.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly You‘re right I do on the one hand know that I‘m being very compulsive again but on the other it is soooo hard to resist. Thank you for answering to my post, ocd feels so isolating sometimes I just need to get it all of my chest.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Yeah but it won’t get less if you don’t resist. It took me like 2 months to resist and then I was better for a month then relapsed !
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Uhhg I hate ocd! Sorry to hear that :/ are you working with a therapist?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni I met with a NOCD therapist last night and I start soon. Previously I was working with a normal therapist and it just made things worse
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly Yeah a lot of people don‘t get ocd which is just sad. But it‘s great that you‘re now working with a NOCD therapist I think they have some really qualified people on there. I hope they’ll launch it in my country soon!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Awh I hope so for you. It’s expensive so maybe look for an ocd specialist in your country
- Date posted
- 4y
@Justmesadly I‘ve been working with a therapist for over a year now but still falling down the rabbit whole all the time. At this point I think I should really find someone who activity works with erp because mindfulness on itsown hasn’t helped me so far. Wish you all the best for therapy!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Yes ....
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh and I‘m not doing erp because my therapist doesn’t really get the concept of mental compulsions so I just try to survive somehow:/
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh no! Yeah I have avoided ERP for a long time but I just got setup with someone at NOCD to start a treatment plan. I would recommend finding some way to ease into some erp if you can even if its just trying out the little suggestions on this app cause as much as it sucks, I'm realizing how that has been the big missing piece for me and why I'm not getting better after a long time with ocd
- Date posted
- 4y
@hanny123 Yeah I thought of trying it on my own but I‘m scared of making it worse by that :/ But last week I was able to cut out a lot of my compulsions so maybe I should start there and then consider adding some erp. Really glad that you found someone on NOCD good look with your treatment!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Thank you! And also not to scare you but I think it's good to go into erp with the expectation that it may in fact make things worse (by that I only mean it may in fact make things feel worse,but actually that's good cause you're exposing yourself to the fear and building strength to it) before you start to feel more confident and better. Good luck to you as well!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
- Date posted
- 12w
hi guys i added to list. i’m freaking out i just need some help. signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • • talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” only being aroused by their the man’s desire for me • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. chasing the ego boost more than emotional closeness agreed with friends or mom about someone being attractive even if you didn’t feel it—another big flag being bored, ditching serious commitment, chasing the drama again it also feels like i’m acting a lot of the time to make it more romantic cause i cringe When you fantasize about men, it is mostly just enacting a kind of narrative. More focused on movement than features- the men in your fantasies might be faceless or blank-featured or their bodies might symbolize some emotion. you might not even be in the in the fantasy, but instead another faceless woman might be. You might even imagine yourself as the man. The narrative follows the sexual script, but the details are more vague and abstract and might even shift and change throughout the fantasy. i dont care about like what guys looks like. like my sister saw a video of a guy working out and was like got damn omg gotta like that. if i saw that i would prob be like damn to try and prove something to myself but i don’t really understand what i should feel it feels like i relate to so much comphet after i read it on reddit and it doesn’t even make me want to cry and die anymore. it feels like i tolerate men or have done it for attention or because i thought it was going to happen at some point cause it was what was happening around me like sister and friends. i’m scared ill never find someone i want to marry that’s a man it feels like it’s all just comphet and i don’t want to actually be with a man the more my meds work and anxiety lessens the more the fear feels real because i can’t get myself anxious about it anymore. i can about other stuff but not this. i always told myself i don’t chase i attract. maybe thats cause i never wanted a big badly enough. maybe what im missing is a girl what if that ends up feeling more real Straight people don’t need to talk themselves into what’s hot. like during the hocd break i would try and like see what was “hot” and and be like yeah that’s hot. i also i refused to masturbate to women and not think about it because i didn’t want it to prove that i still liked it but i mean idk if that was left over hocd
- Date posted
- 5w
Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help
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