To my fellow female SOOCD sufferers: I had some really good two weeks with some moments of clarity where I could see through all the bullsh*t my brain is producing. However I got pulled back in the cycle and here we go again 🙄 Atm I‘m not even that panicked about liking girls it is more about my attraction to men that I‘m obsessing about. I don‘t get aroused by just seeing a hot naked guy. I do fantasize more about being touched and everything by a guy and being wanted by him. Sorry if this is tmi but I‘m stressed that this means I don‘t like men enough and that Leads back to my fear of being in denial about being a lesbian. Because then I worry that I could be aroused just by the picture of a woman even if that has never happened before. And also men can get of just by lookin at pictures of hot woman, does that mean that if I am a straight girl I should be able to get turned on by just looking at good looking guys? This has been confusing the hell out of me and the whole concept of comphet hasn’t helped as well. Anyone who can relate?

Has anyone else with SOOCD found themselves mentally reviewing literally every interaction they’ve ever had with the sex that their OCD is telling them they are attracted to rather than the want they want and know themselves to be attracted to?? I am a straight female and ever since my OCD flared up about two months ago I have spent every minute of every day ruminating over past experiences and my mind has convinced me that I was attracted to virtually every female figure in my life, even though I have never actually acted on any of these presumptions. Likewise, my brain is pushing away all of the actual memories I have of being in love with past boyfriends and having crushes on guys. Now, when I see a girl anywhere I freak out and automatically assume I’m attracted to them, even though the thought of being gay makes me sick to my stomach and is never something that I want to act on. And also, when I see any guy that I find attractive, I will acknowledge that I find them attractive but it’s like my mind is telling me I’m faking it because I must actually like women. These thoughts are so incredibly painful because I feel like my attraction to men is fading away even though I only ever want to be with men in the future. I feel like I’m numb to everything and it’s making the anxiety soso much worse. Anyone who can relate or provide any advice would be greatly appreciated.

So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?

This post will be for people 18+ and it is a topic on sexual attraction, if you are comfortable you can read but it’s completely up to you. I know I’m not the only woman that watches lesbian love for pleasure as we are all humans and our hormones go up. I’ve been watching lesbian love for years now (about 3 years) and in most of that time, not once did I question my sexuality until someone asked me a question that triggered my overthinking. Today after watching that, I was asking myself questions like what it would feel like to do this with a woman? How would it feel like to be with one? And because these thoughts came to my mind I freaked out because I keep thinking that I like females but never in my life and even till this day have I ever fallen in love with a women or even thought about marrying a women one day. I always want to have a husband one day and at least have a kid or two. But lately all this questioning has me confused to the point where I question if I’m bi or lesbian and if I even have SOOCD or if it’s generally just me tryna figure out my sexuality or if I’m just in denial. I am also talking to a man romantically and whenever I’m around him I feel happy and I’m always excited to talk to him and he also makes my heart flutter and my body burn for him. But because of these recent thoughts I’ve been having, it just confuses me and adds some stress. Any tips for how I can go about this?