- Username
- Heleni
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Also I wanted to add that I when I was younger I felt like as a girl I shouldn’t express my interest in a guy to much because it would be inappropriate for a girl to be that interested in sex. Which is really stupid and kind of influence by the idea that society forces on us I think. And then again women are sexualized constantly and all of this confuses the hell out of my SOOCD. Sorry for all my rambling about this but I just need to talk to someone about this.
I can relate! Let me give a little insight as someone who identified as bisexual woman before the SOOCD kicked in.. maybe it could help give perspective. The SOOCD has been a mindfuck and has really caused me to have to break down a lot of distorted beliefs I've been fed by society and media about sexuality and sexual orientation. As much as people expect us to fit near and tidy boxes, we are complex humans, and as much as I wanted to fit in a box in the past, ocd has forced me to lean into acceptance that our preferences and attractions dont have to look a certain way to be okay, not do they have to look a certain way for our relationship to be deemed "right". Just sharing this as its helped me to lean into uncertainty a lot more and I've been suffering this theme pretty hard for the last year and a half of my relationship. On another note, the internet will always be full of black and white beliefs about sexuality (stuff like that masterdoc you refer to). A mentality I like to take with ocd is that just because it was true or relevant for someone else, does not automatically equal universal truth or truth for me. As humans we get to do what we want, as hard as ocd makes that to believe. Are you doing any erp by the way?
Thanks a lot that was really insightful! I think black and white thinking is a huge problem when it comes to ocd and because there exists a lot of black and white information about sexuality out there, we get even more confused. I hate this whole mentality of „if you do x then you‘re y“ because my ocd always takes that out of concept and runs wild with it. And when I have clarity I know how stupid it is I really do but when I‘m in the middle of a lapse it all comes to getter and creates this different reality and the harder I try to escape the worse it gets. Thank you a lot for taking the time to answer and share your perspective!
@Heleni Absolutely! It's just like you said, people form a lot of beliefs around, if you do x, then you ARE y, etc. Its very limiting and I think tends to devalue the fact that we are allowed to be complex as humans. That philosophy has helped me to just make it through some of my worst days. :) although not saying it's easy cause I understand how easy it is to soak up stuff we read online and take it as capital T truth.
I don’t think not being arroused just by looking at someone naked, whichever gender it is, means anything. Some people are arroused by different things. Sometimes looking at pics is enough for me, sometimes it’s not. 90% of the time just sexting is enough. It all varies and I’m pretty sure if you fixate on it like OMG I’m not arroused then you won’t be
Yeah I kind of know that you‘re right. And also I never used to worry about this I just enjoyed myself with whatever was arousing me lol. Ever since I read that comphet masterdoc I obsess if I‘m visualy attracted enough to guys and the more I think about the less certain I feel ugh!!
@Heleni I haven’t read the doc because I saw lots of warnings. But I can totally relate but you’re also testing and checking which isn’t gonna help you at all.
@Justmesadly You‘re right I do on the one hand know that I‘m being very compulsive again but on the other it is soooo hard to resist. Thank you for answering to my post, ocd feels so isolating sometimes I just need to get it all of my chest.
@Heleni Yeah but it won’t get less if you don’t resist. It took me like 2 months to resist and then I was better for a month then relapsed !
@Justmesadly Uhhg I hate ocd! Sorry to hear that :/ are you working with a therapist?
@Heleni I met with a NOCD therapist last night and I start soon. Previously I was working with a normal therapist and it just made things worse
@Justmesadly Yeah a lot of people don‘t get ocd which is just sad. But it‘s great that you‘re now working with a NOCD therapist I think they have some really qualified people on there. I hope they’ll launch it in my country soon!
@Heleni Awh I hope so for you. It’s expensive so maybe look for an ocd specialist in your country
@Justmesadly I‘ve been working with a therapist for over a year now but still falling down the rabbit whole all the time. At this point I think I should really find someone who activity works with erp because mindfulness on itsown hasn’t helped me so far. Wish you all the best for therapy!
@Heleni Yes ....
Oh and I‘m not doing erp because my therapist doesn’t really get the concept of mental compulsions so I just try to survive somehow:/
Oh no! Yeah I have avoided ERP for a long time but I just got setup with someone at NOCD to start a treatment plan. I would recommend finding some way to ease into some erp if you can even if its just trying out the little suggestions on this app cause as much as it sucks, I'm realizing how that has been the big missing piece for me and why I'm not getting better after a long time with ocd
@hanny123 Yeah I thought of trying it on my own but I‘m scared of making it worse by that :/ But last week I was able to cut out a lot of my compulsions so maybe I should start there and then consider adding some erp. Really glad that you found someone on NOCD good look with your treatment!
@Heleni Thank you! And also not to scare you but I think it's good to go into erp with the expectation that it may in fact make things worse (by that I only mean it may in fact make things feel worse,but actually that's good cause you're exposing yourself to the fear and building strength to it) before you start to feel more confident and better. Good luck to you as well!
Has anyone else with SOOCD found themselves mentally reviewing literally every interaction they’ve ever had with the sex that their OCD is telling them they are attracted to rather than the want they want and know themselves to be attracted to?? I am a straight female and ever since my OCD flared up about two months ago I have spent every minute of every day ruminating over past experiences and my mind has convinced me that I was attracted to virtually every female figure in my life, even though I have never actually acted on any of these presumptions. Likewise, my brain is pushing away all of the actual memories I have of being in love with past boyfriends and having crushes on guys. Now, when I see a girl anywhere I freak out and automatically assume I’m attracted to them, even though the thought of being gay makes me sick to my stomach and is never something that I want to act on. And also, when I see any guy that I find attractive, I will acknowledge that I find them attractive but it’s like my mind is telling me I’m faking it because I must actually like women. These thoughts are so incredibly painful because I feel like my attraction to men is fading away even though I only ever want to be with men in the future. I feel like I’m numb to everything and it’s making the anxiety soso much worse. Anyone who can relate or provide any advice would be greatly appreciated.
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
This post will be for people 18+ and it is a topic on sexual attraction, if you are comfortable you can read but it’s completely up to you. I know I’m not the only woman that watches lesbian love for pleasure as we are all humans and our hormones go up. I’ve been watching lesbian love for years now (about 3 years) and in most of that time, not once did I question my sexuality until someone asked me a question that triggered my overthinking. Today after watching that, I was asking myself questions like what it would feel like to do this with a woman? How would it feel like to be with one? And because these thoughts came to my mind I freaked out because I keep thinking that I like females but never in my life and even till this day have I ever fallen in love with a women or even thought about marrying a women one day. I always want to have a husband one day and at least have a kid or two. But lately all this questioning has me confused to the point where I question if I’m bi or lesbian and if I even have SOOCD or if it’s generally just me tryna figure out my sexuality or if I’m just in denial. I am also talking to a man romantically and whenever I’m around him I feel happy and I’m always excited to talk to him and he also makes my heart flutter and my body burn for him. But because of these recent thoughts I’ve been having, it just confuses me and adds some stress. Any tips for how I can go about this?
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