I feel so terrible. My ROCD striked when I was the happiest person. When my partner told me he loved me. When we were awaiting the New Year. I was to happy and then at one moment I had an innocent thought 'Why did I just spend a couple of hours doing my thing and didn't think about him?' I felt really bad, got so scared I felt my body numbing out. It got worse over time. At first, I was panicking as hell. Cried my eyes out, because I didn't know about ROCD. Then, I got depressed as hell. I lied in my bed for a couple of weeks, feeling almost dead from the stress. Then it got a bit better. I felt a lotnof anxiety, but the thoughts didn't attack me as much. I tried to live my life Now it's worse again. I want to cry all the time. I cannot study. I cannot do anything. Thoughts change rapidly. I feel a lot of guilt and I am very scared. Sometimes I say I want to die. Because I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know who I am. I just want to be happy again with him. He's the best person I've ever met. God, please, I want this to be gone. I want this to go. I feel so terrible. I beg you please. I don't want to lose the person I loved the most. Everything beautiful has just begun then. I wake up with a feeling that I don't know where I am and who I am. Why does my bf has to love me if I'm like that? I hate myself.

All I can say is, sadly, I totally understand 😔❤

Remember that life begins on the other side of fear! I know ERP is scary.. it used to scare the shit out of me. I used to think I was using OCD as an excuse for my thoughts. The best thing you can do is to stop trying to run away from your thoughts, stop trying to stop them because that’s what is going to make them pop up more. Resistance is fuel for OCD. Embrace the thoughts and practice agreeing with them in a sarcastic way. I do not take medication but if you are open to natural alternatives I would recommend microdosing magic mushrooms. That’s what I’ve been doing for about a month and it has helped me out so much. I also take vitamins because I read that vitamin deficiency can cause anxiety to spike. I take B12, vitamin D, ashwaganda, 5HTP and folate. I hope this helps

Hello! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went to through something very similar to this. I promise you with ERP it does get better. Put in all your effort and you will overcome this. I know it’s hard when OCD and depression combine but you’re stronger than you think! I don’t know if you relate but my anxiety is worst when I wake up. By creating a routine as soon as I wake up, I’ve been able to feel much better. I wake up and immediately get up and go for a walk around my neighborhood. I don’t give myself the time to stay in bed to think. Then I meditate and then I make myself breakfast. I wish you the best and I’m sending you strength and positivity ❤️ you will beat this!