Naa this distress and depression is to much today i just feel gay 😥... how could my love women just go ?

It's the nature of OCD. It attacks what is most important to you. To us bro. This week it did its ultimate attack on me. But I'm choosing to fight. It's my choice to fight. Its given me every thought in the book to convince but we still fight.

Dude, it's worse than ever with me. I don't know how I'm gonna beat this.

Dude, now I just had some young dude trigger me and it one those situations where u see something then look away immediately and a jolt of anxiety comes and it feels like you want to look towards it. Omg bro. This shit is kicking my ass.

Mate its feels like i actually like penis wtf mate what do i do ?

I get those thoughts to not abusing as such but i will say stuff in my head like i hope he doesnt wake up or some shit like that but i do get images aswel of me doing stuff but it doesnt bother me as much ? Why is this ?

I hate my life. Sure I'm in bed again but that's because I'm in my sister's house waiting for my session to start. But I'm here and my feels like it's looking for different ways to make me feel like I turned. For instance the old lady thoughts hadn't bothered me in a few days but they just came in. There's that fat dude that triggered before here in this house and the dude is sleeping and I still haven't even seen the dude but my mind is making that the biggest thing. Which is hilarious because yesterday that picture of Thor triggered the fuck outta me and was in my mind all day but nope I barely remember it but now this is a problem. It's crazy how this works.

I just said ok im gay fuck it but no relief and i know i couldnt give up women ..... say for instance i was with a man i know i would be like this aint right i want to be with a woman ? ...why am i generally just thinking of guys like there is know way back 😞

Ive had another bad day this penis thing is killing me it feels to real and then loss attraction to women and there bits is just really sad. Because i dont think i could have loved women anymore 😞

The dude would trigger the fuck outta me then he wouldn't, then he would. Its bullshit but then my mind throws up all this other shit to make feel like I'm turning. I know I'm putting more into it than it deserves but fuck it feels real. False attraction is fucked bro.

Bro, I'm gonna try to stay off of this site for awhile except for when I talk to my therapist. I noticed how much of a compulsion this is. So I'm gonna try to stop. If you really need to vent, I will help if I can. Thank you for listening all this time bro. Hope you heal. You deserve it.

Thats cool mate i understand your right tho coming on here is no good 😞. How much is the therapy ?

Dude, I wanted to stay off here but this shit is breaking me. From last night into today, I stopped messaging and posting and just tried to sit with the thoughts. The anxiety only came down after hours because my mind always threw up a new fucking thought that would make it worse. That fucking fat dude (who I will admit is not a bad looking dude, nothing wrong with that shit) is the only, ONLY, fucking thing my mind can throw up at me. And its killing me. That shit is fucked up and I'm back to completely doubting myself. Then I would reassure because that shit is fucked and I would never do gay shit but the my mind side steps that, saying "that shit doesnt matter jay." Now I can barely interact with anyone even my brothers without feeling like a fag. Fuck my life!

I feel your pain mate i really do ... i feel like i like the way penises look😞 dont get much worse than that

I really cant get past this mate its like a tumour in my head 😞

you know you can get past this mate just give it time. When is your next session?

Bro I'm freaking out. I'm nervous as hell and I felt like I almost was gonna blurt out that I turned to my sister. It's so bad bro. It's so bad.

My moms boyfriend asking too many questions. Now I feel like a fag. Plus my is trying like hell to keep me thinking trying to throw up "you're gay" or "if you're around cute guys". I never say that shit but my mind is getting at me bro. Why couldnt this dude shut up???? Now I'm really anxiety high. Now I'm really done bro. Is God trying to kill me??? Wft bro???? I'm done.

Sorry bro. It's just I got real paranoid today and my mind brought up the same couple of things along the feeling like it's all true. Shit is trash. Anyways I'm trying to relax at my mom's house. Hopefully tomorrow will better if I get some real sleep. I just did a checking compulsion. I get that feeling sometimes that maybe my compulsions are different from everyone else's but at the same time I know my thoughts are exaggerating everything. Gotta learn to relax more. Hope you're doing better than I am bro.

Not really mate i just probably just think im gay bi sexual whatever.. i feel like i have penis in my head it cant be normal 😞

I wish I had a way to beat it bro. I'd show you. I feel like I know enough to beat this but not enough relax my thoughts enough to beat this.

I can wake up bad. I can go to sleep bad. But I've been through hell and it burned me but I ain't dead. I messed me up but I ain't dead. Deed under all this bullshit, I'm still Jason. It's taken as much I as I ever thought possible but I'm still Jason. I'm gonna beat this motherfucker. Watch me!!!!!

Is it worth getting therapy on here ?

RUMINATING!!!!!!! Over the same goddamn subject over and over. Mind tries a way to convince you and if you try to disprove/debunk it, it will twist any logic you try to hit it with, it will pull back just enough to give you hope. I will make it seem very fucking real. More real than what is really real. At this rate it feels like I'll never heal.

And I did the fucking thing where I followed a hot chick from Instagram to net porn. But then, there is a scene with a penis and I avoided looking. The moment I did ANXIETY AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS! Next I decided, I wont avoid. I will just relax and not avoid looking. The moment I did ANXIETY AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS!!!! I'm screwed.

Cant even enjoy watching chicks because of the intrusive thoughts. Im fucked bro. Its over.

No mate i did the the same thing the other day a girl i used to watch on a porn site i actually thought of her hollie hendrix but of course there was penis everywhere 😞

And thinking on older chicks on the types of chicks that are already not my type, I feel like a fag!!! Fuck everything and everyone!!!!! (not you, you get it).

Even when i got hit with this when i was 22 i knew i had this going but i was still girl crazy right up to about 7 months ago but sometimes i felt like i wasnt finding them attractive as usual and it gradually got worse 😞