Someone help ? Please ?

The sly and sneaky things in your head. I know it all too well. It's like your mind will comment on anything in you head even though you don't want to or wouldn't say that. Like if there's a penis, if a dude is fit or if he's good looking, your mind does whatever it wants and that's fucked up...

Yes. I just feel that I'm not.

I guess that's a common theme to feel like your using it as an excuse. I'm an idiot. I kept going on the porn site to see chicks but I keep getting intrusive thoughts. My life is nothing...

I could even watch porn without the thoughts completely destroying me. I'm on the verge of crying but dude, I know it's all bullshit. My mind likes to switch it up and say "bi" which is just as fucked up. Now my anxiety is through the roof. I say why me all the time. I'm on edge.

I thought about watching porn later but my mind threw up a dude's junk. Then I clicked on a link that someone sent me about ruminating and something about hocd in the other titles triggered the fuck outta me. I'm worried bro.

And now I feel like if I watch porn I will feel worse because I be using it to forget about this.

Thoughts are getting to be too much bro. Dont know how to beat it.

Dude, the moment I woke up, i was in a panic and it felt like it was all true. Got the penis thing again in my head, my mind along with the anxiety made that shit feel real. Shit makes me regret ever watching porn in my life.

That's happened to me. You know what sucks, my attraction came back and females been looking so good lately but at the same time I've been obsessing more, more ruminating, the thoughts feeling even more real, it throws up denial, it throws up being bi. Oh god bro. Now I would love to fantasize and want but I dont want other shit in my head...

@Jbm421 I know its tough mate .... soon as i think of a guy it goes straight to his penis like what it would look like.. ive always been obsessed about the size of my penis i dont know whether that was a factor in this ?

@Ihateocd83 I've wonder that too. Ive always obsessed about that. Every other thought I get, my anxiety shoots up and it feels like my life is over. I'm trying not to check. Then I'm in bed but if start to doze off, my mind brings up anything to make me ruminate more. I need more help bro. It feels like between sessions I get worse.

This shit makes it feel like denial

@Ihateocd83 Yup. I'm done bro. It's over. It's over. I just had to watch porn and I cant get excited. But I can be paranoid about penis, oh yeah. And that fat dude completely ruined thick chicks for me. So now, I really feel like a fucking fag. I'm done bro. over....

It's not just checking, I wanna see some bitches but between the dude and penis being stuck in my head, it has me fearing the worst. I cant relax.

Two things: first, I get that exact same shit when half asleep. That shit is a nightmare. Two, feeling like you want the thoughts is part of it. This shit gives me a headache.

I call that a canceled reassurance. Here's how it works. You can take any logical fact and say it in your head or to yourself (never crushed, never fantasized, etc) which is reassurance but your mind cancels it out by making shit up. But because of your anxiety and habits of thinking it almost convinces that what you mind said is true.

You dont have to be and you wont.

I dont want to reassure you but like you want the thoughts is part of it. You're good bro. I've notice my thoughts are jumping all over the place. Like OCD doesnt know which thought to hit me with because not every thought is sticking.

@Jbm421 These feelings feel real mate honestly like feelings in my stomach 😞

@Ihateocd83 Yeah. That's what anxiety will do. You wanna know how many times in the past like 5 days I've had that exact same feeling?

@Jbm421 Its seems constant... 😞 is that feeling in my stomach fear ?. I had i thought about going cinema with my boy and then i pictured a man being there with us like some good looking guy ive made up in my head.

@Ihateocd83 It will throw up some guy you made up. It always does.

@Ihateocd83 It could be worse, you could be like me laying in bed reminiscing about your ex's but then the pernis thing comes in and think about all the chicks you passed up or it didnt work out with during this shit and for a split second compare them to the dudes who trigger you. I hate my mind. Fuck my mind and fuck HOCD!!!!!

Ah man thats rough ..... i heard they diagnose on the first session ?

@Ihateocd83 I'm doubting again.

Dude, I did my 3rd exposure and my therapist said just sit with it and let the intrusive thoughts go. But during the exposure I got anxiety especially looking at the dude's shoulders but then my mind said "if that guy had those shoulders here, you would like that shit." It triggered the fuck outta me and I felt it was over. I got angry after awhile and I went back to the thumbnail of the video and go really pissed because I've looked at shit worse than this for exposure in the past months. Why is this triggering me so bad? Fml... My point is, those thoughts come on auto pilot but they "feel" like they come from you.

@Jbm421 I really do feel like im hideing something its horrible... mate tell me the thing i said this morning are they normal for hocd ?

@Ihateocd83 I dont want to reassure you but I been saying shit in my head that paranoid about just like you.

Yeah my own penis , brother, my boys , i watched lesbian porn and my mind is like eww its horribe and it feels like im forceing it... it used to be so natural. I hope we get our lives back i feel like im living on the edge 24/ 7

@Ihateocd83 Amen to that. I feel like the same. Its exhausting.

Dude, I got a ton of pics on me that would trigger me. Not gonna look at those...

I've had that. I'm just getting paranoid I cant heal. It's like it's all so simple but it's not simple at all. Now I feel like a fag.

Seriously bro. In the past week alone, things went from bad to worse. And gay dude just got in the elevator with me. Fml

Nothing. I just went to the supermarket. Cute chicks in there. But my confidence in beating this fucking shit has taken a big hit. Trying not to ruminate about it but it's hard.

Read what I just wrote.

Right after that another dude same thing comes in the train. Same reaction, with a little intrusive thoughts. But then my mind trips me up. Then it throws up a shirtless muscle dude that it made up. My mind really trying to get me to like that shit. Now on top of this, I gotta worry about my mom. She sick and I may need to take he to the hospital.

Dude, for a split second it felt all real or as if its inevitable. 😢 Like im a little calm right now but I'm on edge and stuck in a loop. She ok for now. Hopefully she wont have to go to the hospital.

I've had it since 28. I can tell you this shit (even with the doubt fucking with me), never had crushes on dudes, never fantasized about that shit and I never will. This is bullshit bro. We both need to remember who we are. I would like to work harder on ERP but my confidence in doing it is shot.

@Jbm421 I just try to not avoid anything

@Ihateocd83 I avoid too much.

Fantasies are 100% pleasurable...

Here's what's funny. I can see, from the thought processes of you and everyone I see on here that you are OCD and the fear of the future and the thoughts you may have keep it going. But I see my thoughts or my thinking as different even though they sound the same.

Dude, I spent the last with my head shaking back n forth just ruminating. Like I'm trying to find a way out of this. It's my only defense against this. I'm so done it's not even funny. Now it feels like denial. I feel like a gay dude. I'm done bro.

@Jbm421 Come man you cant give up ... things are going to get better

That's not very nice. She should be sensitive about what you going through. Dude be strong. The night is darkest just before the dawn. My mind had thrown up some of the worst shit I ever though in the past two hours alone. I'm gonna try to get things done today, with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart, I'm gonna try. I just hope it's not too late for me. But it not too late for you bro.

@Jbm421 Its not we both got this mate

No that intrusive thoughts. Fantasizing is imagining a fun a pleasurable experience not being so in your head that you imagine the worst in the moment...

I feel like that most of the time too and yeah I don't have to be triggered for me to start having the thoughts. But as bad as it has been, I'm dusting myself off and walking right back into hell.

On my way right now. I'm a little afraid given how much the gym triggered me yesterday but I'm still going.

@Jbm421 Yeah dont avoid it mate

I just saw a video about feeling disconnected.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ2U_AiZiCo

Absolutely. I'm in the gym and my mind is a bit more calm today. Couple of cute chicks here (one is kinda skinny but still kinda cute) but I'm not trying to push too hard.

Stop. Take a deep breath. You are emotionally reacting to the connections your mind is making. I found out that OCD follows you into your dreams to get you into a reaction. You cannot control your dreams. Give yourself a break. Try to watch or do something that you know wont trigger you and accept whatever thoughts come into your head as being there while trying to focus on other things. You're ok mate. Just try to relax.

Dude, you could also have dreams about killing people. Does that make you a murderer? Also, you enjoy the girl dreams right? Hell it could be worse, you could be like me getting triggered over video game muscle heads. That's how stupid this disorder is.

Not being good a DIY means nothing. Lol. HOCD followed me into my dreams too. See what I mean. I'm feeling a little like shit because I just woke up. But I'm gonna try to have a good day.

It something that is stuck in your head and you're worried about it. Now we gotta get it unstuck.

Hold on. It's all we can do. I'm gonna keep doing my exposures. If I could just focus on anything else for a small amount of time, I'll be good.

Try not to think like that. Do this exercise with me. Time yourself for an hour. During that hour, if thoughts come up say "cool. Nice one. " or "yes, great", breathe through anxiety and try to distract so u dont ruminate. Just for 1 hour. Try it.

Did you try doing what I said??? One hour?

I'm just stressed because my attraction/libido are pretty much gone. They no longer exist...

@Jbm421 I know i was kissing my gf and i hardly felt a thing and then a little voice went wish this was a man 😞

@Ihateocd83 Damn bro. That's what OCD does. It kills emotions. I got an aunt who's close to death and I want to feel sadder than i am but I'm stuck in my head. Shit is terrible.

Hang in there bro. I know how hopeless that feeling is. Just try occupy ur mind for a little while with happy shit and let it pass.

@Jbm421 Now back to penis ?... i cant understand why im going through this ? So you just start likeing penis at the age of 37 ? 😞

@Ihateocd83 No, it's whatever is bothering you at the moment. For instance the muscle shit will bother me for days but then that goes away then the penis shit comes (and its hell), then something else comes in its place...

@Jbm421 Its the thoughts that come with it im so dissapointed with myself 😞

@Ihateocd83 You just gotta allow the thoughts. Just now I had one that I dont like but I'm gonna let it go.

@Jbm421 I dont want fucking men in my head 😡

@Ihateocd83 Let me tell you how bad it was for me. From Tuesday until about Friday morning, that's all my mind could bring up. But I started doing ERP, kept going to the gym, kept occupied to keep from ruminating. My anxiety started to fade but more importantly, my thoughts became more clear. It's not perfect by any means (I'm making some of the same mistakes with loss of attraction) but I'm getting there slightly. You need to find a way, any way, to get out of your head.

@Jbm421 I sit there and stare into space and think how the hell did i get here ... its not gay to find guys attractive right ?

@Ihateocd83 Dude, you're looking for reassurance. You already know that answer (and even if I were to answer it, you'd doubt it anyways). Staring into space will cause you to ruminate (it's the same as laying in bed trying to sleep with all this fucked shit in your head). Try anything to get outta your head bro.

@Jbm421 Im going to try mate

@Ihateocd83 Try to look at any time that you get peace or relief from this (whether its 10 minutes, half an hour, an hour, a day) as a victory. It can help pull you out of it.

@Jbm421 Thanks brother. Glad your doing better 👍

Sometimes it's best to try to just leave it alone. For instance, I'm about to go to bed but I just got slightly triggered by some NBA basketball clips. Intrusive thoughts and all, I'm choosing to say "whatever, it doesnt matter". Because it doesnt. My mind wants me to be more defensive to my thoughts but but I say "fuck it, it doesn't matter". My point is tell your thoughts "fuck it" and do it over n over (I say over n over because it's not gonna work if you do it once or twice or 5 times, you gotta do it over n over until your brain gets the message which will take time). Hang in there brother! You will beat this...

@Jbm421 Why is it i cant feel a thing when looking at pictures of hot women ... but i know if i was to see them in the flesh it would be different 🤷‍♂️😞

The answer to both of those questions is because its OCD. OCD doesn't make sense. It doesnt play fair. It's not logical and it take anything and twist its meaning...

I'm at work and I got triggered because of some gay dudes. I knew they were coming to the job and my anxiety was up before they even got here. And they're just some regular dudes but my mind works on that bad. Smfh...

Shit. And then you face it and it's not that big of a deal but your mind makes it that because you got triggered that makes it a big deal. It's so illogical. Nonsensical. But then it makes you worry.

Shows you how this works. All the other stuff that was worrying me is out the window but this gets me. 🤣

I'm getting kind of numb to the exposures but then my mind throws up some other shit or loss of attraction or the old woman shit. Now I feel like a gay...

Dude, it's like I know I can beat this but my mind wont let me. Literally loss of attraction is the only thing holding me back. You're gonna beat this bro. If you were able to do ERP with the pics like I do, you could see that you could get past it. But with me, the overthinking over all these years with chicks has completely fucked me up. Even when I'm doing well, I'm not doing well...

My mind does that too. And if it doesn't do that with a dude, it takes any female that I didnt pursue and uses that against me.

@Jbm421 Feels like i dont like pussy anymore and then im haveing these thoughts i must be gay fml. I want to get better but ... sometimes i think is there anything to get better from 😕

I'm in the same boat bro. Missing my nieces and nephew grow and I can barely hold chicks in my head. 😢

Dude I doubt it all the time. I just did an ERP that my therapist told me to do while on my bike. It was a looping message saying girls dont do it for me anymore. I was supposed to sit with the anxiety. Funny enough, chicks were looking good regardless but the doubt and intrusive thoughts were still there. Then a dude was making small talk while was buying something and it felt gay. Now I'm triggered. Idk, maybe I'm pushing too hard with the females...

OCD can come without anxiety.