Why won't the thoughts and the anxiety ever fucking stop?! It seems to be worse when I'm tired. It's just NON-STOP with, "I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay" even when I'm trying to keep myself busy. It never. Fucking. Stops. I feel like I'm gonna break down and have a panic attack at some point. What exacerbates it even more is this dread feeling I get about sex now. Whenever I look at women I'm reminded of it, or when I try to talk to women. Because my libido is basically zero right now, it's feeding the OCD even more. And the worst thing is that I can't tell if it's just a low libido, or if I actually don't find women arousing anymore. I really can't fucking tell sometimes. I WANT to be able to have fun with women again but my brain is fucking it all up.

I'm really trying but it doesn't matter what I do, it's almost inescapable. At times it seems like I'M the one saying and thinking this shit to myself. But why I do that if I'm not enjoying it? I call them intrusive thoughts, but are they really? Or am I just suppressing something I don't want to be?

I've already done 3 years, so I wouldn't count on it not lasting 7.

Also, I label them constantly but that doesn't stop them from coming in. In fact, the more I label or respond to them, the worse it becomes. It's like there's someone literally sitting inside my head yelling this shit at me, to the point that I can't ignore it. Another example would be like someone standing inches from your face just repeating this crap to you over and over, and no matter which way you try to move, that person is in your face. You can't get away from them.

@AshHudson32 Huh. I recommend going on medication if its that bad and getting therapy.

Would you mind if I reach out to you to chat? I’ve been struggling badly these past few days with this ocd

@ealvs11 Ofc

@Anonymous help It’s saying I also need your username as well to add you

@AshHudson32 I'm in the exact same boat as you bro. I've been at this for years. Getting help is probably best. ERP kinda spiked me bad to the point that I really on edge. Try to occupy yourself bro. Hope you feel better. I'm here if you need to vent.

@ealvs11 How you been bro???

@Jbm421 ERP made your ocd worse ?

@R1b1 I didnt handle being triggered in the correct manner. I freaked out. It's my fault.

@Jbm421 Doing better today but still constantly questioning myself and ruminating so definitely could be better lol

@ealvs11 Same. 😢 I'm not as sad as yesterday but my confidence in beating this shit is gone. I was confident I could finally conquer this just a few months ago but that's all gone.

@Jbm421 Just know that you still can do beat it. It’s just a setback you can still get back to doing as well as you were doing before

@ealvs11 😢 It feels insurmountable.

@Jbm421 I understand how you feel, I’ve been there before as well. If you ever need to talk outside of this app I got discord, Instagram whatever is easiest if you ever just want to talk about stuff

@ealvs11 I dont have a discord but I got Instagram. Of course I will feel worse talking on there as my Instagram is like 85% gram-girls yet I'm talking about HOCD. Smfh...