I just want live normal life as other teens. I am really so exhausted. Sorry for this, but i dunno what to do at this point anymore. I dont know how to bare

sorry for you.. at this point i domt even want a life

@agriculturalindustries I’m sorry to hear this.. on the contrary i love life but i feel like i ruined mine ..

@Anon123 why you feel in that way? btw, i ruin mine too but willingly because i feel thats what i deserve

@agriculturalindustries I made a mistake in the past that i find horrible and unacceptable. While eveyone around me say it’s really no big deal and that i really should move on, i feel on the contrary that i deserve the worse or even jail. I also self punish , like refusing good things in my life, since i got no consequences from that past mistake in order to feel better

@Anon123 Oh, I see. Mine is also kinda similar. But I have no particular mistake. I just hate myself. I do everything I can but dont feel good. I broke up with my girlfriend to punish myself, i literally stopped talking every single of my friends. But i dont still good, i feel as that wicked person. that chaotic feeling just doesn't go away.

@agriculturalindustries Why do you feel this way? You shouldn’t hate yourself! Try to not self punish yourself but rather do self care even if it feels weird at first! You deserve good things, don’t listen to those mean thoughts!

@Anon123 I have constant feeling that i am not a good person, i have done something wrong. now i cant get rid of this feeling. It is anxiety/guilt/sadness and so on. I dont know how to explain it. I try every kind of punishment but it doesnt work. I left my girlfriend, friends which i loved so much. But still i feel that guilt. Now i am thinking about leaving the college. I do love my college and tried so hard. It is the most precious thing in my life right now. I feel like i will be free of that guilt/thoughts if i leave the college.

@agriculturalindustries btw, i dont know if i have done sometjing wromg or not. I gwt memories, but i dont know if its real or not

@agriculturalindustries Please don’t leave college if it is precious to you. You are making ocd win by doing all those ! It is proven that self punishment DOESN’T work but rather that self care does with time ! OCD also cause false memories and you’re letting those win but even if you did do something wrong, most people on earth do mistakes at some point or another so i think you should try forgiving yourself and doing selfcare!

@Anon123 thanks for support. I really appreciate it. But I don't know what to do now. Like idea of ocd winning feels right, cause in that way I would be punished enough. Maybe that's what I need, I feel like I am living a life I don't deserve. Especially about the college. Yeah, I worked so hard but still I feel like I don't deserve to achieve my dreams, ones I had before the ocd.

@agriculturalindustries It’s the opposite of what you need and i’m sure that’s the opposite of what you want. If you love college, stay in college. You deserve it. Don’t ruin your life for ocd

i just want to be a person who doesnt deal with ocd. i would prefer cancer