I finally had sex with my partner. It was amazing but now I am having a panic attack! Maybe I really do wanna break up! Why would I cry about not wanting to break up with him.... I don’t wanna end my relationship! 😢 I wanna love him. There’s nothing wrong with my relationship why is this happening to me!! My ROCD calmed down and I still feel this way... 😞 is my 10 1/2 year relationship gonna end... 😢 I cried in the shower thinking I don’t want him to love someone else but then it feels like I don’t care... 😢 please... did someone go through this and still saved their relationship!!? Please I am so desperate...

.....I don’t want my love to change... this isn’t fair! I hear my roommate and her husband laugh all the time. I hate it! I wanna be happy with my partner again. But it feels like my ROCD is gone! How can I know for sure if this is ROCD!? How can I know if I truly wanna be with him... this hurts so much bc I know I love him. I am crying right now. I don’t wanna leave him. I don’t wanna find someone new to replace him... we are moving this year.. how am I suppose to move out with him feeling this way.... I keep asking myself am I happy with him over and over again. The sex is always amazing but before we had sex I had so much anxiety.... 😞 I am scared once I do erp and am better I will find out it truly is me... that means I would have to break up when I don’t wanna!! 😭😭

I am trying not to be difficult but I am so scared.... 😢

@Mandy7710 1. I don't want my love to change Love changes, but it doesn't mean it's gone forever. 2. I hear my roommate and my husband.. Your story is unique. And when you didn't feel anxiety, you could do and feel all of this. Anxiety cuts it all down. You aren't supposed to be like them to be happy. 3. How do I know this is ROCD You feel immense anxiety. Whether you are afraid of the though or of your reaction to it. Still afraid and debilitated. 4. I keep asking if I'm happy You aren't laughing when you try and tickle yourself. Bc you know it's coming. Same story with feelings. Even if you feel happy, this guestions makes this true feeling go away. When you hear a joke, what would happen if you thought 'Is this really funny to me?' while beginning to want to laugh? You won't laugh. Seems like joke isn't really funny anymore? No, it is. You just cannot force the feeling. It will come when you let go if it. Just let yourself life through disconnection and numbness and everything that bothers you. Then you will feel good emotions also. 5. Afraid of ERP Our minds always make us think the way you do. But it doesn't work that way. If you want to break up - you want to break up. There's no way to trick yourself into thinking otherwise and then suddenly ERP makes you realize that you wanted it all along. Noo girl.

@Daria Alexandrovna I kept testing myself by saying I want to break up to see my reaction.... oh god... 😖 do I really wanna break up!? I only did that to test myself. Why would I cry... I get worried bc before it got this bad I compared and everything...

@Daria Alexandrovna I am just worried bc it doesn’t feel like ROCD anymore... I don’t get that many thoughts... I get thoughts saying you don’t love him anymore. I cried when he cuddled with me one day... 😞

@Daria Alexandrovna I haven’t had clarity in months..... 😞 my partner has been trying so hard to make me happy... it’s hard on him... the one time he wanted to make love. I miss feeling content and happy with my partner... 😞😞

@Mandy7710 It looks like you aren't listening to advices people give you, so maybe you feel comfortable with your thoughts and the presence of anxiety (in a way) bc if you feel it then it means it's rocd and it's all good. I'm not judging you for feeling. bad, but I gave you a whole list and you don't care. all you can do in response it say that you are afraid and cry. baby world isn't ending. there's no lion chasing you. it's alright and you can deal with it step by step.

@Mandy7710 don't put it all on him. it's a hard truth but they do get tired from it. it's very great that he's so supportive. But you need help. And he cannot save you.

@Daria Alexandrovna I know... I am so sorry... 😞

@Daria Alexandrovna I am talking to a specialist tomorrow at 10am

@Mandy7710 that's very good! good luck!