Reading post on here about POCD and I just keep feeling like crying. I want to cry because it’s better than believing this is real I broke down typing this before I could this I real

Your not alone. I’ve been suffering from this awful theme for nearly a year now. Ik it can feel really isolating and terrifying ❤️

I believe that we have ocd because we care more than most do. We’re hypersensitive to the feelings of everyone around us. People without morals don’t obsess over their fears.

Hi I am suffering so much from this right now. I engaged in childhood sexual play when I was little and there was a big age gap now my ocd is convincing me I’m a molestor even though all the doctors say I’m not. Are you okay with sharing your story with me??

I too engaged in sexual play. It has definitely been something that has been brought up by me in my adult hood because it has bothered me. I was struggling in the beginning at the age of 17 I believe and it started with my brother popping in my head while I would play with myself sorry if that’s too much info. And then it bothered me that my other little brothers room was right across from mine so then ocd kicked in and I started over cleaning things and had this thought “well if/because he touched this item and I touched myself now that means I’m playing with myself because I’m attracted to him... so then I would force myself to think about a real scenario of when I did engage sexually with someone that I was not related to that I went to school with that I did enjoy... and this would go on at night when I’m laying in bed I would go through this process of forcing the thoughts away like three times because when I would play with myself it would make me tired so then I would pretty much pass out almost instantly.

Then my brother accused my dad of raping him and once I found that out I left the room I went back to washing the dishes and my mom came in talking to me and I couldn’t look at her and I just cried and then I left and went to a friends house and started opening up about what was going on with me. And I told her if I was to do something wrong why would people trust me with their kids? And I use to love the idea of having children. And as time went on eventually this problem got worse it felt more real, I started getting to a point where I felt like I didn’t love anyone anymore and I felt like I was gonna become a murderer or a pedophile and eventually I got groinal responses and now I pretty much deal with the thoughts and groinal responses everyday but I think I get through them pretty well.

Honestly I could go on hun about my experiences and things that has happened around me. But this is the sum of of it. I’ve dealt with many themes incest, pedophillia, harm, religious.

It got to a point that I even started questioning why this stuff people do is wrong

I couldn’t understand why god would create and allow something like that to exist

It bothers me cause I can’t remember how old I was or my little brother I think I was 11-13 and my little brother was 1-3 and I rolled around with him on my parents bed fully clothed and put his hands on my chest and pretended that’s what sex was and that I had a boyfriend. I don’t remember if his hand went into my shirt or if I encouraged anything. This has never bothered me until adulthood. I tried to take my life over it as my ocd tells me I’m a molestor who deserves to die. Please help and share your stories