Is this normal? I deal with violent intrusive thoughts and lately I’ve been trying to sit with uncertainty. But uncertainty came with a feeling of not knowing what kind of person I was, and it was desperate. I was afraid to be a bad person and a psycho, but I fear there is no way back to my normal self and I already turned into a bad person. How do I make sure I’m not a monster, I’m not a psycho? I hate not to be sure with myself, it’s distressing.

Yeah that’s true, thank you. Every moment I sit with uncertainty, my doubts about my identity grow bigger. I feel like I can’t connect with my normal self, I feel like a psycho and a monster!Shouldn’t I know for sure that I don’t wanna hurt others? Why am I doubting? It’s horrible, bc i fear I already changed and won’t be able to go back to the normal me

@josefa Isn’t you being here you knowing for sure that you don’t want to hurt others? If you did you probably wouldn’t be worrying about it here looking for help. It wouldn’t bother you at all. You’re not doubting anything. Your OCD is. Your ocd can’t live with uncertainty, and there’s no way to know 100% what sets us apart from someone who is bad, or that we won’t be bad people. Your fears of identity are very common in people with OCD. Consider this example for someone who fears they might be a pedophile. They very often worry about the same things. That they don’t want to be one but they worry constantly that that is their “identity” and they can’t do anything about it because of their thoughts. OCD doesn’t give a shit about the theme of the obsessions (pedophile, serial killer, sinner, monster, psycho) it will do whatever it can to convince you and make you doubt who you are, what you want, how you feel

@Anonymous You’re so very right, it’s my OCD speaking, it’s my OCD that makes me doubt everything. It feels like hell honestly, but your words made me feel better, thank you :)

@josefa Just keep in mind seeking reassurance is a compulsion, and it’ll only help you feel better short term. While you might feel comfortable now, in an hour, a day the feelings will come back and it’ll feel awful again and you’ll want to come back to this post and reread it to feel better again. Try not to do this and it’s only reassuring your brain that you have something to be scared of in the first place. And you don’t. It’s your OCD and the next time you have a bad thought or feeling or urge you tell yourself “I accept that these thoughts are here but they don’t mean anything.”

@Anonymous Omg you’re so very right. I was planning on coming back here to this post to make myself feel better, and honestly that’s what I always do; I go online and search anything related to OCD to make sure I fit in. And I just noticed is a compulsion. So thank you so much, I will try to stop it, sit with uncertainty and realize there’s nothing to be scared of. For real thank you so much!

Thank you for your words, I’m glad that someone relates to what I am going through. Yeah I feel you, it’s horrible because it’s fear of not knowing what have you become into. And not knowing if you’re capable of such things. But you’re right, OCD makes you question multiple things. So thank you, I try to stay as strong as I can!