I'm freaking out rn. When I was able to accept uncertainty, I was able to see my thoughts without bias. Gradually, my anxiety subsided to the thoughts. But when my anxiety subsided, my brain gave me a bunch of proofs from my childhood that I was bisexual/lesbian all along (to be honest a lot of them are BS proofs, but maybe they might mean something ??? ). There some small proofs that make me really anxious and I really wanna go to Google because I feel like it's real. Idk what to doo. I don't feel much anxiety and I wanna give in and search because not having anxiety makes the thoughts seem real. But like if I search and i see relief that's its ocd then i will be trapped again. But also if I found out that Im not really straight then i might freaking spiral again. But it is also difficult not to give in and find an answer because i don't have anxiety to the thoughts, then maybe it's real??? It's like I've accepted myself that I'm changing... What do I do? Is it ocd trying to pull me in? Or is this real? I can't distinguish, but sometimes it feel like the latter. Sometimes there is also some clarity that it's just a bunch of random thoughts stored in my brain to give me anxiety. Is this even ocd, or is this an identity crisis?? I'm not asking for reassurance, please give me an advice.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Date posted: 4y

To be honest I was curious before (around 12 yrs old), but it was never because I felt that I wasn't straight. It was because I had some friends that were bi-curious around that time and I wanted to fit in so I did have 1 or 2 girl crushes. But the 2nd girl was not really a crush crush more like "wow she a cool dancer" girl crush and it kinda only lasted for a day 😂. The 1st gurl was actually closer to an actual crush, but it wasn't really a romantic crush. I just admired her because she had everything that I wanted. She was pretty, an artist, singer, a beauty queen, an academic achiever and had a stable relationship with her boyfriend. They were like the "it" couple, and the boy was really cute too haha. This phase didn't stay long because it felt like it was truly forced. Like I just did that to fit in with my friends. So I left that group of friend, and I finally got a new group of friend which im friends with until this day ♡. But because I had a girl crush on someone before, my SO-OCD tells me that I'm just lying to myself. Idk what to do.

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Date posted: 4y

@Ope It has gotten to the point where i questioned myself because i freaking liked dora in the past 😂 Like did i just look up to jer because she's a girl, or am a lesbian all along. It's bullsh*t but it keeps me ruminating..

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Date posted: 4y

@Ope I really hope we all move on from this exhausting disorder. Sending virtual hugs 💓

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Date posted: 4y

@Ope You can do this !!

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Date posted: 4y

@Ope I know it's very hard dealing with this because someone you love is involved but still, you should continue to not lose hope. Take your relationship as an inspiration to do therapy, you can do this. There are a lot of people who have gone through SO-OCD and recovered 💓

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