Having HOCD and being a parent hurts. It’s like I can no longer watch my own child.

Remember this means you’re a loving parent.

@artsygirl I love my kids with every ounce of life I have. OCD is cruel

I have been there. You got this. Just don’t avoid.

@artsygirl Don’t avoid watching my kid alone? I mean it’s the scariest thing because my thoughts feel like urges.

@Devem Maybe you can start slow where your wife goes and works outside while you’re inside and you’re watching the kids. Or you could watch the kids alone while she’s in another part of the house. Baby steps.

@artsygirl I was doing good for two days. I went from 30 minutes alone to an hour. Then I failed. I guess I can try again

@Devem Okay self compassion is needed. You didn’t fail! You had a set back. Start with 15 minute increments and slower build longer and longer. Are you seeing a therapist ?

@Devem I wanted to tell you I started reading Overcoming Harm OCD and I think it would be the perfect book for you ! He specifically addressses situations like the one you are speaking of. It’s been really helpful for me.

@artsygirl I see my regular provider but she believes this will go away on its own. I start NOCD this week. So hopefully they can work together to help me.

@artsygirl I’m getting this book today because I need something to cheer me up. I’m just feeling so down.

@Devem ... ocd doesn’t go away on its own. It takes a lot of effort but I’ve heard it can get down to a whisper. I’ve been feeling pretty depressed like this will never get better. We’ve recently put kids on hold because of my OCD and knowing I needed treatment. Sometimes I worry that maybe I’m too much a mess to be a parent or too screwed up and that I’ll never be a mom. I’m trying to also work on self compassion but it’s hard when mental health wasn’t really acceptable in my family.

@Devem I keep telling myself that doing treatment before getting pregnant will help but sometimes I have a hard time with feeling like too much of a burden to my husband if that makes sense...

@artsygirl I have three kids, two from a previous marriage. But my youngest is the only one in my presence everyday. Having these thoughts hurt because I don’t trust myself to watch him alone anymore. My wife doesn’t want to leave me (I told her take our son and leave me. I don’t feel competent enough to be a father anymore.) but she is staying, we are sending my son overseas to stay with his grandmother for a few months.

@Devem You may want to talk this through before making this decision because it sounds like avoidance. I do understand sometimes you need to just get help though. You can do this. Let’s not push away the people who love us. I keep telling myself that I am worthy of love too. We will get through this. I’m so proud of you for getting help and hope to hear that you will enjoy time with your little one soon.

@artsygirl I’m honestly scared of having harmful thoughts. Like they make me second guess everything from am I a sociopath or psychotic.

@artsygirl Also I do avoidance with him here now. He goes to my mothers house during the day. I’m never alone with him anymore.

@Devem I understand... as you know from reading though, sociopaths or psychotics probably wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts.

@Devem Again, I’d encourage you maybe to watch him in the living room while your wife does dishes or works in a different room for small increments and increase slowly. You may have set backs and this is normal. I believe in you !!!

@artsygirl I tried watching him a few times and it was great. Then I started having more thoughts and overwhelming fear. But I’ll try again with this new attitude I’ve been having. I literally don’t do anything when I have a thought. It’s tough but it seems to be working.

@artsygirl Thank you for believing in me! I’m glad I get to meet cool people with great attitudes like you

@Devem So as someone trying to get this advice- how do you do nothing and still stop the ruminating or obsessing ?

@artsygirl I don’t really avoid any of it. I just don’t give it anymore energy. I focus on my day and let the thoughts play out and keep it moving. That book is so helpful

@Devem Yes, I find the book helpful too but implementing the strategies is still a big work in process for me...

@artsygirl I managed yesterday, today I’m still trying. I’ve been playing with my son all morning. I want to lower the intrusive thoughts but it’s not working

@Devem Listen to what you just said “ive been playing with my son all morning!” This is you standing up to OCD. It’s not a sprint. Sometimes I find I need to remember it’s a marathon and I don’t want to go so fast that I retraumatizing . This is progress !!!

@artsygirl I haven’t had thoughts toward him but I have had this anxious feeling all morning. So I’m doing ok but I feel like something has changed. When I hear him cry I run to him but when I get to him I just feel mornings are too sticky

@Devem Hoping your ocd journey is going ok?