SO-OCD TW really don’t know how to explain this but sometimes i feel envious of girls who are just really openly bi or gay. like i admire that confidence and ‘wish i was like that’. and i guess it’s more of a hypothetical. like if i really am bi or gay i wish i could just accept it and be like them. but i’m scared all this is just internalised homophobia and like i’m scared to express my true feelings or something. i don’t know anymore. saying i’m straight feels like a lie but i don’t think i’ve ever liked a girl. but then i envy overtly bi or gay girls? it just doesn’t make sense and idk what to think

One thing you can do to reassure yourself is to know that patience and restraint are signs of good character. Since sexuality is by its very nature a confusing topic (I currently identity as ace but even that isn’t certain) it might be best to learn more about gender and identity politics. Create a role for yourself as a scholar whose role is to remain objective and observant when you bring up questions on identity politics with people and people will admire your willingness to learn, listen and pay attention to them. Once you become more comfortable listening and learning you can become more confident in deciding, expressing and commitment to a particular sexual identity.

Yeah I’m having a pretty rough day today with that thought of maybe I have internalized homophobia. Right now a thought popped into my head “ I don’t wanna be lesbian because it’s weird” but I don’t think I meant that I least I hope I didn’t. I don’t want to be homophobic, it just feels like it would such a waste of energy if I am homophobic and I’d be more ashamed to be homophobic and have internalized homophobia than to actually be bi or lesbian. I really don’t care what other people do, love is blind. It makes me feel like maybe my secret fear is just being accepted by society but that doesn’t feel right to me either but ocd is telling me it is. I’m 17 and I’m not overly-sexual so all the crushes I’ve had with guys it was never alike “omg his abs are so hot” , but more about his overall looks and the way I felt when my crushes would interact with me. Now that I’m with my boyfriend of over a year I feel like I’m only attracted to him and I’m happy with that but now my brain is telling me I’m only like that because I love him and not because I actually want him in that sense and that just breaks my heart because he’s the only person I want to be that intimate with. I would love his body no matter what and ocd is trying to tell me it’s bad and I’m just using him as a cover up. I just feel like crying at the thought of having to be with a woman, I can acknowledge their beauty but having to be with one just makes my chest ache. Isn’t there supposed to be excitement? I don’t know, i just want to worry about my relationship but it’s hard with this. I could really use some frozen yogurt and just punch every female within a 50 mile radius haha 😂😂