Hi all... I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve honestly been doing really well lately. Just yesterday I was thinking about how well I was doing but it looks like I spoke too soon haha. In January, my business really picked up and most days, I am so busy that I truly don’t have time to obsess or ruminate or my relationship. It’s been SO nice. I have nearly 0 anxiety. I still get anxious when we’re together sometimes but overall am doing okay. Anyway, I’m struggling with something today because I got myself all worked up about it. I know it’s going to sound stupid for a 31 year old woman to care about this stuff but bear with me... So I guess I’ll just preface this by saying that we have a pretty “open” relationship now. We didn’t always and one of my biggest triggers is being betrayed or abandoned by him. Back to today...so this all started because I intrusively remembered a fight him and I had over a year ago because of Instagram. Long story short, we’ve been together 3.5 years and he’s never posted about me on social media. To be fair, he doesn’t post at all on there anymore and prior to that, would rarely upload. When he did, it was photos of his cars or landscapes. He uploaded MAYBE 2 or 3 photos of his son every year. Anyway, it used to really bother me especially when we first started dating. I thought all the worst things: he was hiding me; he didn’t think I was attractive enough; he wanted to appear single, etc. (Sidenote, I know he flirts with people in his Instagram DM’s. We both do it and it’s never really bothered either of us. We’re just flirty people and it’s never gone further than internet chatting for either of us) But yeah, anyway, we had a few conversations about it in the past, and he always said the same thing: it makes him uncomfortable to post about relationships on social media. And when he got divorced, deleting all of that made it that much harder. Eventually I just gave up and forgot about it. I know logically none of that stuff matters anyway and I just kind of accepted that we weren’t going to be one of those couples and that was okay. But today I got anxious about it again and made the mistake of googling. Of course, it’s all the worst stuff you read: he’s hiding you, he’s embarrassed by you, he’s not serious about you, etc etc. Now I’m in an absolute tornado of anxiety. I know he likes to be flirty and that didn’t really bother me until I start thinking that he’s actively HIDING me. I just feel so awful. Sorry I know most of this isn’t ROCD related- I’m just overwhelmed with anxiety over this and needed to write it out. I don’t want to be bothered by this stuff but everything on Google says I should be and it’s a “huge red flag”. I’m just a mess about it. I’ve met his whole family (except for his mom but they don’t speak), the few friends he has, I’m gym buddies with him ex-wife and I love his son more than anything. I don’t really care if his 400 Instagram followers know who I am as long as he’s not actively hiding me or ashamed of me. Ughhhhhhhh We’re supposed to see each other tomorrow and have a fun day and I can already see my anxiety about this ruining our day or leading to another conversation, even though we’ve already talked about it a few times in the past Okay, sorry that was long and thanks for listening and letting me ramble.