My BIGGEST insecurity with my hocd is the fact I’ve always been aroused by lesbians kissing and doing other sexual stuff (in porn, erotica, movies, and fantasy). Now hocd uses it as proof and truly makes me think I want to have sex with a woman and it feels so dang real. I have done erp with this, I wrote out a story about this happening. I got so aroused and just started to feel terrified and hated how it made me feel. Then I instantly feel sad like I will eventually come to terms and leave my boyfriend. Exposures are so hard, not doing the compulsions when it feels too real to be ocd is harder. One positive thing I did notice is that me saying “but I don’t want to be with woman or have sex with a girl” is a compulsion because I often say it to neutralize or reassure myself. So my next step is to stop that during thoughts like this and exposure. (Sorry for the long post)