My partner asked me today what do I want to do? He means do you think you can be in a relationship and get help? He told me if you’re not happy I don’t want you to force yourself to be with me. It broke my heart.... I just want my relationship back to normal... I told him I don’t wanna break up with him even now my head is screaming you’re a lier... 😞 it’s killing me badly... I know I can’t force love but I know I still love him a lot even though I can’t feel it right now.. but I know my love for him is in there. I felt it recently even if it was for a moment. I was happy and could say I know I love him. He is scared though... 😞 What if I am in this relationship for the wrong reasons... 😞 I am scared.... I’ve never felt like this before for my partner.... 😞 I don’t want my relationship to be a memory... 😢 this has to be ocd... just a few days ago I cried asking my friend if my partner is gonna break up with me... why would I care if I didn’t love him... 😞

I do love him a lot and I do wanna stay but everytime I say I wanna stay something makes me feel like I don’t. I focus too much on my partners flaws like him smoking or playing video games. Which I don’t have a problem with bc I sometimes smoke with him and I myself play video games. My partner is very good at saving money, helping me pay the bills making dinners and helping with our furr babies. He has social anxiety. So it’s hard for him to be around people but I realize he is slowly getting better with it. Me I am not good with money in fact I am a HUGE shopaholic. I buy things constantly. I was good with money last year but when I got deeply depressed I start spending like crazy. I know I have a lot of flaws... shopping is one, my nieces are afraid of me bc I am mean, (my partner pointed out I should be more friendly around them) I have a hard time interacting with children. I never relax I have a cleaning OCD. As I wrote that my brain screamed it’s all him!!! Not you!

I didn’t confess anything to him at all...

@Mandy7710 out of all things I said to chose to answer to this one? I'm sorry I was wrong about confessing, but still there are other advises/info I gave you.

I am worried my ROCD is fading and that I am using it as an excuse! I feel like I know I am not in love with him! All the testing I did and still try to do doesn’t work anymore..... if this is ROCD I’ve never felt it like this! Where I feel okay to move on or better without him when I know I still love him a lot!!

@Daria Alexandrovna I want my relationship back to normal again where I know I love him without all the doubts!! Has you’re ROCD ever faded to the point where you’re thoughts have almost completely stopped...?

@Mandy7710 Yes it happens with everyone I think the symptoms lessen and when they do we are afraid that we found our truth. You are saying to watched Awaken into Love. It's called the backdoor spike

@Mandy7710 Testing is really bad it's a compulsion and you would've known that too

@Daria Alexandrovna I do t get the what if this or should I that thoughts anymore..... I am trying so hard to fight bc I don’t want this to be me at all... I don’t wanna fall out of love with my partner...