I feel no love for my partner... no romantic feelings.... 😞 I know I am still in love with him. I am really depressed... my partner says I seem angry.., I am angry.... I am angry at myself for letting it get this bad... I love him I really do... he’s my gin gin (he’s a ginger) (nickname) I think about how I use to be and I want to feel that way for him again... 😢 why why can’t I love him..... I don’t like the idea of being with someone else... or him for that matter.. I can’t tell if I am just super numb and that I am reading too much into it... or I am just completely in denial.... I want my relationship back to normal again... I want to be in love with him bc it felt amazing when I was and I wasn’t scared like this bc I knew I loved him more than anything in the world... I want this to be ROCD. 😭 I miss making love to him... I miss being happy.... 😞 my ROCD was getting worse last year and then my partner had that talk that turned my life upside down.... 😞😞 Has anyone ever Doug so deep to the point they feel nothing at all!?

10 1/2 years... I know I love him but am scared not as strongly....😞

@Mandy7710 Oh wow that’s a long time , I was going to say that the Butterflies feelings go away after two years bc of a chemical in our brain. It’s actually commitment that keeps you together after that. But I know We still want those happy emotions, Like getting excited to hear from them etc. I’m not a therapist yet but two things I think could help is spending time apart to miss each other and after spend some time on bonding

@YourFriend That’s what my friend and everyone on here told me... 😞 I still take showers and touch him. Whenever I am out and about I still obsess... I know I am a pain. I wanna stay with him but right now I feel like I am not attracted to him... 😢

@YourFriend What if I am just using ROCD as an excuse!? 😖 what if I truly ain’t in love with him anymore!? I know it won’t be the end of the world if we break up but I would be even more depressed bc I will miss being with him. I know I still love him. But I am worried I am using ROCD as an excuse not to have sex anymore right now... 😭 I use to love making the to him...

@Mandy7710 That’s good you know you still love him. I think that’s the main thing keeping you there which is a good reason. What about him do u think ur no longer attracted to? Has anything changed?

@YourFriend You are trying to find logic in her words and complains, please don't do that, don't make her go that path. ROCD may not any logic whatsoever, and the more to are trying to answer some questions, the more messed up you get and don't believe that anything has been true at all

@YourFriend Also, with ROCD the feeling of love may often get lost, because a person may be triggered by everything she feels, so even saying this may feel like a lie. So it would have been fine both ways

@Daria Alexandrovna Thank you for making me aware. How did you start feeling better about your ROCD?

@YourFriend I was really really bad but then the guarantine ended, I started going to my uni and taking pills (not antidepressants though). Felt still pretty bad. Then I stated going to the theater (playing there), so there are some trainings that distract you and keep you outside of your head. I forced myself to talk to people and go out, even though I didn't really want to. Then, I stopped figuring it out, checking photos of my bf to see what I feel, stopped reading his texts all over again to find something out. Disregardedy thoughts and pushed myself to just live. Pills helped, reduced my anxiety a little bit, I have a lot less thoughts, though ROCD makes traps for me. Rn, I'm struggling with mental checking - what I feel now, and now, and what did I feel when we started dating, etc. Often feel like I am just a liar and I make myself love him. Very unpleasent but still I have a lot of improvement.

@YourFriend He’s still the same. A conversation we had 9 months ago changed everything... 😞

@Mandy7710 It just triggered your anxiety about the thing you value the most.

@Daria Alexandrovna Am I allowed to ask what the conversation was about?

@Daria Alexandrovna Or is this one of those times where you have to deal w the uncertainty and anxiety like an exposure ?

@YourFriend Yeah you can ask if Mandy is willing to tell you but gotta remember that ROCD can be triggered by literally the smallest thing, or the big thing, so I don't think the content of this conversation matters, after it's been such a long time already. Obviously, Mandy's thoughts and intrusive thoughts change over time, there are new more important thoughts and then they flow. So it's not about the initial trigger

@YourFriend I am willing to tell... my partner 9 months ago told me things that he has been worryied about for a long time. He was worried that I am in denial about loving him, if I was with him just bc I didn’t wanna be alone. He told me things just end between people and that eventually I will move on to being with someone else. He was worried I didn’t love him anymore so he said all of this out of worry and panic. For the past 8 years I’ve had anxiety about my relationship constantly worrying about everything. But that conversation I had a HUGE mental breakdown where I ran out of the house crying. The whole time I thought he was gonna break up with me. The first conversation was calm after awhile but the 2nd days after wasn’t the greatest. I couldn’t handle it I broke down at work crying needing to get things off my chest. When I went home I asked in an angry panic if he still loves me and he at first said he doesn’t know.... 😞 we started arguing. He was upset bc I never gave him space that I was too worried about him all the time. Which I still have a hard time doing.... after the argument We sat in the same room silent for 4 hours. After awhile I wanted to give him a hug but I stopped myself feeling like I didn’t have a right to touch him at all. After awhile things calmed down but it wasn’t the same for me afterwards. I started digging too into my thoughts. I went through so many stages with my anxiety. The first was feeling like I needed to confess everything to him. When I confessed about one thing my brain would be like oh but you didn’t tell him this. I had so much anxiety about it I had a hard time working... I couldn’t focus and had another mental breakdown... then we had sex for the first time after the 2nd conversation It started off great but then I started obsessing saying am I enjoying!? What if I am faking!? So many more thoughts and feelings came after that. The other ones were is he gonna cheat on me!? Does he really love me like he says he does!? Is he lying to me!?!? He has a friend who is a girl so me being on my guard I freaked out about it more since my anxiety spiked.... I peeked into his phone to see what they have been talking about. (She’s a lesbian) I felt so much guilt that I brokedown needing to leave work to run home and tell him what I’ve done. He knew I now had trust issues. My brain always attacked me saying he’s boring. Which I ignored. But then I started to doubt my love for him even more... crying every night.. I was very clingy at first trying to making sure I cuddled with him as much as possible. But it stopped after awhile... 😞 Now I am at that point I don’t wanna have sex with him and I constantly think about all the thoughts I had in the past... trying to think about why I am with him or why I find him attractive. It’s hard bc I can’t think of anything... 😞 it feels like my anxiety has gone away and that why I think it’s me..

@Mandy7710 Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry this has been so stressful for u. I had (have) the confessions as a compulsion too. Are u seeing an OCD therapist rn?

@YourFriend No I tried looking into one but the programs cost too much to get into...

@Mandy7710 You are doing wrong things and I just don't understand why, so many people told you already, don't you believe us?

@Mandy7710 https://ocdla.com/rocd-relationship-ocd-myth-of-the-one-3665

@Daria Alexandrovna My friend has a hard time with me too bc of how real this feels... that’s how convinced I am right now but yet I don’t wanna give up.

@Mandy7710 If you don't want to give up then go read articles and stop believing what OCD tells you, stop freaking figuring it out. If it worked you would have already made up your mind. But you haven't. because it doesn't work.

@Mandy7710 Thinking about you today! Hope you’re doing well! I think if you believe it’s ROCD, then trust the uncertainty. Don’t try to solve anything. And I would urge you to save even just for a couple sessions to see a therapist, they are very helpful. And reading books/articles can be very helpful ❤️ wishing you a good day!

@YourFriend I am waiting on my unemployment to start looking for therapy again.. I am starting to believe it’s not ROCD bc I really feel like I wanna break up with my partner😞 I know I need to stop doing this and I know people on here are probably upset at me. But feeling like this EVERYDAY sucks! 😖 it’s not fair. I have a healthy relationship with my partner...

@Mandy7710 We also feel like this everyday, surprise. Wanting to break up is called 'urges' and people get them too. Often bc they don't want to hurt people around them.

@Mandy7710 I’m so happy to hear that you’re preparing to invest in therapy soon. I think they will help you sort through your feelings in a productive and healthy way! I would say try to stay calm as possible and dont make any sudden decisions until you get to talk to a therapist. Wishing u all the luck and positivity!

I need to get out of it... I know I am still obsessing but at the same time I feel like I am truly in denial..... 😞

@Mandy7710 That's a common feeling for people with ROCD and not only. I also feel like a liar, like I don't love enough, like I should feel love every time I check myself for feeling it. Many conflicting feelings and thoughts. But I used to feel pure doubt 24/7 and now it's rarely there.