I was crying so bad, because I feel like I could actually act on my thoughts. I don’t want to, but I feel like a part of me is capable of doing it. When I’m around my family I get a feeling of disturb running through my body. This disturbing feeling, I feel it all the time. My head replays horrible scenarios that feel so damn real, they feel like if they were reality, and they feel like they are going to happen any second. I instantly think, do you want that to happen? Is that really what you want? And sometimes I just can’t prove that I don’t, and that is just too much for me to handle. I feel like a perverse monster takes over me. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m not what my thoughts say. I hate these horrible thoughts, they are so terrible and terrifying, but why do they feel like they have a big possibility of happening? Why can’t I be sure that I won’t act on my thoughts? I don’t want to act on my thoughts but why do i feel like a part of me does? I feel like they could really happen please help, the uncertainty is killing me...

Harm OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Hi, I have this too!! Especially when I’m in a loop with them and around my family. It’s soooo awful! And yet it is OCD 100 %. I am also an alcoholic and I go to AA and I say hi my name is Liz and I am alcoholic. My recent therapist suggested I say hi my name is Liz and I have these horrible OCD thoughts. If I can own this definition, take a breath when in my worst thoughts and say hey I know what I have, I have OCD and this is the exact definition. I need to accept what I have and work on it with techniques. I have to work really hard and I think we all do because we need to learn how to sit with the discomfort. I think a great thing to realize is it’s the reaction in our minds to these thoughts that is the worst. Clare weeks said something amazing about OCD she said ...‘don’t just do something! Sit there and let time pass.’ I repeat this now when crazy thoughts come up and it helps get me through. The more you can sit with the discomfort of your triggers the better you will even though it is so uncomfortable! I’m just trying to get used to that discomfort and it will pass. The key is also not to keep engaging and talking back to your mind since OCD isn’t a real thought or a realistic one especially when we hate it so much!! Hope this helps. You’re not alone 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much, glad I’m not the only one but I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD yet, but I feel like I have a lot of symptoms. I feel like a hypocrite for crying, I feel like it was all fake bc my intentions are to actually harm my family. But they’re not, even when it feels like the opposite. I’m still scared because I don’t know if it could happen or not...

Law24

Date posted: 4y

So glad I’m not alone in this. I feel this 100%

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

You are not alone!! Definitely OCD ...this is the exact definition and you’re in absolutely the right place!!🌷I also practice creating space between the thoughts and catching them then they first come up..,I find it really important not to make them important otherwise they drag me in and take me in stupid circles ....just keep doing what you were you were doing activity wise or conversation wise and let them float like clouds past your mind. It takes practice and awareness but you can do it. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

But the discomfort is so hard, when I’m in a bad moment that’s the hardest and the anxiety from it, but I am also practicing to allow the discomfort. It will pass and the more you recognize the patterns the easier it gets!! I’m just learning all this, like a new language, so crazy!

Mitu_001

Date posted: 24w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

laladracu

Date posted: 24w

a thought?

I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore

Harm OCD

bradyx20

Date posted: 23w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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