Confession Compulsion? Saw my boyfriend liked a skimpy bikini photo of an (assumed) ex-match on IG a few weeks ago and a lot of people have been telling me it's nothing and it's just a like and I actually believe that too. Aside from that, my boyfriend has been nothing but good to me and understanding. Has also helped me contain my confession compulsion in a way. But lately it's like this girl has been an obsessive thought and it's like I NEED to tell my boyfriend what I saw??? even though I don't want to cause it might risk our relationship over something small and I sound crazy + to get reassurance??? but he gives me reassurance everyday too. I just need to know if its something I gotta address (but I really don't want to tell him like even my mom told me it's not worth it. it's such a small thing. It probably passed his feed and he tapped liked and moved on) but my brain is like but gotta! u have to!! he deserves to know whats bothering u!!! but if i do it'll probably move on to another obsessive thought, possibly another girl. (I was obsessing over his ex fling before this girl til he cleared it up to me multiple times and I got the reassurance I needed)

Is it still retroactive jealousy if it's not really his past lovers? Like it's mostly his actions in the present towards his ex-match. The girl I was obsessing over before her was an ex-fling that he also courted the same time he courted me before we were exclusive. You know how people date around before deciding for sure that they wanna take it seriously with one person? He was like that and I wasn't, I'm more of a stick to one type of girl so I guess that really took a toll on me and was a bif frantic about the other girl stealing him for awhile. Also can OCD make you wanna tell something to someone because you feel like they should know or you have to even if you don't want to? Like you know the consequences and don't wanna risk it since it's so small, or is it fear?

Also by actions in present is basically liking her sexy pic lol that's it. Idk if they're DMing but I trust that he's not (hopefully). He's also been consistent in showing and telling me, he's committed to me and only me. I guess it also kind of bothers me that I know of her existence in his following since she's the type to post thirst traps but I also don't wanna tell him that because I don't wanna be the controlling type of gf.

@rosecoloredgirl OCD is certainly the type of disorder to make you feel the need to confess or nit pick or judge something even if it's small. I'd say most of us suffer with that - regardless of which subtype we have. To answer the previous question, yes, retroactive jealousy OCD can manifest itself in the present. Basically, as long as you're obsessing about other women he may have liked (both past or present), it can trap you into an OCD cycle. RJ OCD is not as publicized as the other subtypes, so it's not as easy to find information on. Essentially, it can make you feel as though your partner isn't aligned with you in terms of relationship values (you mentioned that you weren't like him; you like to date exclusively, for example). This is fine and totally normal to feel like you're not thrilled that he did that! It is validated. However, you must realize that the reality is that he chose you. OCD will make your life miserable if you let it take hold of your relationship. I suggest seeking therapy if you're not already involved :) we can help you here at NOCD with exposure and response prevention. If you cannot afford therapy, I suggest trying to expose yourself to triggers (such as the IG picture you mentioned) and NOT confessing or pointing it out to your partner. Remember that they are not your enemy; they didn't do anything wrong. Your only job is to live with the uncertainty and trust him and accept that he isn't always perfect and neither is his past. It is healthy to have boundaries of course, and if you suspect that he is truly cheating, that would be cause for concern. But anything else could be the OCD playing mind games with you and making life miserable! I wish you the best of luck :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Another thing I should mention is that it's a good idea to discuss boundaries if you haven't already. If you feel that there are some things (besides the OCD) that bother you, it is okay to discuss that. Just be sure not to point fingers, name call, or blame or shame him. Don't make the mistake of placing guilt on your partner or making him feel as though he did something wrong. Remember that he is your companion and the important part is loving one another in respectful manners. I hope this helps :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Thank you so much! I get the boundaries thing and I feel like we both know the limits (tho I will talk to him someday abt boundaries in person preferrably since we're ldr rn) and I don't wanna be the type to be like "You can't like other girls' pictures" but I'm not sure exactly where I stand on SEXY pictures of ex-matches but like I said... they're just likes and the nature of how I found out was so unnatural that If I tell him especially when its been like three weeks ago would make me look crazy. I basically wanna be okay with the fact that someday he MIGHT see another picture of hers and tap like and I wanna accept it. I can't control other's actions (him tapping like and her posting a thirst trap) but I can control my reaction towards it. Also I have ex-matched on my following too and have liked some (decently clad) pictures. This could be the OCD messing with my head as I am pretty jealous but it never manifested this bad in my previous flings. Probably bc it's been awhile since I've had something serious. Thank you though.

@rosecoloredgirl I understand! I think perhaps these things take time. Trust is something built. If he doesn't know that liking those types of posts bother you, that could be something to mention in the future (but only when the OCD is managed and not the forefront of your cause). Hope you have a lovely day!