- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
But there are actual facts to it like she didn’t even say night last night, she’s replying one word replies, not giving me quality time on the phone and today on her lunch she didn’t even talk to me she just said she’s coming off her phone to eat so I feel like those are valid things to bring up n say I feel like I want more attention
- Date posted
- 4y
But I also do think the ROCD makes me more hyper aware and critical than I used to be
- Date posted
- 4y
So I don’t know if I should leave it or say something
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s hard cause they say communication is key but if it’s just intrusive thoughts I don’t wanna have to say every time but also don’t Wana hold in real issues that bother me and not air them, anyone able to help with this dilemma????
- Date posted
- 4y
I know exactly how you feel cause I have the same dilemma sometimes except it's about my partner liking a sexy pic of an ex-match/acquaintance WEEKS ago and knowing I actually DON'T want to tell him it bothere me bc I've weighed the consequences and realize it's such a small thing and it's probably my insecurity and jealousy issues + paired with my obsessive tendencies. i've red before it's not the content of your thoughts that makes the OCD but your obsessive tendencies towards it and it seems to me you're ruminating on this thought too much. Normal people would simply go "hey babe, lately you seem distant, is anything wrong or bothering you?" and that's how they open the topic and communicate efficiently. You could do that especially you have HARD facts that could back you up that you're not just imagining it but I'd say wait it out, see if it changes or her behavior changes. If it keeps up and is affecting your ENTIRE relationship then that's when you bring it up. She could be stressed about something too. Sometimes we're so hyper focused on our thoughts and our own problems we forget to pay attention to our partners too. Their REAL situation btw not the "what ifs" in our mind
- Date posted
- 4y
Communicating how you feel is very important in a relationship, it doesn’t matter if it’s ROCD or not! But try to stay real on the facts (her changes in texting style, her not paying attention to you during lunch) and how they made you feel (invalidated maybe? Sad? Anxious?) rather than letting your OCD thoughts come through (I struggle with “she doesn’t love me anymore”, “she wants to dump me” etc). There can be many reasons why she is acting this way and you’ll never know for sure the reason, but through communication you’ll be able to set healthy boundaries and be clear on your expectations.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thankyou!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Does anyone know how can you determine ROCD compulsive thoughts vs actual relationship issues necessary to bring up? I’ve been in multiple abusive relationships in the past and I don’t want to go through that again. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, we’re both mentally ill and we’ve hurt each other a lot over the years. I have some trauma due to their alcoholism, but I want to still be there for her. However my head is constantly telling me that whenever they’re gone I’m worried they’re drinking and cheating, trying to harm themself, planning on harming me or they’re gonna die if im not basically with them 24/7. Even when I want time to myself I force myself to be with them sometimes out of fear. I see them do/say something that might suggest these things (following a new girl, ignoring my texts while they’re out, raising their voice at me etc.) and I’m even more convinced and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what is a suspicion I SHOULD bring up to them, and what is just a compulsive thought. :( How do I determine that?
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- Date posted
- 21w
Really need input. I have been suffering with doubts and thoughts since November. I saw a therapist who diagnosed me with OCD and have been in OCD medication for a couple months now. The meds have helped drastically with the frequency and urgency of my thoughts. But over the last week or so they have increased again. I did just get laid off from my job so I’m not sure if the stress from that has anything to do with it. But I’m at the point of questioning whether it really even is ROCD or if I’ve just been using it as an excuse to not see red flags. For example, my doubts are mainly around his contribution to chores, our quality time and romance, and how much of the load he will carry in the future once kids and things come into the picture. He is a hard worker who works long hours. He does also have ADHD which I think could be important to know here. But he will often say he is going to do little things like “Wednesday we will play a game together that night” and then they day comes and he ends up being too tired to play or just wants to watch our show together instead. And then if he doesn’t do a chore on the exact day he’s supposed to I start thinking he doesn’t care or doesn’t keep his word. I feel like I’m constantly asking for dates or romance or him to say sweet things. And I know sometimes he does. But at this point I can’t tell if it’s genuine unmet needs or if ROCD is making me not see the positive things he does or if ROCD is making me think I need more of these things because of unrealistic expectations or comparisons to social media. I think I know deep down I love him and want to be with him but then I start to think that I’m being treated wrong or that I’m settling. Please help.
- Date posted
- 16w
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
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