can someone with rocd talk please?

okay so this past week I have been suffering from this feeling like something is off or not right,and my boyfriend hasn't been messaging me as frequent or in as much detail,I spent the weekend with him and it was fine,but I feel like something isn't right when we are apart,he has been at his friend's and he is busy working but I feel like something isn't right and when I ask him everything is fine but I idk :/

@abby It could be your OCD or you could be getting these feelings for a legitimate reason. The thing is that we can’t ever know for sure. Sometimes it would help me to look at the facts. Why do u think u feel this way? Are u afraid of loosing him? I also found that even though I couldn’t determine what my partner was truly feeling I COULD keep doing what i cared about despite what my OCD was telling me.

@Anxiousashley I feel like if he keeps working and seeing his friends we will drift apart,I think in my head things have to be 100 percent happy in love otherwise things will go bad,that's why when I find him not messaging me as lovey then I think something is wrong and we are gonna break up cuz I don't want to feel like this forever

@abby There's a 'subtype' for ROCD kind of which Naomi from Awaken into Love called 'Not just right OCD'. Search it on YouTube

@abby And I totally get what you mean by wanting to be 100% in love and happy. I think you crave stability, so everything's under your control and feelings are unchangeable. I struggle with the same thing

@Daria Alexandrovna yeah like as soon as he isn't being 100 percent lovey with me I freak out

@abby I think the same about myself. So my ROCD is partner centred

@Daria Alexandrovna I'm messaging him rn and I feel like he is being blunt

@abby It is going to be hard for you to make up a difference between real relationship problems and him just being a human who may not always be super polite and careful or cheering. Though he isn't supposed to be rude also (but it happens too.)

@Daria Alexandrovna I mean he isn't rude,I keep telling myself that he isn't gonna be 100 percent affectionate all the time,also we recently got back together a few months ago and I keep comparing it to things he did that weren't good in our last relationship like when he would get a bit down (depressed) he would treat me badly by being mean to me so in my head everytims he does something wrong I immediately think its slipping back to how it used to be eventhough when we got back together he promised me he wouldn't take his frustration out on me,and to be fair to him,he hasn't I am just reading way too much into it but I can't help it

@abby I understand but you probably need to pause when this happens and maybe pay less attention to it? You have other things in life so why be so precise? Though I completely get what you mean

@Daria Alexandrovna how do I "pause" ? I know that It isn't a huge deal as I am making it out to be but once it starts I have to ride it out til another thing happens or it gets better

@abby Distance yourself from your thoughts, say 'Hey. Am I paying too much attention to this? Will my reaction and anxiety make things better?' And lightly push yourself to focus on something else. I actually used to be the same before. I have had a LDR and I was really obsessed with someone, so I would know him 100% to the extent where I would know how many days a month he's normally more cold or upset, so nothing was unpredictable for me. But it's not how life is supposed to be.

@abby That definitely sounds like OCD to me. The black and white thinking. The catastrophising. Definitely look into the awaken into love channel by Naomi!! She is awesome at explaining this subtype and her personal experiences with dealing with it.

@Daria Alexandrovna I just feel like he's gonna break up with me or something but when I'm with him in person everything's fine but I still have that feeling that it isn't

@abby Check that video, it explains your situation

@Daria Alexandrovna okay