ROCD is the worst. whenever my boyfriend and i try to make plans even just like a week out, my thoughts say “well what if you’re not even together then” and it’s so awful cause i know we will be but my thoughts just scare me so bad.

how do you handle it? it’s good to know someone else understands

@Anonymous When we weren't in such strict quarantine, going to my uni and theater pulled me out of my darkest place. I tried to go out with ANYONE as much as I could. Rn, we are locked in again, and I see my bf rarely, so it's tough. I am dependent on my mood, really, and the time of the day. I feel a lot better in the evening and a lot worse in the morning. Also my period makes things 1000x time worse. I am planning on cutting down rumination and figuring it out. Trying as much as I can to not avoid triggers but to face them and cope. I stopped doing many of my mental compulsions such as checking for my feelings when I understood that it's useless and doesn't tell me anything. It's literally not good to identify anything. It's really hard to stop the rumination and figuring it out but as soon as we do that we'll slowly get better, I believe.

@Anonymous I have problems as with real relationship conflicts or other personal traits my OCD stated throwing defensive arguments at me. Like see, it's no good. Leave. But those thoughts are temporary, even though they made me really upset

@Daria Alexandrovna thank you so much!! my biggest problem right now is probably checking. it causes so much stress and i can’t seem to figure out how to stop

@Anonymous Good thing is when we're together I feel like our love is growing, and intimacy too. (we aren't in a relationship for long) Bad thing is that I was super in control of my feelings since the beginning (really afraid to step into the wrong relationship). That's what made things worse. But as I said, love is still growing, even though sometimes I am desperate.

@Anonymous Checking is really useless, so people who have HOCD check themselves for arousal. And they have groinail responses, ironically. And people with Harm OCD check if they feel anything while rolling a scenario of killing someone close or themselves. And don't feel anything, though they expect to feel something. And with ROCD, whenever you check yourself for 'love' feelings or arousal, it's not coming. I know that I often begin smiling subconsciously at some thoughts (good), but as soon as I am like 'oh I am smiling?! means I am happy!!??' the smile goes down. that's the mechanism

@Anonymous By paying so much attention to our relationship, we ruin it, kind of. Ruin the feelings of love, of inspiration from our loved one, from deep connection. Fear interfered with it.

@Daria Alexandrovna you’ve been so helpful thank you so much!

@Anonymous Yeah at least my experience can help someone else and that's really good. ❤️