I’m so scared of being a lesbian that it’s truthfully paralyzing. I was doing an exposure where a women said that she had crushes on her friends and always took care of them. This reminded me of my best friend in high school. I never thought I had a crush on her but looking back we were very very close. To the point that when she went through a break up I consoled her and cuddled with her like a boyfriend. This thought has sent me spiraling. I feel like I know I’m a lesbian now. And that makes me so incredibly depressed that I loose all motivation to continue on in my life. I feel like I have to leave my boyfriend whom I love more than anything and go be happy with a woman. I’m scared that I will be happy, and therefore I would’ve been right all along. It’s so difficult to ignore what feels so much like the truth. I like I’m starting to accept it and that gives even more overwhelming anxiety. I never want to stop loving my boyfriend.

Thanks for your comment. At least we know we are not alone in how we feel. I feel the same way and it’s so exhausting for me to think this and be depressed that I feel like I should just except it already to stop the suffering.

@Anonymous But I really do not want to

@Anonymous I am also in a really good relationship with my boyfriend and fear that one day I will have to leave him. It is in fact paralysing and really debilitating:(

My fear also comes from the fact that I experimented before I knew this was ocd. So it drives me crazy to think that maybe I like women more than I like men and that eventually I will loose all attraction to men. It’s hard for me to understand that you like something or think you do and just because you are scared of it it does not mean it’s true. Obviously it also doesn’t mean it is false either.

@Anonymous Exactly!!! Like my fear started because I got the thought “lesbian” and it really flared up my HOCD. But before I would never have thought of being with a girl. When I was twelve I was really drunk, me and my friend experimented but I didn’t do anything, only her. I didn’t feel good about that experiment nor was I like “wowww”. But, I still always worry. It’s like my brain is a CD on repeat!

@Ope Btw you are the person who made me realize that my ocd started from the pure fear of loosing my boyfriend. I started the best relationship of my life and a couple months later I got the fear that I would turn gay.

@Anonyme Same thing happened to me

@Ope Yes exactly

Me too

Same... my mom was telling me a story the other day that when I was young I quit swimming classes because the teacher was a guy and now I’m convinced that is proof I am gay

@Anonyme Did you ever feel like you weren’t attracted enough to men or their bodies ?

@Anonymous Yes like I’ve never been like an intense boy crazy person but never thought I was gay.... I was always confident I liked boys, wanted to marry one have kids etc. And now boom