- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Try to accept the thoughts. The key of liberation is to not fight these thoughts and not ruminate. Try to do something else instead. Focus on anything else. Do not solve the problem. (I am litteraly saying this for myself, lol) Good luck, you are not alone, I experience the same thing.
Thank you for comment. It feels so real right now and I feel like I’m just scared to go through the process of coming out and changing my life to be a lesbian. But I can’t deal with this suffering anymore so a part of me is dying to do that to see if all of this will go away
Have you ever read « how do I know I’m not really gay » by dr Fred Penzel ? If not, read it now ! But once. Lol. Just one time.
Great read. I’m just having trouble excepting that I’m gay. Because fears do have a possibility of coming true
Sorry to interrupt the post! Is this book for people with ocd? I have soocd too and if this book will help? Scared it’ll trigger me haha!
@Anonymous I don’t know what you mean by that. Its either you suffer from ocd or you don’t. Whatever the theme, if you suffer from ocd, the theme means nothing. I suggest that you reach out to a trained professional
@jonathan18 Hi, sorry I just meant to say that part of treatment is accepting that your fear may or may not be true and living with the uncertainty and is the part I have trouble excepting
@Legallyocd I don’t want to ruin your process but for me it feels like it is more about accepting the idea of doubt rather than accepting that you might be gay. Like when a trigger comes up, I try to say to my self « oh there is doubt and the mind doesn’t like it at all- but I’ll sit with it. (And I TRY to sit with it) Likewise, if your theme would be fear of catching aids, I don’t believe that it is productive to say to yourself « oh I accept that I might have aids » or « oh I accept that I might actually be a serial killer, or a pedophile », or whatever twisted idea ocd comes up with. If feel like it is more helpful to try to sit with the general concept of doubt. Anyways, it’s my view on it.
@jonathan18 Thank you for that tip! I mind automatically goes into analytical thinking of why is there a doubt in the first place so I guess that’s what I need to accept.
It is not a book but an article, and yes it is intended to people who suffer from soocd.
Thank you for your help! I’m still hesitant to read it haha! Googling and reading articles was a huge compulsion for me, I’ll add it to my list for erp tho 😂
@MelodyOCD It is not at all triggering, it details a list of symptoms that people who suffer from osocd experience.
@jonathan18 Oh I seee! I used to use articles like that for reassurance a lot, however now I’m scared I’ll read it and not relate to the symptoms and that I’ll find out it’s not ocd lol, it’s all one big circle of scary 😂
@MelodyOCD Aaaaannnnd this is why you have ocd 😂😂😂 we are funny people sometimes. I deal with stuff like this the same way. Incredible.
@jonathan18 Hahah it is pretty weird how our brains do this to us! 😂
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
I have been doing okay for the past week or so and was really happy i felt that i was getting back on track, but today i went on tiktok and i saw something triggering which was “i thought i was a lesbian for 4 years until i met my now boyfriend” and it triggered me very badly, i have been crying all day and i can’t seem to make myself feel okay. i feel like im lying to myself that im not lesbian and i truly want men, but when i get any thought about men it feels disgusting and wrong and not me, i don’t want men i feel so sick i want to get out of this. i always felt so happy as a lesbian im so stuck i don’t want to be with a man. i have a loving girlfriend i just want to be happy with her.
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