So i haven't been on this app for a bit, but long story short after a bad episode dealing with psych effects from wellbutrin i've had this new theme where i'm lowkey just obsessed with the thought of suicide, i don't want to die.. but after that experience it like traumatized me... anyway, i hadn't left the house in months for more than like your baci grocery shopping trip or anything like that, i live with my mom also and my aunt needed someone to watch her dog from thursday - tuesday, initially my friend was just going to watch her but i wanted to try and challenge myself by going and sort of yknow feel good, try and help my brain but, and my OCD was pretty calm and then all of a sudden last night before bed my thoughts started racing and i managed to fall asleep and i had about maybe 5 minutes after i woke up until the thoughts came back and it's only 5:50 am and i told my mom i wanted to come home but now i'm feeling more calm and idk i feel weak, i'm trying not to let this bring me down... i'm also upset because my dog is usually with me and he's such a huge comfort and i'm not in my bed, i'm using my aunts old bed in her den and it's super hard and uncomfortable, and i miss my mom and my cat... i kinda regret already texting her but i also just want to go home... idk what to do... this sounds so dumb but here i have nothing to comfort, nothing feels like MY OWN so it feels harder to calm down once i've begun, i've also been having major health anxiety (ironic) about my heart and i'm afraid to eat anything incase of a heart attack and, i guess it's easier to control at home because i know where i am, at my aunts house i'm not familiar with this area, idk theres just so much!!! I need advice, what should I do? :(

we facetime everyday, i think i just miss my house, i feel a bit better now that the sun is out and all that!

i also have really bad separation anxiety from my mom and i always assume the worst is gonna happen so :(((

thank you, it just can be overwhelming and i guess the fact that i'm afraid of both of those things rlly just means it's my OCD trying to mess with me haha, right now i'm trying to play a game on my ipad! my other friend is sleeping but when she's awake i was gonna maybe watch tv or smthn, i'm always super self-conscious about my heart since i'm overweight and then i see people on like TLC in that show a thousand pound sisters and i freak myself out even more and i want to like STARVE, ocd is such a horrendus cycle sometimes :( i'm here till tuesday but that seems so far away right now, idk i just feel bad.. i was afraid this was gonna happen! because i was actually really excited to spend time with my friend but now i just wanna go home and cry...

@Lex I understand! Watching things about health can really trigger health anxiety, so that’s normal - but there’s logical, and illogical. I feel inclined to reassure you, but that is not gonna help you, and you probably won’t believe anything I say anyway! You’ll have something to distract you once your friends up, she’s probably already up at this point though, lol! But yeah, instead of making the present more uncomfortable by longing to go home, really try and find the silver lining - thinking negative thoughts like, ‘I wanna go home’, ‘I hate this’, is really just distorting the way you view the situation. I could go on, but I’m sure you’re busy now so I’ll let you try and enjoy your days there!! Sending my love❤️

@Louise thank you :)) we're enjoying breakfast now!!

i switched to zoloft but i think the psych effects are what triggered this like new theme i have :((

@Lex That makes sense. Sorry you are going through this. Since you just started hopefully it will only last a little while and the zoloft will kick in. Sucks in the meantime but at least you have friends to occupy your mind.

I hope you got off of it. How long were you on it for

@Kls2121 For about a year. It never helped with my ocd not really. But it helped with other things. I actually liked it for the most part until the end. I started taking the 150 XL and I would skip around a lot until it became ineffective and it just amped up my ocd and I started having panic attacks etc. I’ve been off of it for about two months. It’s been hard for me to find meds that work since Bc my anxiety is so bad

Yes. Let’s say I only took it maybe 4 days out of 7 and I skipped consistently I never took it every day towards the end which isn’t what you are supposed to do with the XL. I cannot go back on it because it will be too stimulating for me. My ocd is considerably worse. My doctors didn’t want to keep me on it because my anxiety is more than my depression. They want me to start pristiq. I also had an interaction with Wellbutrin and cbd and the withdrawals were difficult for me.

@jljbchs Sorry to hear that. I know its hard. My ocd is worse at times but when it's not that bad my anxiety over everything is just horrible. Never heard of pristine. Hopefully that works for you even better.