Question: in February and March, my body became completely fearful of a "certain ethnic group." The intrusive thought I was having was "You are going to say something racist. You are a racist. You are a bad person." I would then feel this incredibly intense fear and could not think of anything else. They were rampant. However, in between switching meds, I noticed racial slurs popping up, as well as that same thought, you are going to say something racist. My question is are: since my mind is slower, is that the reason am I noticing the racial slurs? I am so ashamed and sad about this.

Harm OCD

Hannahkins

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much. I am so upset i got this OCD. I attempted suicide but survived. I am looking for a therapist to help me.

booba

Date posted: 4y

Oh darling I’m so so sorry. I am so glad you’re still here with us. The world needs you. We need people like you who care so deeply about other people. You are my favorite kind of person. You value the lives of others, and you care about the impact your life makes on theirs. I think it’s SUPER important that you find a good therapist. I hate hearing that you’re suffering so much. Nobody deserves to live like that, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, and you are very very far from that. If you feel suicidal again, please please go to the ER. Call someone you love and trust. You are a stranger to me and it still breaks my heart to think about you being gone from this world. You deserve a chance to heal and live a life without all of this pain, and I know you can do it. I’m so sorry my friend. I don’t think even actual racists deserve to die because they’re racists, I don’t believe in the death penalty under any circumstances, and especially not for you, a person with OCD who hates racism so much it makes them sick. You are worth it. I want healing so much for you. I know your life will become beautiful and easy with the right medical care.

Hannahkins

Date posted: 4y

I hate that this happening and am praying that i can find someone to help me

Hannahkins

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much for writing that to me.

booba

Date posted: 4y

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ it’s no problem at all. It’s a pleasure to talk to good people like you. If you ever need help or advice or just want to talk I would be happy to give you my email. You are not alone my friend ❤️

Hannahkins

Date posted: 4y

I am crying so much from what you wrote.

Hannahkins

Date posted: 4y

It makes me feel so loved and cared for

booba

Date posted: 4y

🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ that makes me so happy to hear omg!! You deserve to feel that way! You are a stranger to me but I can tell you that I care very, very much about you. You are loved. You are so important. I hope you start feeling the love and care more and more in your life. You obviously care so deeply yourself, you deserve that compassion in return. My email is unraveledwordsl@yahoo. You don’t have to email me if you don’t want to, but it would be my pleasure to talk to you any time you felt like it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hannahkins

Date posted: 4y

I would love to email with you. Thank you for all the kind words and taking time out to speak with me. I always had mild ocd and i had no idea what was happening to me. I have wanted to die for a month but now just want to start ERP and get better. Yes i will email you.

booba

Date posted: 4y

Yay yay yay please do!!! A month is way too long to feel like that. A minute is too long! You can’t die yet, you are still needed here, and you still haven’t gotten the chance to heal yet. The world would be a worse place without you in it. You deserve all of the help you need to get to a place where you love your life ❤️

booba

Date posted: 4y

Oh darling I am so so sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you, as a person, really care about your impact on others. It sounds like, to you, one of the worst possible things would be if you accidentally aggressed racially against a person of color. That tells me you are NOT racist. Your OCD is disgusted by and terrified of racism, and it is doing whatever it can to keep you from ever being racist towards someone else. There is nothing wrong with you thinking a slur. It is uncomfortable, slurs are awful and nasty words and it is especially horrible when the word pops into your head because you looked at a person of that race. The function, though, isn’t for your brain to target the person and hurt them. OCD is sending you those words and images to remind you of the WORST thing you could possibly do to that person. To me, that is incredibly kind. Most white people don’t care to analyze their own behaviors and internal biases. You and your OCD both hate racism, and OCD has decided, as it does, to torment you to keep you from potentially being racist. You can think racist thoughts. If you think them and enjoy them and agree with them, that might be something to look into. It’s okay to think about a slur. It’s not okay to behave in a racist way. It’s not okay to say slurs to people of color, it’s not okay to racially profile and harass and target people of color, and I know you would never ever do those things. Those are your worst fears right now! That is a really kind way to live your life as a white person, you want to be good to your fellow human beings. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and not judge the things that are flowing through your brain. Your intentions, your morals, your beliefs, they MATTER! You are so much more than your thoughts. Take care my friend

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