I have very long red hair that I am proud of and feel like it defines me quite a bit; I am also a compulsive picker. I pick my lips, skin, and bite my cheeks. Several months ago I started picking at my scalp and it got worse. I have been to the dermatologist. I have been under massive stress since last year (divorce, death of mom, etc) and had no appetite so I ate very little after depression which also affected hair loss. I have added anxiety over losing my hair but I cannot stop picking and eating bits of my scalp. Specific solutions or personal experiences would be appreciated.

hey guys, anyone with eating disorders or body dysmorphia? ive had certain habits for a long, long time but ive started seeing them through a different light now. i usually try and starve myself to stay unbloated and skinny looking, and usually after a while i get so hungry that i binge eat. after the binge is over, i either drink excessive amounts of coffee (to work like laxatives) or i starve for days on end to “make up” for it. in all honesty, i would just throw up if it wasnt for a surreal fear of vomiting (only way emetophobia has been good for me ever) about half of the time i feel good about my looks, weight, body, face and all that, but the rest of the time i feel like i look disgusting, and thats where the starving comes in, and excessive grooming habits to cover my flaws. all of this was way worse a couple of years ago, and then it got way better, but along with all of this ocd this has gotten worse again. i feel like the way the “eating disorder” habits and the “body dysmorphia” plays out kind of look like an ocd cycle (sorry for self diagnosing, i dont know if i actually have these) another thing that i know for sure is very unhealthy is the amount of shame and embarrassment i have towards my body. i feel i “have” to do so many things to cover up, prevent or get ready for certain events or plans. overall, any time i need to be proper or any bodypart of mine has a role in something, i get so stressed to the point of panic attacks. i nearly had a burnout when i was seeing this guy for two months (my first time dating someone) from just sheer stress. before meeting up with him i would panic for hours, and still would while being with him. i barely got to enjoy the good times.

I have had anxiety issues for years and have been in therapy for that. But a big change in my life made it spin out of control. Btw, I am a bit of a control freak. So, for the last year, health anxiety has reigned. It all started when I had a panick attack and ran out of the operation room where I had to go under for a very simple, preventive procedure (I was convinced I wasn’t going to wake up.) I faced it again and made it. But after that I have been going from one health scare to the other. Skin cancer, oral cancer, breats cancer, HPV related cervical cancer - went through each recently. These are accompanied by panick attacks, insomnia and anxiously googling symptoms and testimonials. Every visit to the doctor end with panick that I forgot to check other important symptoms or that she might not be taking me seriously and miss something important. Now I am worried about a lymph node under my jaw that is slightly swollen. I know chances are it is ok and it is not cancer, it’s my anxiety. But what if it isn’t? And on it goes. I just want to stop worrying and go a day without googling symptoms or health issues. I am waiting for it to pass as these periods of health anxiety are kinda like panicks attacks - they build up, they peak and then they pass. I am afraid doctors will stop taking me seriously (this week I saw my doctor for a melanoma scare and a sore breast.) I am afraid when my doctor doesn’t investigate further and I am afraid when she does. I know it is absurd (I recently googled eye cancer) but I can’t stop. Sorry for the long post, I guess I wanted to write it all down and share it.

Has anybody out here ever been so depressed and anxious that you feel as if you’ve completely let your life go? For example: I haven’t gotten a haircut in months, I wear the same clothes all the time (no motivation to wash them even though it’s downstairs,) my apartment is an unbearable mess (all my life before this disease I was neat as a pin,) my mailbox is probably flooded from not checking it for weeks, I’ve been putting off projects I’d like to do that I know will make me feel better, my to-do list has stayed stagnant for over half the year, I never wear make up or do my nails like I used to… I feel like a terrible bum. Everyday I just sit on the couch and pray to survive the day and then it ends there. Oh, and I’m sure my car looks terrible, as I haven’t been the one driving it lately. I’m also always stressed about money and hang onto every penny I possibly can even if it means taking away necessary things. I feel like I’m going to explode. :( If any of you have ever let everything go before, how did you go back to normal/bring it all back together? I’m afraid I’m going to live this way forever. Any advice would be so incredibly appreciated. I would be so ecstatic to hear your story — we may be able to help each other even. Thank you so much.