I hate this, I hate to feel like I’m turning evil. Like when I’m with my family I feel like I could go and hurt them, I don’t want to but I feel like I did. Or like it’s gonna take over me. I feel like I could go and do it, or sometimes I question myself: are u gonna do it or not? I feel like I’m really turning into a serial killer. I feel like this monster inside my mind is trying to make me act on my thoughts. I hate this I can’t handle it. I feel like in any second this will completely change me and make me m*rder someone and will take over me. It seems like it doesn’t matter if I don’t want to, I feel like it could still happen any second, I feel like I have a monster inside me, that’s convincing me to act on my thoughts and that’s taking over me. I feel so overwhelmed, because I feel like I don’t want it to happen but it’s gonna happen anyway. This monster inside me wants it to happen and could make it happen no matter if I don’t want to. Can’t even tell if this is harm OCD anymore, doesn’t feel like it.

Harm OCD

Josh.ru

Date posted: 4y

My best advice on this is expose yourself to the feelings of being around them and over time the anxiety and fear will subside.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank u so much :(

Josh.ru

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous If you need someone to reach out to personally you can find me on Instagram, @joshrunzo.

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

Hey friend I’m sorry this is really difficult and confusing. I have harm ocd as well and I know where you’re coming from. Hang in there

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Yes it is :( have u felt this way too? It’s horrible :( but thank you so much

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Yes I have it sucks.

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous I’ve had some many thoughts go through my head on murdering that I lost count. This is one of the worst themes in my opinion

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Dre83 Same, I don’t mean to take other OCD subtypes for granted, but Harm OCD has to be one of the worst themes. The fact that your mind is tricking you with such horrible thoughts that could ruin ones life, it makes it so scary

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Yeah I’m not either but the taboo topics are hard. And yeah literally ruin someone’s life for real

🌵

Date posted: 4y

that monster is OCD. i assure you that serial killers are not aware of the fact that they are evil and need help. i really wish you the best

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I hope it is:( thank you, now my brain is telling me how do I know that I’m not lying to myself and how am I sure I’m not hiding my true nature... dang it this is really hard but thank you for your wishes <3

🌵

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous it’s incredibly hard, i know <3. easier said that done but do not engage and respond. remember that ocd is always trying to trick you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@L🌵 Thank you so much, yes it’s really hard but I have to keep trying

Josh.ru

Date posted: 4y

I have struggled with this same theme for the last 3 months — it started when I came home from college after being quarantined away from family for over a year and I was terrified to potentially give them COVID. Your awareness and fear is evidential that you are not a serial killer and that your brain is actually firing off warning signals for these thoughts. But, they are JUST that — thoughts. They are meaningless. And you are always in control.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much, I understand how hard it must have been. It sucks because I’m doubting if I feel fear or not, and omg it’s so frustrating. But thank you for your words, I appreciate it

ilanar

Date posted: 4y

I know what this feels like.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Like hell right? I’m sorry you’re going through this too, but you’re not alone, sending love <3

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond