- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I know, it’s so hard. Even though it’s been hard, though, don’t let the ocd win. My harm ocd crosses over too, thinking I’ll go crazy, but being a parent is a joy, if you can push the ocd aside (I know, trust me, I’ve been in the same boat as you, questioning if I could handle children). Tonight I rocked my daughter to sleep and felt so much love for her...AND there was a pair of scissors in her room that my therapist made me put there for ERP....they’ve been there for a week and the fear has subsided so much. I feel so much joy knowing that I was able to rock my daughter tonight without the fear. Tomorrow will bring other worries but for me tonight, that was a major turning point. Don’t let ocd ruin your chances of being a parent!!!!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
All of you are so strong! I always wanted kids when I was younger but as I grew into my teens and now 20s and developed the Harm theme...I’d just sort of given up on the idea of being a mother. But reading your posts and comments has given me so much hope. Hang in there everyone
- Date posted
- 6y ago
All of you are my hero’s!!!! What amazing stories of strength! I have harm ocd and three children, it’s really tough, you all just gave me so much hope!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Honestly I had this too. I don’t have kids but I coach toddlers gymnastics once a week, and they can be a real pain! So whenever I got infuriated, especially since my harm OCD was awful at this point, I’d get so scared of my capabilities. But I’d usually just raise my voice slightly and leave it at that. I truly know what you mean though. Just try to breathe and relax. Tell yourself that it’s OCD and not you, and accept that you cannot stop the thoughts.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I am from the UK but I don’t really read the news these days (which is bad because I feel so uneducated on everything right now haha). But you’ve got to realise that your OCD knows you adore kids, that’s why it picked them - to go against you! That’s why OCD is such a bitch. Just react to the thoughts less and less each time they pop up, and through time you’ll get better. Have you started therapy?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Hi there, have had harm ocd since I was a kid, but know exactly what you mean about fearing you’ll go mad when you get angry at them. I am dealing with this now with my two year old daughter, everything was fine till she started having tantrums and when I get angry I fear I will shake her or throw her. It is terrifying. Currently in therapy now doing ERP for this...the scariest part of this is worrying that when she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night I fear I may hurt her and not realize it, it makes me physically sick. It’s so hard because I stay home with her and am her primary caregiver so I can’t get away, in a way that is good exposure but is a lot of anxiety for me. As far as fearing how you will act when you do have children...I had the worst harm ocd before my son was born. In fact, I had more worries before he came into the world. Once he was born I had more accidental harm ocd. But I know what you mean. Have a plan in place with a therapist. I will tell you it hasn’t been easy with my two children, but you can do it. Even though I still struggle I am doing better each day. Despite the anxiety and terror ocd has caused me, I cant imagine it having my two kids, I love them so much.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I too worry a lot about my future kids which seems so weird, like i dont even have kids and im worried about it... harm ocd is hard because for me atleast it crosses to other themes as well. I often worry that ill lose my mind and that im going to become crazy even though im fully aware of whats going on with my ocd. I sometimes think i never want kids anymore because of this. I used to always want kids but now i dont know
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you for your advice. It’s horrible, something in my head is saying ‘yeah but you actually want to do this.’ :( I’m not sure if you’re UK based but there’s a big news story at the moment about a child who was killed and it’s a real big trigger. I adore children and have grown up surrounded by them it’s so horrible.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w ago
My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.
- Date posted
- 18w ago
Since I developed ocd as postpartum my ocd has mostly always targeted my kids. It started as harm and then switched to pocd. Both are equally very painful. For years I was mostly able to keep my ocd at bay but when it comes back it’s so bad. I have a son and a daughter and my ocd switches back and forth from kid to kid with horrible intrusive thoughts and now even intrusive ocd dreams. With each thought I get past and start to feel relief another one pops right up. The thoughts feel so real and true even though I know it’s just the ocd and not how I think or feel, the ocd always makes me doubt myself and question everything I think or do. I know other moms/dads go through this too. Please anyone who has or is going through this please tell me how you deal with this. 😪
- Date posted
- 18w ago
This might be asking for reassurance but I’m at a point I’m not sure if this is ocd and who better to ask than you guys. Also want to mention I have been to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and I’ve tried to seek therapy through NOCD but had a bad experience so I’m just looking for an opinion I’ll take with a grain of salt. I’ve been through bouts of pocd that I got through but now it’s morphed into something that feels so different. It’s like harm ocd and pocd together and it revolves around my daughter. Before this happened I was a loving mother who valued my kid more than anything. Now this is happening and it feels so sinister. I’m getting urges to do something bad and I get these feelings like I want to do that and it’s like my brain gets foggy and my values slip away and I feel like I could do it. But then I get a moment of clarity and I’m like wait a minute I’ve never hurt anyone in my life nor have I ever thought about it and this is my child what is happening. But then I get that foggy brain again and it’s like I can’t see her as my child. I try to sit with it and it’s like I get this adrenaline rush and feel like I have to do it. But I know I don’t want to do that, but then it’s like trying to make me want to want to. I’m not sure if I’m just lacking insight and clarity because I’m overwhelmed with the groinals, urges, thoughts and feelings but I just keep obsessing over the fact that death is my only way out. I don’t understand what happened to me. It feels like this demonic oppression and I don’t know how to get through this one or if this is still something I can get through because it might not be ocd. I try to go with the thoughts and feelings and say yeah maybe, maybe not, or yeah I’m going to do that but it seems to fuel the feelings. I feel like I’m teetering between the person I was and this evil awful person who has no regard for others. I don’t want to be around my daughter and I’m just angry all the time. The fear and anxiety used to be something I relied on and I feel none of that now. I used to be able to say “well no matter what I feel or think I can control my actions” and now it feels like I cannot control my actions but I’ve never hurt anyone before. Someone please give it to me straight and tell me if you think this might not be ocd.
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