My brain keeps saying "you should come out lesbian, tell her your a lesbian" but I don't wanna be a lesbian... I want to like boys... I like Boys! I think... I mean thinking abt liking them makes me happy so why can't I just like guys... I hate this. I'm so confused idek anymore.

I’ve bene dealing with this for around six-seven years and its just torment...have you ever gotten help? Cause im starting to save up to get help

@hate_ocd.123 No I haven’t because I go through waves but i know i need to. One second I’m 10/10 anxiety thinking about it or something triggers me like someone coming out (bachelor Colton underwood this week did it for me) or someone on a show I’ll ruminate but then in a couple days or the next day I’m fine, I still have it in the background but it doesn’t interfere very much and the thoughts seem almost silly? . And then the next round will be like back door spike almost less anxiety with the idea of leaving my boyfriend to have this other life that I feel like I HAVE TO HAVE. And the reduced anxiety makes me more unsettled and then I’ll go back through the cycle. It also generally corresponds with my period and different times of the month.

@hate_ocd.123 We both need to get help tho

@lola2214 10 years, wow. I’m so sorry. I’m at 7 myself.

@missbluesky 7 years is a long time too! Have you had treatment? I was petrified to search or even look into anything until about 2 years ago so I just suffered. I still have days where I think this must not be ocd. It’s really hard.

@lola2214 I have, but I didn’t really do it. I’m too scared. How old were you when yours started?

@missbluesky It was sometime in 2012 I think I figured out so i was probably 22 or 23. It was triggered by a TV show. It shifted to POCD around that time but then landed on SOOCD and that’s where it’s been ever since. I go through waves where for weeks I’ll be completely fine and then weeks where I’m convinced 1000% I don’t have OCD at all and this has been a cover for what I really want, I get depressed and at my worst feel suicidal. I know I need to get into treatment so I plan to in May when I get insurance.

@missbluesky How about for you?

@lola2214 I was 12. It really scares me that I was so young. I wish I had been 22 or 23 when mine hit.

@missbluesky I can assure you that it wouldn’t be any more reassuring for you if you started in your 20s. That’s OCD for you. It’ll make you doubt every single thing even things that seem like solid evidence, there’s never enough

@missbluesky Hi! I just wanted to mention my soocd/hocd hit chronically when I was 21 turning 22. But I ALWAYS had fears about not wanting others to think I’m a lesbian and irrational fears of a psychic or a ghost through a oujia board (ridiculous I know) tell others I’m a lesbian or will be with a woman because of the stuff I was aroused by or fantasized about (lesbian porn/erotica). I thought only lesbians thought out liked that stuff so if others knew they would think I was too. Because I had these thoughts and fears when I was younger ocd uses that as further proof! Age is different for everyone, it’s all something that sticks and what we see as important to us.

@missbluesky But also I’m really sorry this hit when you were soo young. we need to get help.

@Corie I started having HOCD when I was 12/13 so you can imagine how that plays into itself now at 23...

@NOCD4me@123 It really feels like proof that it’s NOT ocd because it started so young

@missbluesky It feels like proof to me that it started when mine did too so trust me it’s just the nature of OCD and seeking for proof/reassurance is the bane of our existence

@missbluesky Really? How do you figure??

@NOCD4me@123 Because that’s the age most people realize they’re gay

@missbluesky Oh yes yes!! It freaks me the hell out. I don’t like it.

@NOCD4me@123 Right?? Mines been off and on for 7 years

@missbluesky I get that. Me too. But I was mostly OCD free after 16 y/o and lasted until 22...what I wouldn’t give to be attracted to a guy again...

@NOCD4me@123 I was 12/13 and have suffered on and off from hocd (my main theme), but had really bad themes before hocd but none were this bad.

@hate_ocd.123 I had contamination theme when I was 7/8 y/o!

@NOCD4me@123 I had cancer theme from 6/7 and obsessed about the world ending and death from 7-11/12ish🤣

@hate_ocd.123 Isn’t this disorder just so weird 😂 if I don’t laugh I will 100% cry!

@NOCD4me@123 Same 🤣 Literally i was freaking out cause i was like “why am i uncomfortable with thoughts of boys now?? Omg that must mean im gay. Why am i comfortable wuth thoughts of girls now? Why do two girls being together sound more normal tham a guy and a girl?? And i was just like “bruh you think about it all the time that’s why, doesnt mean your gay.” (Then there’s the “WHAT IF”) Cause i got turned on by a guy and i almost felt uncomfy and my ocd RAN with that Then i freaked out and relapsed in compulsing

@hate_ocd.123 Mine runs because now I recognize women in pictures and person before I recognize a man!! Hahahah it’s like duh it’s because I’m constantly aware of these thoughts and am actively thinking of it

@hate_ocd.123 Just have to remember logic NEVER works with ocd

@hate_ocd.123 You’re actually repeating what goes on in my brain on a daily basis WOW good to know I am not alone in this. Honestly it’s just rumination 24/7 and sounds just like that.

@NOCD4me@123 No or when i test it gets so bad. Like it at times makes me feel like i want girls and would like being with girls more than guys and dont want guys and dont wanna be with them and i HATE it🙃

@NOCD4me@123 Sorry i never respond im rarely on my phone haha

Have you ever had the thought “if it weren’t for other people I’d be fine with having a gf?” Cause i just did and it felt like it was genuine and i wanna cry cause i dont want that and dont want to be gay

@hate_ocd.123 No I’ve never had that thought but I can 100% understand your distress :(