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Its lies mate remember. Trying to keep you in its grasp 👍
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The exposure that my therapist has me doing for the dude that triggers me has me really triggered. It's very convincing. I wanna cry.
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Thanks bro.
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@Jbm421 Shit I have to do the same thing but I have to do that exposure alone.
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@mwill Alone as in only that one or alone as in by yourself.
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@Jbm421 Well it's my homework, along with other guys that triggered me before.
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@mwill Ah. God bless you bro. Hope the exposures help you in the long run.
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Nightmare?
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Maybe mate. Do you suffer with hocd ?
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I suffer with hocd as well bro
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@got it fucking sucks ive had this on and off for 17 years and last august shit got really bad 😞
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Yes I do, I once had a dream I was making out with my brother...that one got burned into my memory, another one where I was having sex with a friend of mine... Ruminating on what could it mean but it was just a reflection of my fears... That dwindle into my dreams
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I guess what I'm saying is it's just a dream means nothing, kinda like our intrusive thoughts mean nothing.
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My mind at the moment is hell bent on me being with a man and i feel like im atttacted to mens gentials 😞
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Been there friend I feel for you.
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Dude just this morning, I had a dream about a chick sitting in my lap, and as soon as it started to feel good, boom she turned into a dude.
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Finding exposures tough with the male models. But sometimes it helps afterwards ?
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Those exposures dont even bother me anymore. They do help. My therapist just gave me a new exposure to do for that dude who triggers me. Hopefully it starts to work. 😢😔
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@Jbm421 I keep checking back to see if I had gay intrusive thoughts before
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@got That checking will only lead to more checking.
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Now, not only is this false attraction crap fucking with me but loss of attraction is back in full effect.
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I was doing it earlier. Mate at the end of the day there models there going to be attractive to anyone i guess ? But my mind throws upLook at him hes hot. This guy is the one , nice body etc and i get a feeling in my body. But with women no feeling 😞
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Its same but different with me. The models shit doesn't bother me. I've done a ton of exposures with that and nothing. But this one, ONE, dude triggers the hell outta me and my mind does the same thing it does to yours "oh look he's so handsome"... And then of course, females may a well not exist anymore. Shit man...
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I just had i thought and i was like wtf 😕. I said in my head i cant wait till i can like men freely ? Please tell me this happens to you ?
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Blurted statements? Yeah mine is more like I see random guy and it's like cute I'm like .... 😒 Wtf
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Blurted statements? I hope so mate. I think im getting to the point where im not caring as much. Which is a good then i guess
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That's the trick. You're supposed to not care but OCD will try to make the accusation that not caring about the thoughts is the same as liking them, simply just to get you back into obsessing and doing compulsion to make you feel safe again or to reassure yourself.
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@Jbm421 What he said come up with anything or throws the same ideas over and over to get to freak you
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@mwill Exactly. It goes in a cycle and the cycle depends on your negative reaction. If you cut the cycle, by not reacting then you can beat it. But it feels impossible.
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@Jbm421 Well I feel like it's impossible to not react, but we do have power to choose how we respond. We either respond feeding into the thoughts checking reassuring or we can just let them give us all sorts of feeling of discomfort and continue to move forward with out giving them any energy.
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@mwill Absolutely right.
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@mwill But the wanting to be with a man really gets to me i can feel myself panick 😞
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@Jbm421 You ok mate ?
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@Ihateocd83 Just a bit frustrated. I wanna be able to simply fantasize about girls without intrusive thoughts. Not only intrusive thoughts about dudes but intrusive thoughts that pick apart females looks. I'm much better than I use to be but I'm just frustrated. I want girls back so bad bro. It sucks because its my Birthday but I'm in my head.
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@Jbm421 Hbd, I know it's difficult to even try to celebrate your birthday. Right now for me like I checked if I thought a coworker was cute last week and now my brain is like do you still think no? And I'm trying my best not respond. But I'm so afraid of not saying that "cute" that when his face pops up in my head my brain does exactly that. It's so scary because I'm stuck checking to see if that was me or intrusive thought.
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@mwill I know that feeling. Look bro, you can find any dude good looking, alright. Nothing wrong with that and even I know that. But I cant take when my mind takes that and runs with it. Tries to not only make it bigger than what it is but also kill all my energy towards chicks. And all the checking and re-checking to see if it's true or false is exhausting....
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@Jbm421 Happy birthday mate. Exposures have been tough for me today
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@Jbm421 It really is exhausting, yeah but I get fixated on the word cute description for a guys looks, like pre ocd I never thought no guy was cute only girls if anything I could see how they could be considered that. But now I stay stuck in checking a bunch of times to see if I think that or not like I actually gave into the checking rn to see if I think my coworker is cute or not and I was fully of anxiety visualizing and I didn't think nothing about him but I wasn't answering the question then in my brain it clicked I don't think that it's like a really long delay.
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@Ihateocd83 Gonna do some today aswell.
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@mwill Yeah I know. Im about to do an exposure. Then go to the gym for more exposures. Just got triggered pretty bad by some NFL highlights. I dont wanna spiral on my Birthday. It's crazy how quickly the mind can put a bunch of thoughts together to trigger you. It's like I keep under estimating its power. I was never like before this happened to. I could notice a dude is good looking or has a good build but not on some shit like this (and to be honest I still dont, mind just makes things a bigger deal than they are)....
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@Jbm421 You said it the mind does make things bigger than they are.
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@Ihateocd83 This Birthday has been impossibly bad. And it was all in my head. Yet the way my mind has gone, I feel broken dude.
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@Jbm421 Well technically we actually have a chemical imbalance......
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@mwill Well, I'm terribly imbalanced 🤣🤣🤣....
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@Jbm421 Yeah defenetly we all are 😞
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@Ihateocd83 There are times where its all clear in my head. Nothing can stop and I feel like myself. But too many times recently my mind would basically twist everything about not only the way I think but how I see things. It's almost as if I can handle so much more than I use to and I'm so much stronger but since this is a part of me, it needs to be stronger too.
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@Jbm421 I feel the same way...
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@mwill ...and every morning I pay for it and it's like I have to solve what in my head for me to get out of bed....
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@Jbm421 Shit I did that today and was pissed I shouldn't have don't it
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@mwill I was like that bad for a long time, but recentry I was doing just a little bit better and I was getting up instead of staying in bed but I dont sleep well and I wake up so tired that I had to lay in bed and rest but it only makes it worse. Dude, I'm pretty sure I can speak for both of us and ihateocd83, that we are mentally and emotionally exhausted from all this.
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@Jbm421 I was looking at male models and i was saying in my head. Cute aswel and also beautiful 😞. The thing is they are models so they are good looking guys 😞
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You know what I noticed...the stupid dirty tricks this crap does. For instance I'm feeling like crap already, sure, but my bro in law is triggering me a little now and he hasn't triggered me in awhile. The thoughts are really distressing though and it's to the point where I cant even believe how bad the thoughts are.
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I cant tell if its real or not
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@Ihateocd83 I know that feeling. That's been me all today. But I'm sure that even feeling like that, you still feel that something is really freaking wrong. But then your mind will say, "no, it's not wrong! It's real!!"
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@Ihateocd83 This thing has completely manipulated, altered and destroyed the way I look at women. I'm fucking done...
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@Jbm421 Yeah it does sometimes. When i woke this morning i said im not gay tho...and my mind said yes you are 😞
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@Ihateocd83 The worst thing is that I am confidant that I can beat this thing (and if I can beat anyone can) but my mind wont let me. It will find a way to twist my thoughts, zero in on any flaw of a chick, make any dude that is good looking be the end of the world...anything to keep me here....
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My therapist told my to watch the story by the bachelor colton underwood. He said he would have rather died than have told people he was gay. And I said something similar. I said I would rather have been dead than gay 😔
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That triggers me...
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But we dont want to be gay, he just didn't wanna tell people...
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But now I feel like I turned....😭😭😭
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@Jbm421 Sorry buddy just wondering if you had similar thoughts etc...?
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@Jbm421 Have you seen it ?
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@Ihateocd83 Nope.
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My therapist has told me to watch it over and over for homework it's tough not sure if it's to much
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That's good exposure.
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@Jbm421 I had a dream that I told my gf that I was bi. Wtf
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@Jbm421 You OK mate ?
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@Ihateocd83 No bro. Just watched a show (I dont watch many shows or movies now days) and my mind did a number on me. There was one dude on there who triggered me before (mostly because my mind just decided to come up with scenarios) and it triggered me again in the same way only worse. Like saying I want that shit. And I was struggling to get through the episode without reaching for my phone. My nerves are shot...
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@Ihateocd83 Cant live like this bro. I cant live. I dont have a life.
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Ah man... I know how you feel I've had a few tears today because I was thinking of that bachelor guy and shit got to me. Do you not watch many shows because of your ocd ?
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Not many shows or movies. Yeah that guy got to me too thinking about it.
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@Jbm421 We will get there mate baby steps. Sometimes I say I know I'm gay it's like my brain just says it
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