Anyone else have meta-ocd (obsessing about ocd itself)? I consider it for me the ultimate OCD fail safe. It keeps me doing the compulsions even if the distress goes away. I do most stuff just not to go through the constant rumination of ‘do I have ocd?’ and mental review of my entire life. I believe every thing I say and do now is fake/a lie/made up. I feel nothing but mentally I’m frustrated. Every time I do an ‘OCD-like’ behavior and do not experience uncomfortable emotions I doubt if I’m making it up for attention or misunderstood my symptoms. I am so distant from my emotions. I’m probably just ‘scared’ that I won’t be distressed> don’t have ocd> biggest fraud on this rotating rock. Sorry just had to vent. 😑

So I have OCD about OCD itself. Like I will be talking about harm OCD or POCD that I struggle/struggled with as a kid and it come up sometimes now but it was rlly bad as a kid (I’m 16 now) and then I’ll worry “what if you don’t have harm ocd or pocd, and when you have pocd you can’t get the images and thoughts out of your head but because it doesn’t make you feel as physically sick as sexuality OCD what if I’m making my POCD and harm OCD up for attention?! Can anyone relate...

my biggest fear is what if i don't actually have ocd and get exposed as a fraud. im afraid i might have been living a lie the whole time. i keep thinking that im not as ill as others here. i feel like i don't deserve attention, it's like im unconsciously invalidating myself all the time and j can't help but think that im an impostor in disguise. that im just doing this for attention. that i just want to be mentally ill to feel like i fit in somewhere. when i show a new ocd symptom im afraid that oh im probably just copying something that i saw off this app here because i want to feel like i truly do have ocd. i know i most likely have it but im so stuck in this loop of doubt. my ocd isn't as severe as it was in the beginning so that makes me feel even more invalid and i have developed impostor syndrome over the years.

As the title says I think I might have a new theme coming and it’s meta :( lately I’ve been ruminating on the thought I’ll never get over ocd and even though I’ve made some progress it tells me it doesn’t matter as it’ll always be the same or that I’m in denial with things,or if I don’t constantly keep doing perfectly good with my exposures I’ll always keep going backwards, etc etc. and it doesn’t help it partners with the other themes I have but idk all day I’ve been overwhelmed with these thoughts and last night I had a meltdown over it. Idk what to really do cause I can’t stop ruminating on it and tomorrow is my last day of school and I wanna make it good but I’m afraid my thoughts won’t stop even then or I’ll never actually improve.