Anyone else have meta-ocd (obsessing about ocd itself)? I consider it for me the ultimate OCD fail safe. It keeps me doing the compulsions even if the distress goes away. I do most stuff just not to go through the constant rumination of ‘do I have ocd?’ and mental review of my entire life. I believe every thing I say and do now is fake/a lie/made up. I feel nothing but mentally I’m frustrated. Every time I do an ‘OCD-like’ behavior and do not experience uncomfortable emotions I doubt if I’m making it up for attention or misunderstood my symptoms. I am so distant from my emotions. I’m probably just ‘scared’ that I won’t be distressed> don’t have ocd> biggest fraud on this rotating rock. Sorry just had to vent. 😑

i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.

Hello lovely community, I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with existential OCD, especially with a fear of life having no meaning. My biggest compulsion is doing something meaningful and checking if I feel different, like happy or elated or fulfilled, which usually leads me to feel the opposite. How do I prevent compulsions that are so automatic? Even if I’m just making jokes or hanging out with friends, I’ll automatically check how I’m feeling. I worry often that my OCD will get “worse” and become unmanageable. I’ll often check my emotions or thoughts or feelings to see how my OCD is in that moment, to see if its getting worse or better, which leads me to constantly be on high alert and very aware of my thoughts and feelings. I’ll also avoid doing things I love or overindulge to check my emotions. Any advice would be appreciated :)

I really struggle with trusting myself. I never really believe anything I say and the second I say or think anything i doubt if I actually feel that or mean it, and worry that I am lying to others/and or myself. I doubt that I experienced anything bad, I doubt my emotions and worry that I am just dramatic or seeking attention, I worry about my intentions and if they are bad or impure I worry that the thought I had must mean I am bad and then I obsess on how to be better and then I obsess over learning how to be the “best” friend, sister, person, Christian, etc. I obsess over how to be a Christian in the best way that considers all possible facts and opinions and finds the best ones that are perfectly true and that interpret God in the best/most correct way possible. I am either in full on obsession and mental compulsion/checking/research mode, or in avoidance mode trying to avoid being triggered. I notice that I obsess over how to know for sure if I have OCD, and how to know the best possible way to heal and no solution satisfies my mind because I doubt it and think there must be a better solution and maybe I didn’t consider one small detail that could change the way I should approach my brain. I worry that no matter how hard I try to do things right and be kind and good- that I will just disappoint others and myself no matter how hard I try. And when I try to accept that I am imperfect it only helps for a second because then I worry that if I stop trying to be the “best version of myself/best person I can” then that will mean I just don’t care and I will accidentally hurt people in the way my parents accidentally hurt me because they never tried to heal. I feel exhausted. I compulsively tell everyone everything I am thinking all the time. I overshare with my mom, my friends, and even my therapists and clearly on this app because I worry if I don’t it maybe means I’m lying but also sometimes even when I don’t want to overshare it feels like I can’t help it and do it against my own will. I feel like no matter how hard I try to make things better for myself and others I just end up making things worse. Then I end up feeling very numb and indifferent to the idea of life- which is so counter to my usual desire to live life to the fullest. My biggest trigger words are “lukewarm Christian”, “hypocrite”, “fake” etc because then I immediately worry those words must describe me and maybe I just don’t realize it. I spend hours going over my thoughts, feelings, experiences and researching endlessly to feel less anxious or give me the feeling that I can find a solution that will fix it- when deep down I know there is no perfect solution probably. Basically I say all this just to feel heard and so someone else maybe feels understood or seen. But I don’t want reassurance or anyone to engage with my actual fears. I’m open to any advice on how to approach this from an ERP standpoint though.