I’m deeply sorry for repeatedly posting on here, but my thoughts are so crazy they don’t even feel like OCD. I’m so lost I don’t know who I am, what I want, I don’t know where did my love for my family go, why do I feel like I’m turning psycho. Am I capable of harming others? Will I be okay without these thoughts? Maybe I won’t be okay bc i might actually want to harm people. Maybe I won’t be normal till I do it. And I’m so upset at me for doubting my intentions, I feel terrible, I feel so guilty, like a monster. I feel so sorry for my family, they don’t deserve anything bad, I see them as such beautiful humans but instead I see me as a Monster and a freaking psychopath. I just wanna feel normal again, I wanna feel love towards my family again, not doubts of harming them. I hate feeling like I’m gonna act on my thoughts, not being able to know if I’m capable, not knowing if I am going to do it, if I want to, etc. And also, the feeling that I might be fooling everyone I know, making them think I was a good person all along, that I’m hiding my true nature from them, that they will be very disappointed and they’ll hate me. I am starting to get convinced I’m a psychopath and a m*rderer in waiting. I haven’t done anything but it doesn’t matter it still feels that way. I fear the thought of: what if in some moment I stop caring about this and start liking it, don’t feel bad about it anymore so I start doing it? And what if that moment is now? it feels like it so how do I know it’s not true? It made me so anxious and scared to think that I could be turning into someone that enjoys these thoughts or that will act on these thoughts. Because I don’t know if that might be my case, or if it could be in the future.

Harm OCD

A1oak

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

All of these thoughts are just your ocd. The fact that you’re feeling distressed is a sign that you really don’t want to do this. The love for your family is there, just know that those thoughts are not you and that you’re always in control. Always!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank you:( Sometimes I would even doubt if I’m distressed or not, it’s really hard. But thank u so much :)

AlwaysAnxious

Date posted: 4y

I can relate to all of this and I’m so sorry you are feeling this way as well. We have to believe that ocd can not take our values away, even though it will try to make us believe that it has. We are still the people we know we are even though this is terrifying.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

And I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing, are you diagnosed with OCD? If u ever wanna talk let me know, and thank you, i know we will get through this, don’t lose hope <3

AlwaysAnxious

Date posted: 4y

@Random I am diagnosed, I am currently seeing a therapist through the NOCD app. But it still doesn’t stop my ocd from saying “what if they are wrong and it’s not ocd? What if you want these thoughts?”. It’s relentless! Are you diagnosed as well? And same to you!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@AlwaysAnxious Ohh I wish you the best in your therapy! I haven’t, but my therapist isn’t an OCD specialist so I suspect he might be misdiagnosing me. I hope so lol. But if we’re going through similar things that I might actually have OCD. And yes!! “What if you want these thoughts?” Is definitely one of the worst ones, I also get “What if you never cope this because you actually want to hurt people?” It’s all so difficult ... But we got this! Are you in the discord group chat?

AlwaysAnxious

Date posted: 4y

@Random It sounds like ocd to me. I have the same thoughts! But yes, seeing a therapist that specializes in ocd is important, unfortunately ocd is still misunderstood by so many, and especially the more taboo themes like harm ocd or pocd. And I’m not, but I need to download the app and join! Being able to speak with others in another setting would be awesome.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@AlwaysAnxious I hope! Yes sadly some therapist think OCD is only about repeatedly washing hands. Definitely! Let me know so they can add you :)

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