I used to NEVER have dreams about being a lesbian, questioning I’m a lesbian, and lesbian sex. Now it happens so often and probably one of the suckiest parts because of how REAL they feel, like in them I enjoy it and am aroused. If you any of you get these and feel this, you are not alone! They used to bother me a lot more, now it just bothers me when I get up and a bit afterword.

Sadly this one actually turned into a bit of a spiral. I think it was a buildup of having higher hocd fears since I’m going to move in with my bf, the post about the guy who had hocd but then lived a gay life, and then the dream. It’s made today a bit rough and now my body get arousal/groinal just by seeing a female body and feelings of wanting it. It’s rough, but I am coping

@Corie Yeah I definitely see that! That happened to me too when me and my ex moved in together

@Ope I bet! I heard any stressful event or big change typically causes a spike

@Justmesadly Yeah! I messaged my therapist about it too and she mentioned how it seems to be acting up because of it. I just can’t get the dream out of my head, like the feeling of wanting to do sexual stuff with a girl. It’s just so distressing! I have an erp exercise where I’m suppose to record a script or write out a story about having sex with a girl, but I feel like my anxiety is too high right now and I’ll give in to compulsions. The last time I tried that one I felt so aroused (tmi) that I wanted to masturbate and it makes it worse. Although I feel like that is a natural reaction for me because I have always linked lesbians with sex and masturbation. It’s so scary and I hate that part of me!! I just need help accepting it.

Yes

You’re all good!

I just feel like crap, I can’t remember the exact reason why hocd started but a little worse over time and building up. I actually believe I am a lesbian because of it all and the evidence I have plus the feelings and thoughts I have all day long. I can’t take it anymore and just feel dreadful. I feel I relate to this one girl who came out way too much and it has me completely convinced. I have done erp for almost a year and feel very very little improvement

@Corie I also think I’m becoming more doubtful because I’m moving in with my boyfriend. I now doubt it and feel like I don’t want to anymore to just “play it safe” and that me having increasing fears and thoughts is just more apparent I’m gay. Like in the works of moving in makes me feel 10x more like I’m a lesbian and kicked up my fears.

I relate to all of these comments so much. Every OCD theme sucks, but I think HOCD is my absolute least favorite. It’s so convincing.

@Anonymous Yep. Feels like I’m coming to terms and going to come out/admit I’m gay. It makes me feel so much anxiety and sadness like my life is over

@Ope Yep, I felt the exact same since starting. Like I had fear of that happening if I went through erp and it feels like it’s coming to life. Glad I’m not alone, but sorry you’re also feeling this way!